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looking ahead.
written: 11:33 p.m. on Friday, Apr. 13, 2007

I swear, my life couldn't get any worse. It's 12 days before the exams and I'm falling sick and I have this huge-ass mountain of work to do, especially for Public Law. I'm not exaggerating: I have done absolutely jack shit for Public Law the entire semester. I stopped reading after Seminar 5 The Judiciary and I only read up to that point because of the assignment and even then I barely read anything in the casebook.

I AM SO SCREWED. I feel like shit now - physically, that is. I suffered this incredibly awful migraine the entire day, right up to about 6-something after I drank my first cup of coffee. I had two more cups after that, one of which was TCC's iced coffee which is quite potent and I took the bus back and I got car sick and now I'm super giddy and I feel like puking but I can't puke (literally) and I want to sleep but I CAN'T SLEEP because I haven't completed my Dishonest Assistance notes and I need to hurry up and do the stupid critical analysis part, i.e. form an opinion on what the test for dishonest assistance should be and whether it should even be dishonest assistance blah blah (personally I think it doesn't matter and that the court should just use whatever standard that's most convenient to slap liability on the defendant, haha, I'm mean) and I don't think my head can take such heavy-duty thinking right now but I'M OUT OF TIME and this is the first time in my two years of law school that I actually feel like I can do well for my papers so this really, really, REALLY sucks.

Honestly, this is shaping up to be one hell of a weird semester. I barely did any work the entire semester, was extremely distracted and bogged down by some extraneous and external issues at the start of the semester, didn't bounce back too well from those issues and it continued affecting my school stuff, and yet so far I have the best grades I've ever got in law school, ever. I can't even tell if I'm still disengaged from school anymore. Maybe I'm just getting the hang of things, finally. I do take a while to adjust to new situations and whatever, but whatever it is, right now I'm quite regretful about everything that's happened throughout this semester - namely, neglecting my school work. The Public Law B+ is ten times more surprising than the Equity A- and LCL's super encouraging and nice comments came a bit too late as a motivational factor. I feel like it's really all too late and that I wasted this really good opportunity to pull up my degree. Because, yeah, I don't want to get a 2-2 leh. Doesn't look very nice.

I should have realised all these sooner. I should compartmentalise better. But I am what I am, always ruled by my emotions. What a lousy excuse.

I stopped believing in myself somewhere along the way. I always need people to tell me that I can achieve this before I believe it myself and it's incredibly stupid. What the hell is wrong with me? Ugh. Fuck, I need to study. TWELVE FREAKING DAYS to do three months' worth of work, times two because there are two papers. ARGH. Just kill me.

The headache is getting worse. I should shower first and see if it goes away. This is a bad entry.

Have things to bitch about but too tired right now so maybe tomorrow.

Also? Milk's already been spilt. No point crying over it. Time to clean up the mess.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010