running.
written: 7:52 p.m. on Sunday, Aug. 06, 2006

Tris: I didn't hate Signs. I couldn't hate Signs because it featured Joaquin Phoenix wearing that pointy aluminium hat which was sooo adorable. One of my goals in life is to marry Joaquin Phoenix, so that should explain it. It's a strictly fangirl thing. Anyone who likes Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind has excellent taste in films! Anyway, thanks for the comment.

Mag: You're EVIL! Singlish is, like, my Achilles' heel! Nevermind, I'll just mentally eliminate the Singlish and correct them to proper English. Ugh, the fireworks. Well, it sucked a lot harder last year so it really doesn't matter. I'm glad you enjoyed yesterday's display though! I'm glad, too, that I have you to share my "sampan" (how unglam) with but I'd kick you out of it sooner or later. No one is allowed to share my eternally-single fate. Haha.

TR: Yeah that made sense. Good point. I still don't like looking guai though. It won't be so bad if I had a credible rebellious streak to subvert this illusion, but I don't. Like, at all. And it's sad. But I'm more upset about being fat than looking guai so um, well, I don't know what I'm saying. Anyway we're going out next Friday and taking Neoprints!

**

I hate being all bloody and gross. I know you're theoretically still able to swim when you're having your period but I honestly do not know any females who swim in the middle of their periods. It's damn troublesome and disgusting and worst of all, it prevents me from swimming. Idiotic biological...feature. Whatever. I'm all fat and disgusting and I hate myself.

I've been so bloated the past two days and I really don't know why. Take today for instance. All I ate the WHOLE DAY was some dim sum at, like, 9.30 in the morning, a small bowl of Post's banana breakfast cereal, a cup of coffee, porridge for dinner, and two slices of apple. In between all that I had a few huge cups of water, but that's it. I don't bloody understand why I'm so bloated!

Also, having breakfast is severely abnormal for me, considering I wake up after 12 nearly everyday. This morning's dim sum breakfast at Hong Xing created some disturbances while being digested and I hated feeling like that. Bleurgh. I'm never having breakfast ever again.

In all honesty, if I didn't need it to survive I doubt I'd bother with food. It's a royal waste of money, for one, because - I've said this many times before - you're paying good money for things that ultimately come out as shit. Yeah, what a great deal you've got there, especially if you just paid $30 for a plate of pasta. For another, it's such a chore. Eating is such a chore, even more so when you're not remotely hungry. This is exacerbated by well-intentioned parents who keep asking if you want to eat something, anything, even though you'd just had a big-ass breakfast and all you wanna do is to puke, and not much else. The thought of food, in fact, is enough to induce feelings of pukiness in you (let's forget the interesting fact that you haven't thrown up in literally years), and you seriously don't know what you're gonna do if you put more food into your mouth.

Ideally, I would love to just survive on coffee and tea and milk tea and all that great stuff that I can never give up. It's really easy for me to stop eating ice-cream and cheesecakes and chocolates and potato chips and fast food because I seriously don't care either way. I can't remember the last time I snacked on something that wasn't banana breakfast cereal (okay, this is super addictive) and I don't crave for anything. At all. Not chocolate, not cheesecake, not ice-cream. In fact, save for Ben and Jerry's, I don't even like ice-cream.

I woke up at 8.30 a.m. for dim sum and so I'm super sleepy right now.

I'm watching the new season of Project Runway and I'm in absolute love with Keith Michael. He is so hot. Oh, my god. He's a total dead ringer for Jude Law, I swear. He seems to be getting the arrogant-ass bitch edit which endears him to me even more because arrogance is very, very attractive in an already-super hot guy.

Of course, he's gay, but, well. More importantly, his designs have been absolutely amazing so far. If I were rich and famous I'd buy some of his dresses and wear them! And discreetly try to un-gay him for maybe an hour and induce him to make out with me in a very private bedroom. Bwahahaha.

Such delicious eye-candy! I know I liked Daniel Franco last season and I'd like to say that I'm totally ashamed. I think he's a big fat creep now and I couldn't care less about him. I'd like to go into a lengthy explanation about my change of heart but I really can't be bothered, so whatever.

Today has been BORING. It's amazing how you can sit in front of your laptop for hours with absolutely shit-all to do. Everything is so not five by five, because they're showing Harry Potter on HBO right now. I severely dislike the Potty franchise. Anything with such mass appeal gets an immediate thumbs-down from me.

Three items I really, really want right now:

1. Buffy Season 4 Code 1 DVDs
2. Angel Season 1 Code 1 DVDs
3. Wang Lee Hom's Gai Shi Ying Xiong CD

Kiss Goodbye has been stuck in my head for the whole day! I saw the music video in the morning on MTV and it hasn't stopped repeating itself. It's driving me mad! I want the damn CD. Arghhh. Like, I want to own it. I can't burn CDs, you know. I hate the idea of burning a CD and pseudo-owning an undecorated CD without a CD cover and without the CD in-lay and everything. It feels wrong. The only things I download are probably TV shows because Channel 5 is way too slow and WAY too fond of pre-empting their imported dramas for stupid Sunday Blockbuster Events of the Year. Whatever. I can't believe they're showing the next episode of VM on 27 August. Fuck those retarded assholes. It so pisses me off, the way they're treating my sacred show. Have they no taste? Have they no intelligence? No intellect? Have they no clue?

Yeah. I know. Do I even have to ask? This is Singapore. That should explain everything. Intelligent shows that treat their audiences with respect will always get shitty ratings because people are just too stupid to get them. Death to stupidity! I'd know exactly who to blame if Veronica Mars 3 doesn't get picked up beyond the first 13 episodes.

I hate the Emmys too. I can't imagine how Buffy got overlooked all those 7 years. Bunch of fools, those Emmys people. There's this hilarious story about how Ellen Burstyn is nominated this year for some best supporting role award for a TV movie or whatever for her role in some HBO TV movie thing in which she appeared for all of fourteen seconds. FOURTEEN SECONDS, people. That's like not even significant. It really says a lot about the credibility of such silly award shows.

Anyway, I'm supposed to start reading my law books but um, well, to put it plainly, I haven't done anything. And I don't think I will do anything.

Hopefully this new year will be relatively angst-free. Last year was seriously screwed up. I'm really surprised I didn't flunk out.

On a brighter note, I'm excited about the new campus. I don't care about Kent Ridge anymore. I'm glad that I'd never (nearly never) have to look at the fugliness of that campus ever again, that I'd never have to listen to crappy English on a way-too-regular basis, and I'd never have to cast my eyes on Engineering students ever again. Wahoo. Yay to isolation and elitism. What I really care about is how convenient Orchard/City Hall/whatever are going to be. Of course, this bodes badly for my allowance, but to hell with that. Above all else, this new campus thing will keep me interested in law school for at least an hour before I become all disillusioned and pissed off again. The way I see it, something that vaguely resembles a silver lining is better than nothing.

Yeah. Not a law school fan, I am. Like that's any surprise.

My hair's all weird.

I'm going all wiggy. Like, I don't know. All these issues and my tendency to over-analyse and how different parts of me are going in different directions. The way I'm avoiding people, avoiding the subject, not wanting to talk. The way I can't talk, not the way we should if we mean anything at all. I don't know, really. Friends are disposable, have always been, and mostly I don't care. They come, they sit and chat for a bit, they leave. That's tried and tested, a formula, something I know by heart, and so it doesn't bother me, not anymore. But then there are people who do mean something beyond momentary spurts of what felt like an affinity for each other, because you sustained each other for so long - we're talking years - and it can't just be redundant like that, not like that, not so quickly and not without a fight. I should fight for the things - people - I love, but I just don't have it in me to confront them and tell them that We Have A Problem.

Because we do. And it drives me crazy that I'm not doing anything about it. I can't even begin to tell you what's keeping me away; it's this and that, it's him and her, it's everything, it's nothing. I don't know what it is, except I do know but it's too big for me to deal with, because it'd mean confronting my own weaknesses, things I do not want to face up to. The cliche 'ignorance is bliss' is more true than it seems to be.

I hate you and I love you. That's about all I can say right now.

One of these days, all these crap I keep running away from are going to catch up with me and slap me really hard across the face. And I'm hoping they do, because it'd be too tragic if they simply faded away.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010