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bleah fdfehga shit.
written: 7:44 p.m. on Saturday, Feb. 23, 2008

I woke up crying again today and the mild depression lasted for a few hours. My mom doesn't really understand why I keep crying. She thinks that I'm worried that it won't get better - which is true, but I'm more depressed over the sudden deformity of my face.

Of course, I've been trying to keep things in perspective by imagining worse fates that could have happened. Like, you know, at least I'm not pregnant, at least I'm not suffering a stroke, at least I'm not dying. But I'm not sure how helpful these 'at least's are when the thought of me being pregnant or suffering from a stroke or dying are really just quite ludicrous.

Then again, if someone were to tell me a week earlier that the left side of my face would become 90% frozen, I would have thought that it was totally ludicrous too.

It's just...why? This condition occurs more frequently in diabetics and pregnant women, and I think people with herpes. But I'm not diabetic, I'm certainly not pregnant, and the last I checked I didn't have herpes. The only major illness I had before this happened was a migraine. If I had known that this was going to happen, I wouldn't have stayed up playing some crappy computer game last Saturday. But what's the use of saying that now?

On a happier note, Ruishan kindly offered to come over to my house to keep me company tonight, which was really sweet of her. But because I'm in absolutely no condition to be seen by people outside of my family, I told her that I have an Infocoms paper to do - which, by the way, I totally do - and that I look too frightful right now to be seen. But I really want to get started on that stupid piece of Infocoms shit because it's due really soon and I should get it done before I become totally depressed, right? Right. I think so too. Kenneth also texted me to ask me how I was after reading my Facebook profile haha. That was a pleasant surprise.

Anyway, apologies to those whose messages I haven't answered. I'm not really up to it right now; hopefully that will change over the next few days, and hopefully I get my sense of humour back enough to make facial paralysis jokes.

In the meantime, I really have to get past my inertia and get started on that dreadful paper.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010