knew the pathway like the back of my hand.
written: 6:49 p.m. on Tuesday, May. 15, 2007

Me: Next Thursday.
Boss: Next Thursday? Why you so special?
Me: Um, I have my driving test next Fri -
Boss (spotting the slice of bread in my hand): You so hungry ah?

HAHA. Feebly I said, "Uh, yeah, this is left over from breakfast."

He has this intimidating vibe and I found him scary but he's really just quite nice. They're all really nice over there...or at least the people in the department in which I'm interning are. Like this partner who's been giving me a bit of work lately, with whom I had a short chat this afternoon which was infinitely interesting.

I think the people who manage to get to where they are are those who are sure of what they want. People who waste time piddling over little, insignificant things and missing the big picture and being utterly indecisive and directionless are the ones perpetually stuck in one place, unable to move up. And that is sad.

Anyway, I finally finished that advice thing I was tasked to do last week, after spending one bloody morning staring at my Word document and willing desperately for something to hit me so that I could finish the task before the other boss comes back from his trip tomorrow. Drafting contracts is actually not as retarded and boring as it looks - how shocking, right? I went through the file which pretty much encapsulated the entire process and it was rather fascinating, once I got past the dryness of the language. And yet, there's a strange sort of understated art in the dryness of the language of contracts. It's all really strange and I wrote a grand total of one clause and I think the last part sucks and I had no idea what I was doing (that was the part I was staring at the whole day because it was just...weird) but it was actually rather...fun. Gasp.

Honestly? I think that, if I could do Year 1 all over again, I wouldn't get the grades I got. That piddling over small, retarded, insigificant things, being indecisive and directionless? Completely over.

I am so over myself. Seriously.

Well, if all else fails, there's always that awesome paycheck to look forward to once one starts work.

**

I would like to do Year 1 all over again, actually. Especially Contract. You can't even begin to imagine the seemingly endless possibilities that area of the law provides a person with in terms of potential lawsuits. It's fun, thinking up ways to sue people. That's kind of the first thing that hits me nowadays when something tragic or potentially tragic or just simply inconvenient happens, like a boy balancing precariously on some random fence-like thingy. Or when...okay, can't think of anything right now but yeah you get my point.

Sadly, I couldn't even remember if joint tortfeasor liability was taught in Year 1. I don't remember anything substantive from Year 1. Talk about wasting one's time, eh? Tell me about it.

**

In other news, the two major problems that I currently face persist still.

Unrelated to the preceding sentence, I currently feel rather sick, too. Great.

I'm rather bummed that my last day is next Thursday. The only good thing about that is that once again, I'll fall back into my bad habit of sleeping at 4 a.m. and waking up at 2 p.m. - which is so totally awesome. But when that's been exhausted, when you wake up at 2 and face the rest of the day with nothing to do and therefore nothing to distract you from the shit you have to face? I'm really, sincerely not looking forward to that.

And so I need to get away.

Or maybe I really just need to face everything, once and for all. Continuously running away isn't going to solve anything. It will, in fact, serve only to further compound the problem and make things even worse, as if that's possible.

But it is. Possible. Anything's possible, right? Anything's possible - especially when you continue to be plagued with uncertainty.

You'd think that, judging by the way I obsess over this shitty event and a few others every unoccupied moment of the day, I'd have reached some sort of a conclusion, or better yet, came up with a solution. But you know what? The conclusion is half-baked and wobbly, the solution completely non-existent. And how do I deal with this? Obsess some more and feel the increasing need to get away or run away, whichever expression you prefer. I don't want to commit myself to a choice I'd regret, and simultaneously I don't want to keep leading people by the nose, representing things by my action that I'm not confident of being able to live up to.

It's damn annoying lah. Really. On the one hand, you want to keep your options open; on the other, you don't want to stick around and build up hope just to have it all crash down if/when you decide to leave.

Because, you know, to some degree I still trust only that I'd leave. When I'm not invested the way I ought to be, that's about the only real outcome.

And if you ask me why a dilemma even exists, I couldn't begin to offer any other coherent, cogent explanation except, "I have issues."

Oh well.

**

HY's paralegal W needed a translator for her statement-taking duty today and I was the only person around, so I got to meet a client (well, kind of). Coolness. He was this old taxi driver dude and it was one of those car accident cases. Watching him tell W what happened, pointing out the points of collision in the photographs, listening to that almost earnest, slightly indignant, and desperately sincere tone of his voice made me quite sad. He was old. Old people shouldn't get into accidents, much less face a lawsuit for getting into an accident.

Anyway, on a less sombre note, thankfully he spoke English. I honestly don't think I would have had the faintest idea how to translate W's questions into Chinese.

Yes, my Chinese is pathetic. I'm going to have such a good time trying to speak proper Chinese when I'm in Taipei.

I need to do the dishes and meet this other dude in like 25 minutes' time so, yes.

I'm sleepy.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010