this entry is an embarrassment.
written: 8:22 p.m. on Thursday, Aug. 17, 2006
Barely.
For some reason I was under the impression that Prof. GB would be a total anal retentive...person, but surprisingly, he's totally not. In fact, he's really, really nice, to the extent that I didn't hate today's three-hour long afternoon lecture as much as I thought I would. Besides, a couple of weeks more and we're back to normal programming - namely, two ninety-minute lectures a week. So I'm not complaining.
But I barely survived it anyway because I felt all wiggy today for some weird reason, and it was in the afternoon, and it did come after a Company Law lecture in which I barely heard anything, and, I don't know, I wasn't in a good mood in general.
Still, I think I like CLT, even though that first chapter of the textbook was incomprehensible (to be frank I was quickly skimming through it because I wanted to play a computer game); that the readings are fucking long; and that the entire Year 2 cohort is taking the class together, which is like crazy. I liked the historical aspects of the lecture today. These things always seem to interest me. I don't know why.
Right now, however, I do not like Company Law. I zonked through the first two lectures and instinctively switched off during both. For some reason I just can't bloody bring myself to care, let alone muster up the slightest sliver of enthusiasm for it. I mean, really, like I could even care what people do in companies. I don't even like companies. So, yeah. Needless to say, this is quite bad, but not unexpected.
For the record, I hate double negatives. But sometimes they're just so useful.
I wanted to do more with this entry but I seem to be distracted by other things.
The whole law school thing. I don't know. I still find myself wishing I'd taken up on Warwick's offer, because I think - almost positively know - that I'd be much happier over there, doing Lit and Creative Writing, something I actually enjoy on the most fundamental level, something I can't ever live without. I'm still disconnected from most things in law school, I still feel like I'm wearing an ill-fitting t-shirt whenever I'm there, and on the most basic level I still can't say I enjoy it.
And yet, it feels less complicated this time around. The knowledge that this is what I ultimately chose is reassuring. I had a second chance and I chose not to take it, for whatever reasons that aren't really important. And I have a feeling that whatever negativity I'm harbouring towards law school has nothing to do with academics, but something else which I won't talk about here.
So, I suppose everything is more or less five by five. I don't think I'd die a second time around. Besides, that's, like, so totally embarrassing, and I value my pride over many things and I simply won't do that to myself.
Still, I have the right to bitch and moan about modules I'm forced to take because they're 'compulsory' every once in a while.
I really want to go for exchange in France. At the same time I don't want to go for exchange because I'd probably get my licence by this time next year and I wanna drive. Most likely though I won't even be eligible for exchange, considering how sucky my Year 1 results are.
Oh well, whatever, nevermind.
Lastly, I was listening to my MP3 player on the bus home and Fountains of Wayne's Troubled Times came on. I nonchalantly listened to the lyrics and all of a sudden I felt like the song was, like, speaking to me.
Okay, that sounds stupid, but it made me feel better about...things. The lyrics aren't the most well-written ones around but they're not too shabby. I hardly ever post lyrics, so this is an exception because it...spoke to me. I first heard it on an episode of Veronica Mars. Amazingly I don't remember what that episode was. It was during one of the early flashbacks, when Lilly and Veronica were driving to wherever and Lilly asked Veronica why she joined pep squad ("For the PE credit," Veronica said). I think it was also used in an early Veronica/Duncan scene, but I can't remember because I don't particularly care for Duncan. Anyway I can't wait for October 3. I need my Season 3!
So, the lyrics:
Troubled Times
When you think you've found something worth holding onto
Were you reaching for attention, hoping she would notice you
Collecting bottles and thrown-away cans
Like she was returnable
One day would refill your hands
How she loved you, all you imagined
Fit so well into your plans
Maybe one day soon
It'll all come out
How you dream about each other sometimes
With a memory of
How you once gave up
But you made it through the troubled times
Pining away every hour in your room
Rolling with the motion, waiting til it's opportune
Sitting there watching time fly past you
Why do tomorrow
What you could never do
How she loved you
All you imagined
All the shit you put her through
Maybe one day soon
It'll all come out
How you dream about each other sometimes
With a memory of
How you once gave up
But you made it through the troubled times
And it takes a lot of nerve to ask how she is doing
Start with a weak foundation, you will end in ruins
The way the days and hours pass you'll never understand
Falling like rain through your hands
Maybe one day soon
It'll all come out
How you dream about each other sometimes
With a memory of
How you once gave up
But you made it through the troubled times
I don't actually like Fountains of Wayne; I find them too pop for my liking (they did "Denise", by the way; it was a radio hit when I was in primary school). But I really like this song because...it's nice.
My thoughts are in a mess. Nevermind.
Off to play the game. It pissed me off last night because I was playing it at like 1 a.m. and I kept getting killed by some ugly crows and some retarded three-headed werewolf. What the hell. It made me sad and I went to bed all sad and stuff. Boo.
This entry is an embarrassment.
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010