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[Expletive deleted] Religion
written: 3:27 p.m. on Sunday, Sept. 27, 2009

The reason I said many times before that I'd never date a Christian guy is because I don't want to go to church. I don't want to change myself fundamentally for another person; I'm not comfortable with Christianity and therefore with the idea of going to church; and my decisive non-Christianity is fundamental to who I am. Many people have asked me to go to church and I've told all of them no. I've been to church maybe twice my whole life - once in primary school for a teacher's wedding, and once more two years ago with Mag, when she needed someone to keep her company, after she spent the whole day with me when I was upset over some stupid ex-boyfriend.

I don't go to church. Ever. As a general rule I wouldn't go to church for anyone, for whatever reason; and so if I tell you I'm willing to consider going for you, and you can't appreciate that, then it upsets me.

When you say 'go to church', I assume you mean a full session. Actually being inside for an extended period of time, not merely zipping in and out, and not just hanging outside waiting for it to end. If I tell you that I'm willing to consider doing this for you, and you can't appreciate it, and you don't think it's good enough, don't be surprised when I'm annoyed at your lack of a response, your utter unwillingness to talk about it, your telling me there's no point.

Just so you know, I've never, ever even entertained the thought of attending church for a guy. The fact that I'm willing to consider doing it is a great testament to how much I love you. I'm sorry I can't just jump right in and say "okay I'll do it" because it's a bit much. I hope you understand that. I hope you appreciate this. Because your fighting words are not making it any easier, and you choosing to be hung up on semantics, and consequently an misconceived notion that I was talking shit at you (I wasn't), completely misses the point.

The point is this: I love you. If I didn't, I would've just told you 'no'. And it hurts like hell that you can't see that.

*

ETA at 5.27 p.m.:

Reading this blog and crying.

What a great Sunday.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010