I understand how Roger feels.
written: 8:59 p.m. on Tuesday, Apr. 14, 2009

But yes. I understand how Roger feels.

I can't write my Human Rights exam because all I can see in my head when I click on my Word document is a B and that freaks me out and almost drives me into Panic Attack mode, and because of that I can't think, my judgment is clouded, I want another A- for the remaining 70% so damn badly that I think I'm choking right now.

Fuck this shit.

I told Simon today that I seem to produce my best work when I'm backed into a corner with nowhere to turn and thus no choice but to come up with some quality stuff under a short amount of time. Having two weeks to do this exam, while seemingly a luxury, is turning out to be a curse. I think maybe I'm starting on the exam too early; maybe I should do it on Friday or something, leaving me with the weekend to write 5000 words.

But I just want to finish this because I want to finish my Land, Law and Development in Asia paper before 25 April because I don't want to still be doing work after the 25th of this month. And so I can't fall asleep at night (though after I fall asleep I don't wake up until like 10 hours later), I wake up every day feeling a huge burden on my shoulders, and at times like these I kind of wish I hadn't taken back the Human Rights assignment 'cause I'd die if I don't get an A for this module. And thoughts like these? Totally unhelpful. They're distracting and counter-productive and I haven't played well with stress and pressure lately, mainly because I haven't felt any, but now...

U.G.H.

Kill me NOW.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010