No. Freaking. Way.
written: 12:59 a.m. on Wednesday, Aug. 20, 2008
OH MY GOD SHIT FUCK DIE I WANT TO KILL MYSELF RIGHT NOW. WAIT, THE CURRENT ME HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY PRESENT PREDICAMENT, SO MAKE THAT I WANT TO KILL MY 19-YEAR-OLD SELF. SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT.
I should've done this earlier. If I'd known earlier, I would have dropped Conflicts straight away. OH MY GOD. It's not about resting on my pathetic second lower because I already have a pupillage place; I don't fucking care about having a pupillage place. It's about everything that comes after that, a second option, the easiest and most convenient way out of Singapore - doing a Masters, obviously not in NUS.
I'm pretty much screwed, aren't I? I can't help the what if's, so I can't help but think how things would be so different now if I'd decided to go to London to study English. At least it'd be something that I'm actually passionate about, and it's much easier to do well in subjects that you love, rather than subjects that you're struggling to like.
Oh my god, law school. On the one hand, I'm glad I won't need to go through the hassle of looking for a job after graduation. On the other hand, I don't want to stay in Singapore, I'm currently struggling to do better than average, and it's so much more difficult trying to do better when you're not particularly inclined towards the subject. And I just HAD to take Conflicts. Oh my god. Such a bad, bad decision, Yelen, seriously.
Argh I don't know oh my god dammit I want to die. I have like ten thousand pages of things to read for State Building and it's all in a crazy 682-page PDF document and I hate reading things off my laptop so yeah, great. UGH.
Okay, but I just have to say that I am seriously in love with Roger Federer. I honestly cannot describe what he does to me, what looking at him does for my dwindling and diminishing hope and expectation for the male population with which I'm actually in contact. He is just so devastatingly beautiful, I don't even know, I can't even say. And it's not at all one of my OMG DAVID COOK!!1!11! FREAK OUT!1!1 moments. I totally have a crush on Roger and I fully intend to watch tennis now (not entirely because of Roger, I must say; I'm actually legitimately addicted to watching it), but I'm nowhere close to being obsessed with him. It's just that I really cannot get over how good-looking he is. He's not merely good-looking; he's beautiful. And I want him for myself! But he's been with the same woman for like, ever, so yay for him.
Okay I have to do some real work now, even though I'd much rather sleep. Bleah. Thanks Kyle, for helping me work out that grades nonsense, though I'm really super panicked and I want to die. But oh well. WHATEVER.
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010