the rut.
written: 5:49 p.m. on Sunday, May. 20, 2007

I'm seriously considering getting some low-paying job after my internship because the thought of spending two weeks doing nothing before heading to Taipei is enough to drive me insane. And then it will be two, three weeks of doing nothing again before my second internship starts. I can't sit around and do nothing, not anymore.

Life is an insane travesty sometimes.

I'll be in Taipei from 13 June to 19 June. It's barely a week, but hey, better than nothing. Initially I thought we'd take the express bullet train thingy to Kaohsiung but on second thought, why bother? It's probably what Taipei was, thirty years ago.

Okay, I'm mean. But yeah, the furthest south of Taiwan I've gone is still Taichung and I have no intention of changing that at all.

I wish I'd done some internships during my first year. I realised that there are still a couple of firms I want to intern at before I apply for pupillage and I only have two holidays left, and there's court break in December. This sucks. I need to utilise whatever time I have left before it's too late, because this is about my career, and I've reached the stage where I genuinely do not understand at all how a law student can finish his third year of law school and have done no internships. It's mind boggling.

Even more mind boggling? How, just a few months ago, I was this close to finding myself in that situation a year from now.

I hate the way the word 'boggle' sounds, by the way. It's like "well-heeled". I hate words and phrases like that. Don't ask; I don't know either.

Okay, tomorrow will be a better day because I will be having lunch with Jean and Chloe and maybe Mag, then dinner with the Bitches in town after work. Yes, tomorrow will be a better day. Lunch on Tuesday with Tris and Chloe and on Wednesday with BitchB. Thursday is my last day at the Firm, which sucks, but hey, and Friday's my driving test, which sucks even more, but there's this Law Society welcome bash for newly-minted lawyers which I'm like so totally going for 'cause there's this like free flow of drinks thing at One Fullerton and it costs only $15, and more importantly I've already paid so I better pass my stupid driving and go for it at night or else it'll be $15 wasted.

I went shopping for a while yesterday morning and bought two pairs of jeans, one from Esprit and another from Guess, both of which were half price. Haha. And a random top from Zara which was honestly overpriced at $34.50 but who cares, it looked good.

And I realised that I need money because I need to buy clothes and I need to consume so I need a career in the future. Yup. Thankfully this law thing makes that a lot easier than it would be if I'd gone to England instead.

I ran into Shaiful from Jurong Junior at Guess. He was working there. He looked SO DIFFERENT. I totally didn't recognise him but he did after getting past my bangs so yeah. Was good catching up.

My room is SO disgusting. I was supposed to have thrown away my notes and whatever else the weekend after my Public Law paper. It's been three weeks and everything remains where they are, collecting dust and nesting bugs. YUCK.

But yes. I'm still lazy.

Anyway, problem solved on Friday. Yayness. Was at Cafe Iguana where I had this super yummy black tuna enchilada thingy and a super potent margarita which I ordered only because it was called Horny Toad (Sex on the Beach is my favourite cocktail). I felt damn sleepy after that. Then it was still early and still in happy hour territory so I ordered another cocktail which seemed to cancel out the effect of the first one and I felt better after.

You know what's shitty? Alcohol makes my muscles hurt. It's weird. It's happened a few times already: I'd go out, drink a bit, get a bit tipsy, and then come home and let the alcohol leave my system, after which my legs - the calf muscles - start to hurt like fuck. It's insane and highly discomforting and uncomfortable. It's like this dull ache that seizes your muscle and doesn't relent until a few hours later, therefore keeping you up at night because the pain makes it hard to sleep. Ugh. Hopefully that'd stop after some time.

Also, I'm still fat. My tummy is insanely disgusting.

I have recently fallen in love with high heels and shoes in general so I will be massively shopping for shoes after my internship ends when I can go out shopping in the day away from the crowd. I never cared much for shoes but nowadays, I just want to keep buying shoes.

Oh yeah I forgot I have no money. Can't wait for the GST offset thing to be deposited into my bank account.

(By the way, two hundred bucks? Yeah, because I spend that little in a year. I'd say it's better than nothing, but really, what I want to say is, why even bother? At least they're trying, right? Sure.)

I need a social life in order not to go insane.

Someone told me that I'm a good catch, that I could have any guy in the world I wanted. The accuracy of that statement aside, sometimes it's not about having anyone. It's not about anything grand or revelatory or epiphanic (just pretend it's a word) really; it's about something quite simple and straightforward.

But yeah, what's the point, really? Besides, I don't want anyone. I could honestly date a different guy every week right now and not give a damn. I'm just honestly, excruciatingly tired of this whole thing.

Lastly, I think I dreamt of Blake Lewis. But I forgot what it was about. Shit. Can't wait to watch him in the FINALS!

(This is embarrassing to admit to but I was thinking of going to work on Thursday at 11 a.m. after watching the American Idol results show at home [which will be shown at 8 a.m. if Channel 5 continues with its practice of airing the finale live], but I realised that it's what I'd do in secondary school. I think we all have to move on from our teenaged irresponsible selves at some point.)

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010