dgihjsrg!!!!!!!!!
written: 9:38 a.m. on Wednesday, May. 07, 2008

Edited to add at 11.35 a.m. after voting madness is over:

Wow, I didn't even notice I typed in all caps. Oops.

More importantly:

This show and this whole process has allotted me a brand new lease on life in that I'm more sure of who I am now than I ever was before. When you're trying to be a career musician and you have $200 in the bank and your car's breaking down and you're lonely, you tend to think about whether or not you've got what it takes to do this, you know? To be here now, be in the top [four] and to have this outpouring of support from people I've never met and may never meet, it's awe inspiring that in a couple months time that large an amount of people have managed to invest themselves in who I am. It's allowed me to walk around with this new aura about me. I feel like, "All right, I'm in this. I know why I'm here and know what I want to do and I'm not going to accept anything less," which is cool. So yeah, I think the whole process has been very vindicating.

At some level I knew that he couldn't have been 100% sure of himself every single second of the day pre-Idol because he's still human, gasp, and we all have our moments of weakness; but having concrete proof that he had doubts and had low moments is just...

It pretty much encapsulates why he's gotten under my skin and why he's touched me so much on a personal level. I've probably flogged this dead horse more times than necessary but still, I find him so inspiring and inspirational. It probably helps that he's around my age and that he's really just a normal dude with a passion and talent for music who's tried to make a living out of it for the past few years, and that he's not someone with connections in the biz or some child prodigy who wrote his first symphony when he was 2 or whatever.

I'm so glad I watch Idol and I'm SO glad that his mom and his brother forced him to audition for the show. When things finally come to a head for me and when I can no longer choose to put off burning the bridge until I get to it, when I'm actually standing on the freaking bridge, it's going to be interesting, to say the least, to see what happens. It takes a lot of guts and conviction and courage to say 'fuck you' to the $4500 and my biggest problem is, still, that I'm just not sure if I have any of those things.

Oh my god I need someone mature and knowledgeable and wise to talk to, which automatically precludes my parents who cannot see this shit from an objective point of view anymore anyway. At this point I'm not even sure how the "it's a waste to throw away four years of law school" is going to hold up anymore. Basically? I'm confused. It should be simple, but it's really not, and as much as I wish I could pull a David and say "I wouldn't do a thing differently", the truth is, I wish I could go back and stop my 19-year-old self from accepting the NUS Law offer.

Still, I know I always have options, and for now, that's kind of enough.

ANYWAY. So I pretty much freaked out from 9 to 11 and I voted non-stop for the entire two hours and got through probably half the time. I read reviews of the show on TWoP and elsewhere and apparently David 1) didn't do very well; 2) messed up the ending of his second song; 3) looked tired; 4) looked exhausted; 5) looked upset; 6) looked pissed off; and 7) have I mentioned didn't do very well?

Knowing David, what people mean by 'didn't do very well' is probably 'isn't up to the usual David Cook standards'. Apparently ArchuBot had another Imagine moment, and Castro completely tanked and once again got torn apart by the judges. Syesha likened herself to someone participating in the Civil Rights movement and cried on stage.

What the fuck. I'm officially worried. I'm scared, as a matter of fact. I'm suddenly so relieved that I don't get to watch the results show live because there is NO. WAY. IN. HELL. I'd be able to make it through that kind of stress and anxiety and NOT suffer a heart attack. I woke up at 8.50 this morning instead of 8.30 like I originally planned and didn't want to get up at all but I forced myself to wake up because, hello, who the fuck cares about sleep when it's time to vote for David Cook? And throughout the two hours I was like OMG I'M DYING OMG CAN I JUST WAKE UP AND FIND THAT DAVID HAS WON OMG WHY IS THIS SEASON SO LONG. Argh. This is worse than taking an exam.

DialIdol has him in #1, but oh, if only DialIdol were 100% accurate and were the be all and end all. I hope - fervently - that Castro leaves this week. Not only does he suck, he also splits votes with David, so if he leaves, David will be getting at least some of his votes. And not to mention - I honestly cannot imagine the poor musical taste of the people that vote for Castro, AND I bet they're all deaf. Hallelujah Castro I can kind of understand, but the Castro that's been showing up on my TV ever since he massacred Memory? I don't get it. At all.

On the bright side, Chris Daughtry got eliminated during this week of his season which apparently shocked the shit out of everyone, and if there's one thing I must force myself to say I like about Daughtry, this is it. Thanks, Daughtry, for getting your arse kicked off the show this time two years ago; it sure as hell did a damn good job getting David's fans all riled up and freaked out (e.g.: me) and inspired non-stop power-voting across the board.

And speaking of Daughtry, can I just say that I'm APPALLED beyond words that according to some USA Today poll, people think that David should do a duet with Chris. CAN I PLEASE PUKE AND DIE NOW. They also think that David should put out an album of "angst rock" a la Daughtry. Sorry but since WHEN was there a genre called "angst rock"? Fuckers. USA Today sucks, and all the ignoramuses out there that think David is Daughtry v.2 are morons. How can that even be logically possible if I hated Daughtry and am obviously in love with David?

Ugh I can't study. I don't even know what to "study" anymore anyway. I've read all the Powerpoint slides and I did last year's exam paper and my Chinese can't be rescued in twenty-four hours soooo. Yeah.

OKAY I NEED TO GO STUDY NOW. It'd be funny tomorrow when I lug THREE freaking dictionaries to the freaking exam venue.

Oh wait, I need to decide if I should check the Idol results tomorrow morning or after my paper. ARGH. Fuck Idol, I hate you.

Edit #2 at 1.20 p.m.:

I would snark on the fugly beard and what looks like a t-shirt underneath the jacket, not to mention how my first thought when I saw this picture was, "WTF, BLAKE LEWIS?!"...but he looks so disturbed and sad and unhappy.

This is really reminding me of David's demeanor after he sang Innocent, which is probably his worst performance of the season. He barely smiled, he looked like he knew what the judges were gonna say before they said it, and he was just...unhappy.

Sigh. D:

+1-866-436-5705

+1-866-436-5701

I WASN'T GETTING THROUGH AT ALL FOR THE FIRST HALF HOUR.

I AM ABSOLUTELY DYING HERE.

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO WATCH THE SHOW TONIGHT 'CAUSE I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO ENJOY IT UNLESS I KNOW FOR SURE HE'S SAFE.

OH MY GOD DAVID I AM DYING.

AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU SANG. WTF IS HUNGRY LIKE A WOLF, WTF IS BABA WHATEVER?!?!?! I WAS HOPING I'D RECOGNISE AT LEAST ONE SONG SINCE IT'S ROCK N ROLL HALL OF FAME BUT NOOOOO MUSIC OF THE NIGHT WASN'T GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN, WAS IT DAVID??

WTFCOOK! YOU ARE AMAZING.

AND OH MY GOD WHY DID HE GO FIRST WHY. WHY. WHY. WHY.

I WILL BE SURPRISED IF I GET THROUGH THESE TWO HOURS WITHOUT SUFFERING A HEART ATTACK. OR TWO.

WHOEVER WANTS TO DO ME A FAVOUR AND VOTE FOR DAVID: FREE AND EASY AND REQUIRES NO DOWNLOADING AND NO INSTALLATION!

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010