(Rome 2009) Fuck.
written: 10:20 p.m. on Saturday, May. 02, 2009

I AM SO DAMN PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW.

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OMG, I read on RF.com that he just broke for a 3-1 lead, and I raised my fists in victory and went, "YES!" - AT MY FREAKING LAPTOP.

My brain needs to be checked.

The ONLY thing that'd make me feel better about not being able to watch this match DESPITE PAYING FOR THE FUCKING SUBSCRIPTION is, obviously, a Federer victory.

HOLD ROGER HOLD! CONSOLIDATE THE DAMN BREAK AND COME BACK FROM YOUR SECOND-SET WALKABOUT!!!!!

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NO WAY. BROKEN BACK AT LOVE.

THIS IS SHIT.

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All I can think of right now?

COME ON ROGER. YOU'VE GOT THIS. FINISH THIS!

I seriously blame the rain for this debacle.

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The saddest part? I totally saw this coming, hence the nervousness at the rain, hence the inability to relax even when he was leading.

Oh Roger. Why?

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Some idiot said "And novak take it" when Roger was facing BREAK POINT and I thought Roger got broken but no, he SAVED it. That idiot is an ASS. My heart is about to collapse; I don't need unnecessary heart attacks!

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Fuck, just got broken.

This match is over. He should've won this. He was cruising until the damn rain delay and I CANNOT believe he let the rain break his concentration.

THIS ISN'T THE ROGER FEDERER THAT WON 13 GRAND SLAMS. DAMMIT.

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I cannot believe this. It's Indian Wells and Miami all over again, and I thought this time it might be different because he was playing so well in the previous two matches, and he was playing so well until it started to rain. Djoke had NO break points in the first set, and after the rain delay, Roger suddenly started gifting him breaks? Seriously, it's not a matter of Djoke playing better; it's a matter of Roger giving it away. AGAIN. What the hell is going on? I'm so upset.

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Great. He lost.

Fuck this shit. Worst part? I don't even get to see it. WHAT THE FUCK. Supersports, Starhub, SOMEONE is going to get my wrath.

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You know, for a minute there I thought his losses won't affect me anymore. But judging by my bad mood right now, I was clearly wrong. Monte-Carlo was okay because he didn't even plan on playing it; but he practiced for Rome. He played DAMN well coming into the semi, played DAMN well for a set and three games, was up a break in the last two sets, but still lost. THAT affects me, because he could've won. I'm sure he knows this, and all his fans know it, and anyone with eyes know it, too. He's GIFTING these damn wins to his opponents - that's the thing that kills me most.

I don't even know anymore. Yet another loss to Djokovic when Djokovic was about to fold. This...

I'm super upset. I saw this coming, and yet I hoped like mad it wouldn't happen. But it did, and I'm still going to continue waiting for him to REALLY come back, because I still believe he will. If that doesn't make me fucking stupid, I don't know what does.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010