take a look at me now.
written: 6:16 p.m. on Sunday, Oct. 29, 2006

So, I'm feeling much, much better today. I don't really know what prompted that incredibly angsty entry I wrote at 9-something a.m. yesterday; maybe it was the lack of sleep or the crazy brain activity that didn't want to take a break, or maybe it was both. Either way, I'm over a lot of things now.

I'm over a lot of things because I've made up my mind to do something, to be proactive, and not sit around and sulk and speculate. Maybe it's a big risk but I've more or less decided to do it, unless there are good reasons for me not to. But they have to be very good reasons; I'm in one of those rather unexplainable state of almost-nirvana where I see a clear objective and a wide, uncluttered road towards it, and so whatever tripping stones that get strewn in my way have to be very fucking big, or I'll just ignore them.

Yes I know, cryptic much? Oh well, at least I'm alluding to something. This is about as honest as I can get after taking into account the material (relevant? I think it's material) fact that this online diary is actually, gasp, public. I'm pretty easy to Google if one's smart and persistent enough. (Of course, if one merely googles my real name, one would find oneself staring at a bunch of Turkish web pages.)

I've always - nearly always - gone after what I want. I don't see why last year's amazing debacle has to permanently change that.

Anyway, I was reading the first five pages of the lecture handout on Protection of Creditors (one wonders why I bother with the capitalisation) and I had to call my mom in to explain what the hell everything means and oh my god, she actually gets it. This only goes to show that there is something very, very wrong with me - that, or it shows that I'm not cut out for finance in any way, shape or form. I'm seeing a portion of the entire picture and I need the other parts to be revealed to me but I don't know how to yank off the cloth that has been tightly tacked to the rest of the picture. Like, there's all these talk about the par value of shares and why it's irrelevant today and hence abolished, right? So I was wondering, how did it even protect creditors/shareholders/whatever? How does a company determine the par value of its shares?

Sadly, I don't care enough to look for the answer in Walter Woon, assuming the answer is in Walter Woon. My folks do the SGX thing and whenever they talk about the shares they bought, I instinctively switch off. I'd really much rather use the money they pumped into shares to, like, shop. Seriously. I am so financially un-savvy that I think it's already obvious that I'm going to be a starving writer.

And for the record, I still don't know the difference between shares issued by public listed companies and shares issued by private companies - that is, besides the obvious. I don't know how the whole thing works and so it's no use telling me all these legal issues when I can't even envision the entire picture. And I suppose I have to know how it's all done before I can even hope to try to understand the examinable stuff.

Argh fuck Company Law. I can't wait to sell my textbook.

I watched The Prestige last night with my mom. She thought it was ridiculous. I thought it was rather boring at parts but very interesting overall. Needless to say I was busy trying to figure out the subtext and the film-maker's intention and whatever else while watching the film; ultimately though, the best I came up with was, People are crazy.

I'm kind enough to give a spoilers warning so yeah you've been given notice.

The last reveal, the VERY last shot of the film, was actually really creepy if you think about it. Hugh Jackman's character has to step into that machine and kill himself every night. There's something quite poetic about this, his making such an immense sacrifice for his craft. But is it about his craft or is it more of a narcissitic, compulsive need for approval, to hear the audience's shocked gasps and their thunderous applause? And the fact that it's the very last thing you see before the film cuts to the credits only makes the impact that much more powerful. He kills himself over and over again. Is he even human at the end of it? What is worth trading your humanity for?

As for the Christian Bale reveal - I thought it was pretty stupid. A twin brother? Seriously? How original, Not. Still, I really liked how it was the final slap in Hugh Jackman's face. He was so sure that Christian Bale's Transporter Man trick was real, that Christian Bale didn't use a double, and Hugh Jackman's obsession with undercovering Christian Bale's trick completely consumed him. And so when it was revealed that Christian Bale really used a double (his twin brother), the follies of his way finally dawned upon him. Maybe he saw all the mistakes he made, maybe he regretted them, maybe he didn't; but he couldn't make amends because he fell to the ground, dead, a few seconds later. The twin brother reveal made Hugh Jackman's ultimate downfall that much more shocking, poignant.

But on the other hand, Christopher Nolan's bias was towards Christian Bale's character, not Hugh Jackman's. I felt sorry for HJ but ultimately, I was glad that it was what had to be done in order for CB's character to triumph - well, kind of triumph.

I could even wank this further and say that HJ's downfall is meant to show how we don't see what's right in front of us, such that we find too many ways to make the simplest of things complicated. But that's like, totally over-analysing; truth be told, I think it was just meant to be a twist for the sake of being a twist, without much substance.

I didn't see the twin brother twist coming at all. It was quite clever though that there were all these allusions made to the fact throughout the film, little things inserted in the dialogue to hint at a dual personality of sorts of Christian Bale's character. I thought maybe he was schizophrenic or something, but it was actually his TWIN BROTHER. Ha. I feel so cheated.

I like the film a lot better if I see it as an elaborate trick to fool the audience into seeing only the obvious, not the shit that's boiling underneath. It rather lacks in substance and I don't really see the point to it. But still, it was superbly well-made, the script was fantastic, and the actors were awesome. Christian Bale completely stole the show and I'm quite in love with him 'cause he's such an amazing actor and he's sooo handsome.

I'm done discussing the film and now I want to swoon over Christian Bale.

He's just SO sexy. His accent in the film was so hot. This sounds insensitive but maaaan he's probably the hottest death row inmate EVER. I can't wait for The Dark Knight, the second Nolan/Bale Batman film; sadly, it's slated for a 2008 release, according to imdb.com. Like...I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG LOR. Sigh. I'm tempted to watch American Psycho because of Christian Bale but I can't take graphic violence and scenes of torture and cruelty because I'm a wimp so I don't really know about that. Mel loves the novel and she read out a short passage from the book and I had to cover my ears because it was just so. incredibly. violent.

I hate violence. Why can't we all be pacifists and love each other?

But anyway, my point remains: Christian Bale is gorgeous. He looks like a cross between Tom Cruise and John Cusack though, but I think he's hotter than the two of them. The very fact that he's British already gives him a lot of points over Tom Cruise, and to a lesser extent, John Cusack (because I like John Cusack).

My Mos milk tea is way too sweet. The disturbing thing about this is that all I can think of is the calories that I must be slurping down right now. Okay, I need ice to dilute the sweetness.

I'm so very much in love with Stereophonics' Dakota. I listened to the live version on their MySpace and it's AWESOME. I totally need to buy the album (Sex. Language. Violence. Other? If memory serves). And this is quite embarrassing but I was watching MTV Mandarin and came across the Karaoke programme and this singer, Kenji something (Wu Ke Qun) was singing this really nice song, and initially I thought he was total crap because like his new album is called Jiang Jun Ling, and like, Jay Chou has a song called Jiang Jun, and THE WHOLE WORLD is doing the traditional-Chinese-music-meets-hip-hop thing, and so this Kenji guy is like SO unoriginal.

But he's soooo cute. He's so much cuter than Jay Chou, I really like the song he sang despite its stupid-ass title, and the Jiang Jun Ling song is actually really catchy. I'm so tempted to buy his CD but I've vowed to never buy another Chinese CD ever again 'cause the non-Jay, non-Leehom ones I buy are usually sucky. But Kenji is soooo cute! He was wearing this nice pink t-shirt and good-looking guys look hot in pink.

Hmm, I think I was talking about Stereophonics. Well, yeah, I LOVE Dakota. I listened to it three times today and it's so nice to sing along with. I love the lead singer's voice; I can't remember his name...it's Kelly Jones, I think? Anyway, his voice is sexaaay to the maaax.

No, really, it's totally kick ass 'cause it's all raspy and sexy and hot.

My VM is taking FOREVER. Rui sent me a compressed file and I tried downloading it three times and all three times it got stuck at 40-something percent. I gave up eventually. Argh, I hate Starhub. Die Starhub, die.

I bought two new tops at Marks and Spencer on Friday because they were on sale. I've been eyeing one of them since months ago but it was $47 which is quite ridiculous so I was quite happy when I saw that it was going for $25. Funny thing? I tried it on, couldn't decide if it was nice, thought I decided not to buy it, then something involuntarily and wholly supernatural compelled me to grab it and take it to the cash register and eventually pay for it. So I really bought it against my will; I really wanted not to buy it 'cause I couldn't even decide if it was NICE. Hence, it's not my fault at all if I end up never wearing it. (Rui, I'm talking about the pink top, not the red striped one.)

The oddest thing is, I've more or less lost the urge to shop. Maybe it's been way too long since I last went on a satisfactory shopping spree, complete with hours and hours of walking without stopping to take a break and all that jazz. The last time I did that was probably in Taipei, which is why I miss Taipei so. But the Sisterhood is planning an 8-to-5 shopping spree at Vivo City in December, so maybe all's not lost! Wahoo.

(Because a shopping-averse Yelen is a very strange Yelen.)

KW christened my mock trial faux pas "Kiss of Death". Said something about Mortal Kombat. Not that I would know. My ability to spell the the misspelled name of a game doesn't mean I know anything about the game, apart from the facts that 1) the creator can't spell for shit; and 2) it was made into a shit movie. Despite that, we all know that I was totally referencing Mortal Kombat when I made that faux pas. Yes, I was. Like, duh, right? Yup.

I just realised that there's no trial advo lecture on Tuesday! And even if there is I'm not gonna go because it won't make any sense to go since the mock trial is overrrrr. That means I have even more time to attempt to try to do my Company tutorial. That is...great. Well, not really. I hate Company.

Why is it that I don't know anything about the giving back of the Property assignments? Maaaaan I'm sleeping way too much in school.

This entry is pretty much pointless. I finished a Mos burger for dinner and like five French fries. That's a complete meal, so go me.

I have fifty-something pages of Walter Woon to read. That's enough to make me hurl the stuff I ate for dinner back up.

before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010