Too many ghosts.
written: 8:32 p.m. on Monday, Dec. 08, 2008

I've gone out shopping for two days straight and yet I still haven't done any real, proper shopping. In my humble opinion, shopping for specific things - this time, winter wear, of all boring things to shop for - does not count as "real, proper shopping", which can only occur when one is shopping for the sake of it. It is, of course, an art form - one that I mastered, but alas, I am slowly losing my touch.

I NEED TO SHOP, DAMMIT.

Still, I was pretty happy with the stuff I bought yesterday. I finally bought a tennis skort (skirt + shorts, or culottes; it's a pair of shorts with a flap in front that makes it look like a skirt) from Nike, and the absolute best thing about it is that...IT'S THE SAME COLOUR SCHEME AS ROGER'S TENNIS MASTERS CUP/EXHIBITION MATCHES POLO T-SHIRT. Look!


Okay, the colours of my skort can't really be seen in that picture, but trust me, it's the exact same colours as Roger's polo: the same dark navy blue and the same light baby blue. I AM SO HAPPY! I don't really have a top to go with it but whatever, one thing at a time! And the pockets are really nice and deep too, which means I no longer have to squeeze the tennis ball through the pockets like I did with this other pair of shorts I have. YAY!

(The thing about wearing shorts with pockets is that you can put the ball in the pocket instead of holding it in your left hand. This is very helpful because it's impossible to play a double-handed backhand when you're holding something in your left hand. So, yeah.)

Then I was at Kino and I bought this anthology of stories about tennis HAHA! I was going to laugh at it when I first saw it, but I turned it over and saw the names Martin Amis, Margaret Atwood and David Foster Wallace, so I bought it. The Amis piece is, sadly, a mere excerpt. Oh well. He writes really awesome tennis scenes though, like the one in Money.

Today was spent on buying winter stuff which bored me to tears. The Mango at Parkway Parade didn't have a new piece for my coat (I'm not spending $255 on a display piece, thanks) and I asked the guy if he could check other outlets for me. He took down my name and number and said he'd call and let me know...BUT HE NEVER DID. Fucking shithead. I'm gonna have to go to town tomorrow and look for it, which is just soooo annoying.

Surprisingly, after my dad balked at the price, I wore it for him and he nodded and said, "Okay buy it." YAY! Happiness is me.

***

Today has been really, really cold. I was freezing every time I was outside, and the air-conditioner indoors didn't do anything to make things better. I don't understand why shopping malls and restaurants keep insisting on blasting their stupid air-conditioning when it's already so cold, and when there's really no need to turn the place into a freezer. My coldness tolerance has seriously plummeted, for whatever strange reason. Every time I complain about being cold, the person I'm with would tell me it's not cold, so it must be just me.

And the worst part? I'm sleeping - trying to sleep - with a blocked nose every night, and today I couldn't stop sniffling and sneezing. The last time I went back to Taiwan in winter, I fell sick. Somehow, I have a feeling I'm going to fall sick next week. Bleah.

I hate going back to Taiwan in winter. It's so, so annoying and utterly inconvenient. Hopefully it doesn't rain too much; I'm not really keen to carry an umbrella.

***

I've decided to drop Directed Research. I absolutely cannot write another research paper. Absolutely cannot. I am all maxed out.

***

We had dinner at Pasta Fresca, Bukit Timah, today.

It was kind of weird. It's been six years since I was last there, and yet, apart from superficial changes, the place still looked the same. That table-for-two I sat at alone the night I went there by myself to ask for the Cute Waiter's number, the Cute Waiter who eventually became my boyfriend when I had no idea what that even meant. Then there were the vague flashbacks to him looking at me from across the counter top, after we'd got to know each other; meeting his intense gaze, then looking away, just to stare straight back at it when I shyly looked back up, and those afternoons spent in the closed restaurant, just him and me, talking about absolutely nothing because talking was so not the point.

If I'd known that it was the beginning of the end, would I have kept the train going? Would I have pulled the emergency brakes?

But then, maybe I'm stubborn, but I stand by every single decision I made in the past anyway, no matter how badly they turned out. It's pointless trying to use hindsight to skew the circumstances and hypothesise about what I'd do differently. The fact is, it's done. It's over. Not even the most valiant, most earnest "if only" is able to turn back the clock and whip up a "backspace" button to erase the past. Move on - move along, nothing to see here. Move on.

That's easy to do when the person and the thing didn't mean that much to you anyway. That was extremely easy to do six years ago because we had nothing in common anyway, and it was an absolute mismatch. It was just a bit weird to be back there again, for the first time in six years, even if I didn't avoid the place on purpose.

Too many ghosts! Fuck it.

***

ANYWAY. Roger's playing in Abu Dhabi on January 1, 2009, along with Nadal, James Blake, Davydenko, and I forgot who else. It's an exhibition match so the outcome doesn't really matter.

But Roger must win anyway. First tournament of the year against top ten players - he has to make his mark, make his presence felt, show everyone who the real #1 is, and exactly who's boss.

Roger Federer is the King. There is no one else.

before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010