i am totally screwed.
written: 4:29 p.m. on Monday, Nov. 13, 2006
I'm going crazy.
In other news, I am proud to announce that I haven't done jack. I haven't started studying, I haven't started on my student exchange application and the deadline's this Friday, and there's this pre-exam seminar for Company on Thursday and we're supposed to submit our answers by tomorrow midnight and I've just downloaded the questions and I've just looked at them, and I'm very alarmed because I have no idea what the hell they're talking about. I don't know how to do anything. I am so dead.
I want to die. Now. Before the exams kill me.
I need to find some really strong coffee; I'm falling asleep in front of my laptop and this happened to me yesterday which is why I couldn't study, and yes I'm making excuses. I can't study. I don't know why but I just can't study. I can't study in school, I can't study at home, I can't study with people, I can't study by myself. WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING. That's a rhetorical question. There isn't even a question mark to indicate that it's a question so I guess it's not even a rhetorical question since it doesn't qualify as a question, and so OMG my grammar sucks too?!
I like the new Internet Explorer browser which is basically a rip-off of Firefox. Unlike Firefox though, my layout actually shows up properly on IE. I tried tweaking the HTML so that it'd work on Firefox but to no avail. I'm simply clueless, period.
I realise that I have way too many issues, even for myself to handle. Sometimes I get the urge to stay out all night with my cellphone switched off, not bothering to tell the folks where I am, not giving a damn that I'm making them sick with worry, just me walking aimlessly along empty roads, all the way till sunrise, and I will compose poetry in my head and stop and scribble them down every now and then before the words disappear forever. Sometimes I get the urge to act on my impulses and do things without considering the consequences, simply because they make me feel good, and because I can. It's always been about carpe diem, except I don't actually practise it and merely sprout it like a cliche when it really shouldn't be so. But Dead Poets Society has always been one of my favourite films of all time.
And now? I know what's important and so I'm telling myself to shut the fuck up even though it's hard sometimes; I'm telling my mind to leave me alone and to compartmentalise even though I've always seen things as a whole, every element related and nothing is ever mutually exclusive; and I'm telling myself to stop being stupid and just be the person that does things properly and at the right time, who lives up to her responsibilities and ignores her whims and fancies.
Whims and fancies fuck you up and when you realise that it's not worth it, it's really way too late. And of course, you have all the time in the world to do whatever when the most important thing right now is over.
What I really wanna do right now? Go shopping and trim my hair. Most of my bottoms are too damn big; the short skirts I always wear now hang loosely around the lowest portion of my hips, which is bloody ridiculous, and EVERY SINGLE PAIR OF JEANS I OWN, which totals up to like, FOUR, needs hiking up every ten seconds. I am tres annoyed and I can't freaking go shopping because I have exams, nevermind that I'm this close to having nothing to wear. And my hair? It's ugly. Period.
But hey, in the name of maturity and responsibility, I shall put those two very important activities off until the exams are over. In the meantime, I have to go kill myself over Company Law, so have a nice day and a nice life.
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010