this isn't worth reading. despite that, chace crawford is my soulmate.
written: 3:51 p.m. on Thursday, Oct. 11, 2007

Because Nate IDon'tKnowHisLastName is So. Fucking. Pretty. He started the show with his hair combed back and well, my Hot Guy Alert radar instantly picked up on his hotness, but it wasn't until he started combing his hair down in an entirely natural-looking, slightly scruffy and yet so put-together fashion that I have decided to give my heart to him.

Because - have I mentioned this yet? - HE IS SO PRETTY. In Episode 4 he displayed just how bloody stupid he is, but who cares about a guy's intelligence when he is so good to look at? I can go on looking at him all day long. WHY DON'T GUYS IN REAL LIFE LOOK LIKE HIM? My trophy boyfriend would totally look like that. And Nate's supposed to be rich so that makes him even more of a trophy. And - I think I've mentioned this but it's totally worth repeating - HE IS SO HEART-STOPPINGLY, DEVASTATINGLY PRETTY.

And I use the word 'pretty' because he has the kind of looks that is way more than cute, slightly above hot, skirting the boundaries of beautiful but not quite entirely there: the summation of all these qualities? Pretty. He is SO PRETTY.

You know, I think I am attracted to guys with slightly feminine features - or to put it rudely and bluntly, guys that look like girls, or are accused of looking like girls. I think if I were to peg a "type", that would be it. Of course, I am attracted to all sorts of hot guys, but the sort that I consistently find attractive are guys that look like girls. I find long eyelashes very attractive, dimples a major plus point, and angular faces with high, well-defined cheekbones really sexy. In short, the guy of my dreams who obviously doesn't exist outside the delusion of my imagination looks like Nate.

OMG I WANNA MARRY HIM NOW.

Okay, I shall attempt to save this post from the superficiality that has contaminated it thus far, since it's my first post in what feels like forever. For starters, a couple hilarious quoteables from this morning's class:

"What you've taken down [in class] and passed on to your [juniors] is actually a contamination of their fragile minds."

When reading from a judgment: "'had to have had' - English very strange. Have you heard of this phrase?"

He's quite randomly funny. And I did that thing in class again where I knew the answers but kept my mouth clammed shut. I think I ought to be shot.

Rui is hilarious. I love her! We're having this completely retarded SMS conversation right now, the content of which I'm not going to divulge because it is completely retarded and I can't stop laughing because it's sooo funny!

I'm sooo completely in love with Nate. Chace Crawford. I need a pretty/hot trophy boyfriend now.

On a more serious note, there was a point in time, and very recently at that, when I was convinced that I wouldn't do random relationships/dating again, but somehow, I woke up one day and found that the "conviction" had been completely subverted. Whereas I told friends at one point that I wouldn't enter something unless I'm sure as humanly possible that there's a possibility of it leading to marriage, now I find that I really don't give a shit. I suppose it all boils down to what you want in a boyfriend. At some point I wanted more than the superficial fun and comfort and whatever else of having a boyfriend - security, reliability, stability. I wanted a guy to become a boring couple with, the whole commitment thing.

But now? I don't care anymore. Guys come and go; it's just what they do. The ones that stay have never come into my life, and maybe it's just the way it's going to be. So what the fuck, why shouldn't I make the most of the shit that life has dealt me and live it up? I'm not getting any younger, I'm not going to look like this for the rest of my life, so stop wasting time on holding out for that one thing meaningful that has a 99% chance of never happening and just have fun. That's what life should be about, none of the "I love you until the end of time" crap, because NO ONE LOVES A PERSON UNTIL THE END OF TIME. They only think that they do in that moment of what is, quite frankly, fucking insanity - nothing more, nothing less.

Therefore, I am whole-heartedly for random, meaningless, fun-filled dating. Throw in sex if that's what you're after, sleep with ten million people at once if that's what makes you happy. Because I've realised that the most important person in my life is myself, and that no guy should ever replace that #1 spot. No guy should ever matter that much, or matter at all, because no one is worth sacrificing for.

Basically? No guy in this world is indispensable. He only becomes indispensable because you chose to hold him out as such. And you know what they say about volenti non fit injuria, voluntary assumption of the risk - the onus is on you to pick up the pieces and rebuild after the shit has hit the fan. And what if you can't? What if you simply crumble up die? So the simplest solution? Don't let that happen. Ever.

So there you have it: My complete view on love and sex and relationships and dating. I'm trying to remember a time when I was this cynical but I honestly can't remember. Interesting, that.

Okay, I've kind of lost the plot already and I need to like, study, or something, so I'll conclude this post by saying: Chace Crawford is the prettiest guy ever and I wanna marry him. NOW.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010