A very bad day.
written: 1:13 a.m. on Saturday, Aug. 15, 2009
You know it's a bad day when you're met with your second minor driving mishap since the first one a year and a half ago. I drove to 7-11 (which is like at the road next to mine) to buy fresh milk for my coffee, and I was already in a bad mood, and when I'm in a bad mood I drive even more recklessly than ever. To make things worse, I was wearing my glasses. It was my second time ever driving with my glasses on, and I swear, it makes a world of difference. My judgment was slightly off, and going out in my glasses actually makes me slightly giddy 'cause I'm not used to it.
Reckless driving + compromised vision = me driving quite hard into a curb. Hard and fast. The left front wheel attempted to run up the curb, but couldn't because the angle wasn't acute enough. I felt the impact and heard the sickening screech of the tyre, and genuinely felt a bit rattled.
Thankfully the tyre wasn't punctured; otherwise, I would've gotten into quite a bit of trouble.
And honestly? Ever since that time I scraped off the side stick of the car, I'd never gotten into ANY sort of driving mishaps ever again. NEVER. Until today. Or should I say, yesterday, Friday. Whatever.
I felt super angsty the whole day. Waking up at 7 to watch tennis, after staying up until 3 to watch tennis, meant that I was dying in Professional Responsibility, which was a lecture I didn't even want to attend in the first place, but had to 'cause it was compulsory. To make things worse, I sat next to someone I didn't exactly want to sit next to. And I was falling asleep in the lecture.
I came home immediately after that, took care of my city, then slept for two hours. I woke up and the whole Edu-Dine business put me in a horrendous mood. City Hall in the first place isn't exactly very near my house, and I abandoned the thought of driving after the curb incident (I also superstitiously thought that I shouldn't drive 'cause it was a bad day and I didn't wanna risk dying in a car accident, or worse, killing someone) which left me with my favourite Mass Rapid Transit.
So fucking rapid. 40 minutes to get there. FORTY MINUTES OF MY PRECIOUS LIFE I'D NEVER GET BACK.
I don't know. I was just really irritated. And the truth is, a part of me was cranky from being unable to see Tong (wanted to go out with him before Edu-Dine but I ended up sleeping), and after that passed and when I was at the hotel, I couldn't help but think how this is a sign of things to come. Obligations, putting your obligations before your own life, shafting your social life and the people you care about for obligations you DON'T care about, at least not even nearly as much, being stuck somewhere trying to put on an appearance when you really don't want to, and waiting endlessly for the big shots to leave first because it's social decorum.
It's just going to get worse. As the dinner dragged on with the ridiculous 7 or 8 course Chinese dinner, all I could think of was how I would've much rather have been somewhere else, with Tong; but I couldn't because I had to be there. And this profession doesn't really care about your personal life.
To make matters worse, the speech by M!ch@el Hw@ng was so brilliant, it depressed me even more. What he said was absolutely spot-on, about the apathy of Singaporeans, of Singaporean lawyers, and as a consequent, the lack of independence of the Singapore bar. Not in relation to the government, but in relation to society in general. Society at large, notions of justice and right and wrong which are so lost in the mindless corporate rat race and commercial interests that seem to oil the machine that keeps the legal profession running. I'm impressed that someone is saying something; but I'm also depressed because he's absolutely right. My own experience in June is testament to the inherent truth of his speech.
It's utterly depressing, especially for someone like me who holds on tightly and stubbornly to her ideals. I'm simply not someone driven by money, and if I don't see a point in what I do, if I can't find meaning in it, then I'd be the unhappiest person alive, and no amount of money is able to turn that around. And the saddest part is, fundamentally I still believe that law and justice are the same thing, that lawyers are respected not because of what they know, but because of how they apply it. Lawyers have a duty to the general public, to those less educated, and when MH said that in his years of commercial practice, he never took a stand on what was right or wrong, that he was just a "hired gun" to advance his client's interests, he summed up the legal profession.
I don't know. Oh well. Too bad?
*
On the bright side, seeing Tong cheered me up. Though not immediately, it ultimately did.
I'm extremely PMS-y. Period's 100% starting tomorrow and yeah, the mood swings, the hormones, oh my god. I was so irritated en route to City Hall in the evening that I almost cried. When Tong said he's too busy tomorrow to go out I also almost cried.
BLEAH. Something is clearly wrong with me.
At least Andy defeated Verdasco and Roger defeated Wawrinka. After Andy lost the second set, I decided it was time for bed. Very happy to find out he won in the end; I thought he was gonna lose it.
Roger played okay. He apparently employed an interesting strategy of hitting to Wawrinka's backhand, which is his stronger wing, and absolutely demolishing it. I swear, Wawrinka missed so many shots off that wing and made so many forehand winners, it's as if his backhand is his weaker side. The commentators went on about how Roger was undermining Stan's confidence, blah blah.
Very interesting. I love tennis.
Going to sleep, I think.
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010