I Hate and I Love written: 11:06 p.m. on Tuesday, Mar. 03, 2009
Lovers separate when a catastrophe occurs: the ground beneath their feet splitting into two, right down the middle, falling between the cracks, unable to hold on. A frustrating event that renders the rest of the
contract unperformable. I suppose there's nothing else left to say when the damage cuts so deeply that a part of me dies whenever I talk to him. I cry when he hands me back the change.
Ad finem ultimum. What happens when that has been exhausted too? An implicit gratuitous promise, its existence overlooked, when two people get together for an indefinite period of time. Shocking
oversight. They failed to read the fine print before signing on the dotted line: without certainty of term, you don't have a lease, just an inchoate equity when one has relied on the other's representation
to her detriment and suffered a loss. The way I'm bound to you, hands tied behind my back, limboing between the dark abyss below and the bright freedom above. I can't switch you off, can't sever the taut threads of feelings that
continually stitch my skin into yours. I have missed the sunrise, I have fallen through the cracks, I don't call him when I get home. Odi et amo. Quare id faciam, fortasse requiris? Nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.
February 1, 2007
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Catallus 85: I hate and I love. Why I do this, perhaps you ask? I do not know not, but I feel it happening, and I am tormented.
Note: The translation here wasn't the one that I originally read when I wrote this but I am too lazy to plug in my external hard drive and dig out the Word document that contains the translation that I did read. It's about there.
Note #2: It just hit me that 2007 was two years ago.