American Idol: Top 5 Rant, Part Two
written: 6:56 p.m. on Wednesday, Apr. 29, 2009

1. Before I begin, I take back some of my rant against Simon. What he said about Kris wasn't all that bad per se; but it becomes aggravatingly DISGUSTING when it's taken in context of the other performances. Was Kris the best of the night? No, he wasn't; that accolade goes to Adam, as usual. But was Kris not in it to win? Of course he wasn't. And I'm sorry, but I just don't see how DANNY or even MATT was in it more to win tonight than Kris. I don't see how Danny and Matt were any safer than Kris with their choices. In fact, I honestly think that Kris took way more of a risk than all of them combined by singing the song straight. No tinkerings, just letting his vocals and his amazing knack for connecting with the song via his phrasing and his interpretation shine. And because of that? He was the second best of the night for me.

2. I only liked Kris, Adam and Allison. Even with Allison, though, I felt it was a tad more of the same. She did display more tenderness and vulnerability tonight which was refreshing, and once again, I haven't the slightest clue what the fuck Simon smoked today. I don't know.

3. Again, Simon is on crack. Matt was brilliant? I'm sorry, WHAT? I didn't understand 80% of what he was singing. It was partly the song - I've heard My Funny Valentine on Idol numerous times but until now, I still have no idea what it sounds like. But Matt? Matt didn't make it any easier for me to understand the melody. He was all over the place, he was one hot mess, and Simon called it "brilliant". You have GOT to be shitting me, and I say this as someone who doesn't even dislike Matt. I'd rather keep him over Danny, and sometimes I'd even rather keep him over Allison. He was just awful this week, and Simon sucks ass for praising crap.

4. The most offensive? The incessant, unabashed, unapologetic, and blatant favouritism shown to Danny Gokey. I read the positive reviews of his performance online and I honestly watched the episode with an open mind. I honestly put aside all my hatred for him and tried to listen out for the brilliance that was apparently his performance. I tried, hell I tried so damn valiantly, and he got me in the first ten seconds...but after that, he lost me. Completely. Once again, no idea what the fuck he was singing, and towards the end he bulldozed through the song. He was screaming, he still looked smarmy even in a suit, and I honestly, HONESTLY don't see what the hell was so good about it. None of it was memorable, except the screaming, but that was more Memorably Bad than anything. And Simon praised that?

Simon, I so divorce you after tonight. What the fuck are you on? The top 3 this week are clearly Adam, Kris and Allison, in that order, followed by Danny and Matt. In what universe was Matt's incoherent and unintelligible performance any more gutsy or worthy of winning than Kris'? In what alternate universe does Danny possess more swagger than Kris? Do you just think Kris has no swagger because he's short? Because, what the hell, he's never displayed so much confidence on stage without his guitar/keyboards. Ever.

And Randy's shit about how Danny can put out a record filled with rat pack-esque songs? Perhaps he's right, but who's gonna buy it? There's a good reason why songs like that have gone out of style. No disrespect to that genre of music and the greats that sang it, but the truth is, it's just no longer in fashion. If that shows how dated and not-current Gokey is, then, yes, I totally agree, but I still maintain that there is nothing commercially-appealing about Gokey at all. Maybe he can make it in Contemporary Christian Music but I wouldn't know; I don't listen to that genre and I wouldn't know if that genre is receptive to douchebags.

SO ANNOYED TONIGHT. SO DAMN ANNOYED. And I just love Kris more than ever. I even feel indignant for Allison, and for the love of gosh, can Matt just leave already. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. Danny isn't going to leave this week, sadly, so...Matt, it's your time. It's been your time twice already; this time, you really have to go.

I've never liked Jamie Foxx as much as I like him today. He had nice things to say about everyone, as all the show's mentors do, but he was visibly genuinely excited and into...Kris. And only Kris. I never put much stock on the things they say about wanting to make a record with the contestants 'cause it's usually just talk, but the fact that he said that about Kris? I'll take that as something, thanks. And he was right about Kris, too. So was Kara tonight. Randy, well, I've written him off as irrelevant many seasons ago so he can say the nicest things about Kris and I STILL wouldn't care.

I hate this show. I really do. And yet, I still keep watching because I love it almost as much as I hate it. I can't even explain that right now so yeah, won't bother trying.

It's just...KRIS. Oh, Kris. Why did you have to be brilliant and pull me back into this? I was ready to be done after David was crowned last season, but you. YOU! My sweet, adorable, brilliant Pocket Idol. Oh, how I love thee.

And how sad I'd be if he really left this week.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010