Favourite song at the moment, and a serious reason for my David Cook obsession.
written: 10:40 p.m. on Saturday, Apr. 26, 2008

I am so addicted to this song right now that it's not even funny anymore.

Incarcerate by Axium:


So much for being alone
Cold peace on my own
I'll cut my skin to show you I'm alive
A king on high-volt throne
The world is ours to own
Our ashes are so divine

I'll swim in you if you drown in me
We'll search everywhere for a happy ending
Incarcerate, rest peacefully where you are

Can you remember me
With all that I can see
A hole in my head because you were mine
Like a closed book you can read brings back those memories
On how everything looks outside

I'll swim in you if you drown in me
We'll search everywhere for a happy ending
Incarcerate, rest peacefully where you are

I've probably listened to this song a million times before it became my current favourite song, and all those times I thought it was boring and sounded like another Axium song, Balance (which David wrote for his grandfather when he passed away *hugs*), which sounded like yet another Axium song whose name I can't remember. Basically, half the songs on Axium's The Story Thus Far album sound like each other.

(Okay, I exaggerate - half is too much of a stretch, considering I haven't listened to all of them. But many songs do sound like each other.)

But last night iTunes randomly skipped to Incarcerate, and I was half-listening and mostly drooling over these majorly hot Cookie pictures, when suddenly I heard David sing in his soft, tortured voice, "I'll swim in you if you drown in me."

I instantly perked up, and I'm not exaggerating. I've listened to that song so many times already and that was the first time I heard what David was singing. Immediately I was like, "OH. MY. GOD." Next thing I did? Opened up Notepad and tried to transcribe the lyrics, but as usual, could not catch most of what David sang.

(He actually enunciates very well and the problem lies with me: I cannot decipher song lyrics, no matter who's singing. But with David, I catch about 70% of the words which is like, a major accomplishment.)

Thank goodness for the Internet and fans that post his lyrics online. Now that I know what he's singing, I suddenly love this song to bits and pieces. It's still the same slow melancholic dreary song but I LOVE IT because he sings "I'll drown in you if you swim in me".

The "I'll cut my skin" part is SO high school tortured angst, and so reminiscent of the shit I passed off as "poetry" when I was in secondary school...except the shit I wrote in secondary school was about ten million times more angsty than that, and stupendously badly-written to boot.

I love the "A king on high-volt throne" line - says so much with so little. I LOVE IT.

The Story Thus Far came out in 2004, when David was 22, so he probably wrote the songs when he was about 21, 22. Or earlier, I don't know. He wrote Analog Heart from 2004 to 2006 when he was still in college, and he released it when he graduated from college.

I think he's a hard-working genius and I'd give everything I have to offer to be as dedicated to my craft as he is to his. He gave up a regular job that he could definitely have secured with his college degree to pursue his music, and I really find that inspiring and admirable. It takes a lot of guts and conviction in your own talent and confidence to chase something that is potentially elusive - and he did it.

That's one of the many reasons why I am so completely enamoured (one of his favourite words, or at least he uses it a lot) with him, to the point of no return. Seeing how successful he is on American Idol (and beyond, I'm certain) is so gratifying because it's all his hard work paying off, and no one else in the competition deserves to win more than he does. All the nonsense about him being a ringer and how the fact that he released a solo CD means that he doesn't deserve to be on the show because he's depriving someone else of a spot is just bullshit. He's worked his ass off to get where he is, and it's not like he had the money to fund his own album. He had to look for financial backing all on his own, and he was definitely not signed to any record label, let alone a major one.

He gave himself until he's 26 to milk the starving musician thing. He turns 26 in December 20 this year. I am so happy that Andrew dragged him to his American Idol audition in Omaha for moral support; otherwise, Idol would never have happened, he'd still be stuck in Missouri/Tulsa (seriously: Where the fuck is Tulsa? That's exactly his problem) trying to make music his full-time job, and after he turns 26 he'd put his graphic design degree to some use and give up the music.

And you know what? I cannot imagine a world in which I cannot listen to David Cook's music. That world is unbearable and cruel and cold and unkind.

Everything about him is inspiring, especially his strength of character and his confidence to chase what he loves. Of course he's not the only person in the world to have done that, but he's the only person that I know of to have done that, and so he's the archetype for how important it is to, first, believe in your own talent, and second, believe in it enough to have the confidence to chase your dreams and, yes, follow your heart. If I could tell David Cook only one thing, that's what I'd tell him.

And you know what? I think that was what opened the writing/law school Pandora's box all over again. And maybe it's worth it, because no matter what angle I look at it from, I really don't want to lead a life where I regret not pursuing the writing thing. Of course it wasn't just Cookie who kind of prodded me in this direction; some other stuff happened over the past couple of months that made it even clearer that, basically, life is too short to be afraid. I don't want to go into details, so suffice it to say that a professor said something in class that really resonated in me. It was just a one-liner, but it hit me straight in the heart and it almost made me cry, and I haven't forgotten it since.

I still don't know what I intend to do about this, or even who to talk to for some sort of guidance. I guess I'll just have to figure it out in due time.

Back to David though, 'cause it's more interesting to talk about him than my own stupid, hazy future. I honestly think that he's the whole package (thanks, Paula Abdul). He's supremely talented, for one, and makes amazing song choices. He knows exactly what to do with the show's stupid theme nights and how to make them suit his voice, because he has enough musicality to do that.

He's also extremely principled. He's never talked about his orange bracelet and he's never once talked about his older brother. A lesser contestant would have used both to gain votes, the orange bracelet to show that he's a caring sweet guy, and the older brother to make people feel sorry for him. Even when he cried on stage during the week his brother went to the show, he didn't breathe a word about him during the results show, even when Seacrest was all, "Why were you so emotional last night?"

I've watched Idol long enough to know that the show loves a tragic back story and contestants usually have no qualms about talking about it. But with David, he didn't bring his older brother to the limelight; the media did. And when he could've used his brother to gain sympathy votes, he flat out refused to.

Even the time when David was sick and was "rushed to the hospital" he chose to downplay the whole thing on results night the next day and said that the whole thing was "blown out of proportion". He's just not the kind of guy to play the sympathy card and whatever success he's seen on the show? It's entirely him. And that's why I not only admire him, but respect him as well.

(He's never been in bottom 3, by the way, and he pretty much went from random rocker dude with bad hair in the background to being the One to Beat this season. I don't care what Randy Moron Jackson said about ArchuBot; it's increasingly clear that The One to Beat is David Cook.)

And then of course there's the dedication to music and his determination to pursue it that I've already talked about. So many of us take the easy way out and give up the road less taken for job security and a roof over our heads; it's the rare individual that chooses not to do so. And it's the rare individual who has the talent to succeed when luck knocks on his door. David is totally that rare individual.

So yeah, my non-shallow, non-music related reasons for loving David Cook. His supreme hotness makes it a lot easier to obsess over him, of course, but it didn't start with his supreme hotness (which he didn't have until a month and a half ago anyway), and I still haven't forgotten the main reasons I was so drawn to him, and still am so drawn to him. He's simply amazing. In every sense of the word.

before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010