This is my prejudice.
written: 9:33 p.m. on Wednesday, Feb. 18, 2009

Two things to say about the Nation Building test:

1. Like, omg, I've never written something so pro-government in my life when I actually know better; and

2. Boy, am I glad I didn't study.

I was expecting a one-question essay but no, there were two questions, two parts to the second, and an extract from a speech by some Minister about Singapore and how young Singaporeans don't know shit about Singapore's history and the questions were based on the passage. Actually, there was something I could've done more - read the articles for the first class. They named three scholars who wrote copiously about nationalism whose names I only recognised from the first lecture. Other than that, I had no idea who they were, let alone what they said, so I just made something up.

If this actually went well, I might seriously consider not even studying for the exam. HAHAHA. Okay, I kid; I don't think I could ever go into an exam 100% unprepared. I was maybe 99% unprepared for today's test but it's just 10% so whatever.

*

The simulation exercise in Intelligence Law was really fun today. SC was in character the whole time and I was so amused! He's a wonderful professor and I'd recommend all my friends to take his classes but most of my friends are graduating this year (except Yuch! Take S!m0n Chesterm@n's classes when you're back from exchange!) so it's a bit too late. But he's really wonderful! I should know - I've taken all his modules and liked them all. The most boring, actually, is Intelligence. He really wasn't lying when he warned everyone in the first class that Intelligence Law wasn't as sexy as it sounded. Sigh! I'm cool with the theories and the ideas but when it comes to how the agencies actually work and what the oversight and review mechanisms are, when it comes to the details, I get extremely irritated and the details simply don't hold my interest.

I'm so doomed for next Saturday's exam. Worst part? Four questions, 3000 words in total, which means roughly 700+ words for each question. The thing I'm absolutely rubbish at when it comes to writing? Writing concisely. I'm verbose and I like setting up what I want to say in fluffy, flowery language which do not sit well with the whole idea of being "concise" so yeah, I'm doomed. Doomed.

*

I really cannot understand the Kent Ridge campus. I seriously almost got lost today walking from LT 8 where I had the test back to the LT 11 car park. To begin with, I didn't even know where the hell LT 8 was, which was why I parked at where I always parked. Then I had to walk up ten million flights of stairs again which was tres annoying and I had no idea where I was. It felt really sad and lonely trying to find my way back to my car all by myself after the test had ended and it was just getting dark. At that moment, I really missed BTC; even if my friends aren't around, I'd at least have had the familiarity factor to count on.

On another note, I sat down at Coffee Club express before the test as I was there an hour early. Next to me sat a Singaporean guy and a PRC girl. They were talking about Singapore's history, especially the merger and separation period. I intended to read some of the articles before taking the test but by then I was too tired and lackadaisical to do anything useful so I ended up listening to their conversation.

At one point I actually thought, "I think I should stop disliking PRCs. They're actually quite normal."

A few minutes later, I heard the guy say to the girl in Chinese, "But you think we're all Chinese." Chinese as in zhong guo ren as in PRCer.

To that the girl replied, "Yeah, but you don't see yourself that way."

I honestly thought all the things I've heard about how the people in China think that every single ethnic Chinese in the world is a zhong guo ren has been exaggerated, or that it only applied to the Taiwanese. But this afternoon I had a first-hand encounter of that scary and completely inexplicable, not to mention offensive, phenomenon. I left immediately after I heard that to avoid yelling at the girl so sure, I didn't get the whole context, but I think what I heard was enough.

All I can say is: I'm not a fucking zhong guo ren, thanks. I've been to China once my whole life. I'm Singaporean, sometimes Taiwanese; I'm Taiwanese, sometimes Singaporean. I'm not a zhong guo ren. I will never deny being a hua ren, but I will never, ever identify myself as a zhong guo ren.

These assholes need to get over themselves. China, contrary to what its name in Chinese implies, is not actually the centre of the world, and not all people of Chinese origins want to "return to the motherland". China is not my fucking motherland, for crying out loud. I was born in Singapore. I was raise in Singapore and Taiwan. I spent maybe seven days of my life in China; how the hell does that make me a zhong guo ren?

Ugh. I was actually quite genuine in wanting to do something about my prejudice against the PRCs but that girl just had to sit next to me and give me yet another reason not to.

On the bright side, I know there is one PRC I don't dislike: the guy at the drinks stall in the canteen. I always buy the same thing from them - him and this other Singaporean dude - and they seem to always be at the stall when I go get my coffee, and both of them already know what I want to order before I open my mouth to say it. The PRC dude has been very nice in helping me cap my drink and sticking the straw in (which is DAMN HARD and I can never do it myself 'cause I'm such a girl), and today, while I was standing behind another guy who'd already ordered, this bloody auntie just shamelessly stood in front of the guy in front of me and CUT MY QUEUE. She was all, "Do you have milo without the condensed milk?" (She said in Chinese and her version of 'condensed milk' was 'tian nai'. HAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK I LOVE SINGAPOREANS AND THEIR BAD CHINESE - NOT.) The PRC guy answered and everything but made me my coffee first! He probably saw me standing behind the guy and shooting dangers at that bloody auntie.

In all seriousness though, I try to be consistent in the views that I hold and the principles I subscribe to. I strongly believe in not harbouring any prejudices against a person on grounds of his religion, race, or nationality (and other things that presently don't come to mind). But this prejudice I harbour against the PRCs is just...I just can't understand what the hell they're thinking most of the time. I'm Chinese and therefore I'm a zhong guo ren? What, do they want to subvert Singapore's sovereignty too? And Malaysia's as well? Staking their claims unjustly on Taiwan is not enough, is it?

It annoys me so deeply that I can't presently be consistent. I know it's wrong and that it's unfair and I shouldn't react this way but it really, really bothers me. I don't know if I'd be this annoyed and bothered if I didn't care about Taiwan; but as it stands, I care about Taiwan. Deeply. I also care deeply about my own nationality which is not PRC and so I find it extremely offensive when some zhong guo ren comes and tells me that I'm also a zhong guo ren.

Thankfully that hasn't happened. I hope it never happens because, well, because it might get really, really ugly.

*

Lastly, I met with the Taiwanese professor before he went back to Taipei and it was really fun. We talked for an hour and twenty minutes (hence making me late for dinner and so I was eating in my International Criminal Law class - how glam, not) and didn't actually talk a lot about my paper but all the other things that were talked about were great.

I might actually look him up the next time I go back to Taipei. I'd love to see NTU again!

before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010