a long-ass survey.
written: 10:28 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 22, 2006

That, and I'm really bored, so I'm gonna do this long-ass survey. It has like, 101 questions. Yep. Skip this altogether; I highly doubt it's even worth it.

YOUR NAME
(1) The singular boring question: What is your name?
That is for me to know and, uh...well, everyone already knows who I am.

(2) If you had been born a member of the opposite
sex, what would your name have been?
No idea.

(3) Would you name a child of yours after you?
In the first place, I don't want a child. In the second place, I'm too selfish to share my name with someone else. HOWEVER, I am very upset by the fact that there's some Taiwanese badminton player who has the exact same name as me. Like, same characters and everything. GAH. It's totally vexing.

(4) If you had to switch first names with a friend
of yours, who would you switch with?
I actually really like my name, so yeah.

(5) What's the way people most often mispronounce any
part of your name?
I can't believe I'm bringing this up, but my Lit teacher in JC called me 'yalah'. Tres embarrassing.

(6) If you were to become famous, would you drop
your last name (like Madonna, Cher, Roseanne)?
Uh. No.

DEEP THEOLOGICAL QUESTIONS
(7) Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven
and Hell?
No.

(8) Do you think God has a gender?
I don't believe in the existence of any higher power.

(9) Do you think science counteracts religion?
Probably, but truth be told, I don't really care. I think people should believe in whatever they want.

(10) Do you believe in organized religion?
Uh, like I said, I think people should believe in whatever they want. Personally? No.

(11) Where do you think we go when we die?
I believed in reincarnation at 14, apparently. Interesting. Anyway, to be quite honest, right now I don't really care about life after death. So, yeah.

(12) Do you feel a little funny thinking about the
questions in this section?
Sure. Okay.

HUMOR
(13) How easy is it to make you laugh?
I think the relevant issue here isn't the content of the joke, but the person making the joke. Like, if someone else were to crack the kind of jokes that Mag cracks, I would just walk away or flip that person off. But because it's Mag, I laugh anyway even though I think her jokes are completely lame. Haha. Maybe that's why they're funny...but no, I think it's because she's the one making them that makes them funny. Yep.

(14) What person you know makes you laugh the most?
Mag, Rui, my dad. Rui likes to SMS/say/MSN really random things. For instance, she once SMSed me to tell me that she felt like putting a pot over her head and clanging it with a fork and spoon. If that's not random, I don't know what is.

My dad? He's a clown. Enough said.

(15) Do you laugh at jokes you know you shouldn't?
What is "shouldn't"? The very nature of a joke means that it's not meant to be taken seriously. I find it illogical that there are jokes one "shouldn't" laugh at.

(16) Do you tell jokes you know you shouldn't?
See above.

(17) What words instantly make you laugh or at least
smile?
Haha. I'm not telling.

(18) What do you think is the funniest thing you've
ever said or written?
Well, the kiss of death comes to mind (KW still brings it up every now and then). And I also thought that Thailand's tiger show should be avoided at all costs 'cause it's cruel. HAHAHA.

MUSIC
(19) Do you ever dance to music when nobody's
watching?
Nope. I can't dance, period.

(20) What is/are the worst song(s) you have ever
heard?
I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston. Just...shut up. Thank you.

(21) What song(s) do you wish you could understand a
little better?
I don't get so hung up over songs.

(22) What song(s) are constantly in your head?
Drops of Jupiter was constantly stuck in my head for a while.

(23) What song(s) do you think describe your
personality best?
Hahaha. I have no freaking idea.

(24) If the object of your affections were to serenade
you, what song(s) would you hope he or she used?
In the first place, I wouldn't want the object of my affections to sing to me. In fact, if that ever happened, I think I would so horrified that I would just run away. This is probably the cheesiest scenario one could ever conjure up.

(25) If you were to serenade the object of your
affections, which song(s) would you use?
See above. The ick factor of this proposed situation goes both ways.

MOVIES
(26) What movie(s) do you love that nobody else
seems to?
That's a very good question. I can give you an entire list of movies that everyone loves which I totally hate, however. On top of that list is Crash.

(27) Do you agree with the idea that sequels are
always worse than the original?
Hell yeah. This is a rule rather than an exception. I wonder why people just NEVER learn.

(28) Who's your favorite Star Wars character?
Hate Star Wars.

(29) What kind of movie do you think there should be
more of?
Actually, I prefer films to movies. I think movies should generally peter out until only the good ones are left.

(30) What movie(s) do you simply not understand the
appeal of?
Romantic comedies, action movies, Michael Bay/Jerry Bruckheimer blockbusters, not-funny Hong Kong comedies, comedies that rely on sexual humour like American Pie and your average Ashton Kutcher piece of shit. Just to name a few.

FOOD
(31) When eating, are you more concerned with taste
or healthiness? Whether or not it conforms to my ethical standards.

(32) What's your favorite kind of cheese?
Um. Cheese is cheese. Period.

(33) What do you think your answer to the previous
question reveals about your personality?
That I don't care that much for food?

(34) If you knew exactly what went into Chinese
food, hamburger meat, etc., would you still eat it?
Wow, it must suck to be subject to questionable Chinese food in America.

(35) Do you ever feel guilty eating meat?
Say it with me: Story Of My Life.

COMPUTERS
(36) Mac or PC?
I guess a laptop counts as a PC.

(37) How much do you actually care about the inner
workings of your computer, as long as it works?
That's the thing: You only care about how it works when it stops working. Isn't that ironic? I think it is. Highly.

(38) Do you ever begin preferring IMs to other forms
of conversation?
I hate talking on MSN. I only go on MSN to talk to Ruishan, and that's because I'm too lazy to SMS. She's one of the VERY rare people who're fun to talk to on MSN. There are people I love talking to on the phone or face to face, but just can't do so on MSN. Whereas Ruishan? She's good both on the phone and on MSN. Haha. Okay that sounded rather sick but uh, get your mind outta the gutter, dude.

(39) Do you find you're different talking through
IMs than face-to-face or on the telephone?
My witty comebacks come quicker to me on MSN, or even via SMS. That's really sad.

(40) Have you ever ended bid on something on eBay
and regretted it later?
Haha. Yes, but the regret only comes years after I won the item. I used to buy really retarded things on eBay, like magazines with Joaquin Phoenix on their covers. How tragic.

THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES
(41) Have you ever wished you could experience being
the other gender?
No. I wouldn't want to be a guy.

(42) What do you love most about the other gender?
Some of them are pretty decent.

(43) What do you dislike most about the other
gender?
Some of them are total guys.

(44) What do you understand least about the other
gender?
The curious situation of miscommunication that arises when the guy doesn't have a clue how his actions will affect the girl. You know, the whole men from mars and women from venus thing. It's such a cliche but sometimes it's true.

CELEBRITIES
(45) Do you sometimes see a movie or watch a show
just because a good-looking celebrity is in it?
Thankfully, the good-looking celebrities I like can actually act.

(46) What celebrity's autograph do you want most?
Eh, I don't care for such shit no more. Okay, once upon a time it used to be Jay Chou's but I got it two years ago so well.

(47) Have people ever said you looked like a celebrity, and if so, who?
Before I answer, please bear in mind that people, as a general rule, are full of shit. Okay? Good.

Let's see: this girl told me I looked like Britney Spears in primary school. My first boyfriend's friend commented that he thought I looked like Jessica Alba. And Lawrence once said that he thought I looked like Rose McGowan. Oh, and this Sogo salesperson in Taipei (the Sogo at Zhongxiao East Road, Sector 4) told my dad, while I was trying on some clothes, that she thought I looked like some super popular Taiwanese singer. My dad thought she either referred to Zhang Huimei or Jolin Tsai. I fervently hope it was the former.

But you want to know the truth? I think I look like myself. Period.

(48) If there was to be a movie about you, who do
you think should play you (in personality, looks or
both)?
Such a movie would be the worst movie to be commissioned in the history of the movie industry.

(49) Does it ever annoy you when you know someone is
a celebrity but you can't remember why?
You know, I really don't care about celebrities. Half of them aren't even half as smart as me anyway.

(50) If you could enter any celebrity's mind like in
"Being John Malkovich", whose would you enter?
I'm dying to watch an uncensored version of that film. I was so pissed when I watched it on Star Movies and it was all censored. Fucking hell. Anyway, refer to #49.

(51) Do you want to be John Malkovich?
I like John Malkovich. That's about as far as it goes.

NUMBERS
(52) Do you laugh when you hear or read the number
69?
Yeah, because we're still in lower sec.

(53) Were you lying about your answer to the
previous question?
Yep. Totally.

(54) Do you actually know your Social Security
Number?
Americans.

(55) Do you actually know your IP address?
The first few digits. It's all standard.

(56) Do you know what an IP address is?
Don't condescend.

(57) Do you know the four-character extension on
your ZIP code?
This is such a waste of time.

(58) Ever thought there were too many numbers
floating around in our lives?
Actually, as Math-averse as I am, I'm pretty good at remembering phone numbers.

(59) Does your head begin to hurt when you think of
infinity, imaginary numbers, irrational numbers,
etc.?
It's a good thing I no longer have to think about such things, eh?

(60) What do you think of pi?
Yummy.

LOVE, SEX AND ALL THAT
(61) Did you get a little frightened or
uncomfortable seeing this as a section title?
Gosh, I don't even know how to begin formulating a witty remark to this question.

(62) If someone you had no interest in dating
expressed interest in dating you, how would you
feel?
It depends on that person. If he's a complete loser, I'd be damn irritated. If he's a decent human being, I'd feel sorry for him. If he's rich, I'd totally consider. HAHAHAHA. I'm just kidding.

(63) Do you prefer getting to know someone first
before dating them or going in "blind"?
Eh, combination of both. I wouldn't go out with a total stranger (unless he's smokin' hot - seriously). If I'm interested in someone enough to want to date him, I'd definitely have to know something about him, but not to the extent that he's a good friend of mine, 'cause that'd be just weird.

(64) Could you carry on a relationship with someone
with the same first name as a family member?
Uh, is this supposed to be like not very good or something? I mean, Chinese-wise. I have no idea. I don't care either way.

(65) Have you ever wished it was more "socially
acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?
Well, I've never been one to care about what is 'socially acceptable'.

(66) What's your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?
Cool. I'd do it myself. That is, after losing my virginity.

(67) Have you ever been romantically attracted to
someone physically unattractive?
I think all the guys I've been attracted to are physically attractive. What 99% of them lacked was intellectual attractiveness.

(68) Do you think the opposite sex finds you
good-looking?
Honestly? Yes.

(69) Would you be willing to give up sex in exchange
for an emotional commitment you knew would last?
It's not that I need sex or whatever; it's just that I'm unable to envision how an emotional commitment of this magnitude would interest me for more than, say, two months. So, I really don't know.

(70) Do you think the number of the last question
was a coincidence?
Oh fuck off already.

POSSESSIONS
(71) What is your favorite possession?
My Baby G.

(72) What physical, tangible possession do you want
most?
Nothing in particular, just the usual things like books, DVDs, clothes.

(73) How badly do you want it?
Uh. Badly enough to bitch about it every now and then.

(74) Have you ever seen 'The Exorcist'?
Nope. I hate horror movies.

(75) How long did it take you to understand why the
last question is in this section?
I think it was pretty obvious. Sorry.

HOLIDAYS
(76) Does Christmas music too far away from Christmas
annoy you?
Hell yeah. I'm a total party pooper.

(77) How old do you think you will be before you
stop liking getting older?
No, 14-year-old self, it won't be cool to be 21. I'm facing that right now and it's freaking the shit out of me. Anyway, I stopped liking getting older when I was 18. I still think 18 is the perfect age.

(78) What was the best Halloween costume you ever
had?
None. I don't do Halloween.

(79) What was the worst Halloween costume you ever
had?

(80) What holiday do you think has still managed to
retain its original meaning?
Chinese New Year. At least we do the family gathering thing, and the red packets thing is totally awesome. Oh, and the new clothes. Wahoo.

(81) There are currently no federal holidays during
August- what should be put there?
Yep.

MEMORIES
(82) How good is your short-term memory?
I remember random things people tell me but I don't remember what I had for dinner last night, unless it was special or whatever.

(83) How good is your long-term memory?
Swell.

(84) What is your earliest memory?
In our Taipei apartment, walking from one parent to the other parent while relatives stood around and clapped and cheered. I think I was one.

(85) What is your happiest memory (other than
recieving this survey)?
Tons.

(86) What is your strangest memory?
No clue.

(87) What song, movie, etc. do you wish you could
memorize?
Uh, I don't.

TEARS
(88) What movie makes/made you cry?
I'm pretty sure I cried at a movie or two but I can't remember what they were.

(89) What book makes/made you cry?
Some crappy Lurlene McDaniel shit I read when I was like, 13 and hence stupid.

(90) What song makes/made you cry?
Well, that Dance with my Father song was pretty touching. But I didn't cry. I think I'm incapable of crying.

(91) What makes/made you laugh so hard you cried?
Eh.

THREE TRULY RANDOM QUESTIONS
(92) Would you like to be cloned?
I'm not that narcissistic...unless you cloned me and made my clone a male. Then I wouldn't have to go find a damn boyfriend.

(93) Do you wish you could be alive when the world
was ending, just to experience it?
That'd inspire some really awesome writing, but no one would be alive to read it. Hmm. Yes, still, just because it'd be fun.

(94) Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango? Yeah okay whatever.

THIS SURVEY
(95) Do you think that one hundred and one questions
is too long?
YES.

(96) Do you think the one hundred interesting
questions actually were interesting?
Sure.

(97) Are you sorry you began filling it out?

(98) What question do you wish it had asked?

(99) How would you have answered it?

THE TWO MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS
(100) When was the last time you let the people you
love know you love them?
Um, I think it's a given. And this is me being evasive.

(101) What do you want the people who are reading
this survey to know?
That I should study.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010