In a really bad mood.
written: 10:30 p.m. on Tuesday, Jun. 09, 2009

More egregiously, I laughed till my stomach hurt when I saw this: "air apparent".

How, how are these talentless hacks paid to write? How are they paid to write? How can the editors let such a stupid, egregious mistake escape their attention?

Fucking lousy useless newspaper.

**

I am really super irritated and in a super bad mood tonight. Yep. Maybe I'm PMSing.

Too lazy and can't be bothered to talk about inconsequential shit. It's really hot.

And you know, something is really wrong when your mother seems to think it wise for you to take career advice from some random saleswoman at Tangs. I mean, seriously. Seriously. Am I to apologise for my qualifications? Am I to apologise for having options? I'm sorry I'm smart, I guess. Oops, my bad. Next time I'll be sure to tell my parents to go back in time and give birth to a retard.

It's not the thing that matters; it's what you make of the thing. And the more people tell me I live a comfortable life and have nothing to complain about, the more irritated I get - especially when the said individuals actually understand why I complain about the things I complain about. If you don't get it, then it's too bad and I wouldn't bother wasting my time talking to you; but if you actually get it? It just makes things worse. Like all of a sudden you switch off the empathy for reasons unknown to me (I guess I'm not that smart; I can't begin to hazard a guess), and invariably make me feel guilty about complaining.

But like I said - am I really supposed to apologise for, first, working my ass off to get where I am today, and second, having actual passion that does not involve money? It's not my fault that not everyone can have my life, and I don't see why I should feel thankful just because there are people worse off. It's not that I don't; it's just that it's ridiculous to play that card and expect me to buy that bullshit when the fluffy, empty line that parents always pull on children who don't finish their food - "think of the starving children in Africa!" (because Africa is one huge country, and because all the children in "Africa" starve, the same way all homosexuals have AIDS) - is automatically ruled retarded by anyone with half an analytical brain.

But then, maybe I just have things too easy. Maybe if I had to fight for something for once, I wouldn't be complaining so much. Think of my brother, right? Think of the poor souls who do not even have a university degree. Think of those who couldn't even graduate JC. Think of the graduates who can't find a job. Think of all these people worse off than you, just to make yourself feel better. Why not try this for once: Stop lying to yourself.

At the end of the day, everything is relative, and the thing that you have is only what you make of it. Maybe this would get better, maybe it wouldn't, and the hope, obviously, is for it to get better. But till then, I will bitch and moan and feel depressed as much as I want, because I went through law school without quitting no matter how much I wanted to (even if some of it boiled down to fear), and I will make it through the next few years without quitting, no matter how much I feel like it sometimes. And please don't tell me it's my choice, please don't tell me I have nothing to complain about if I made the decision and went into this with my eyes open - because I have earned my right to complain. Graduating law school with a second upper? I mean, seriously. Who would've thought? Who would've thought? Please take the time to peruse my entries from 2005 to 2006 (especially 2005) and tell me if those entries were written by a person who enjoyed law school, or even expected to get anything more than the bare minimum. If this makes me a spoiled brat, well, all I can say is, I never refuted that. At least I'm self-aware.

I was really annoyed with my mom this morning when she mentioned that saleswoman from Tangs and what she said the day I went shopping for work clothes and bitched to no ends about it, something along the lines of, "What else is she gonna do if not work?" I don't even know what to say to that, because the sheer mindlessness and stupidity of it boggle my mind.

This entry is only depressing me further, so I'm going to post it, shower, and sleep. What a waste of my time.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010