Mush Plush.
written: 11:34 p.m. on Sunday, Oct. 18, 2009

Two things first:

1. I'm soooo happy Nikolay Davydenko won the Shanghai Masters. He played out of his mind and he totally deserved the win. I thought his SF with Djoke was a hell lot more exciting than the F with Nadal, because the Djoke match was two attacking players playing aggressively, whereas the Nadal match was Davy playing attacking tennis and Nadal doing his usual baseline defence crap.

I'm sorry to say this (especially since my boyfriend supports Nadal) but: NADAL. IS. SO. BORING. Can he try to hit a winner more frequently than twice in a set? No doubt he has great defensive skills, but I don't like tennis when it's about who's more able to bludgeon the ball to death, or who's able to keep the ball in play longer. Davy went for his shots which totally made the match for me, and his efforts obviously paid off. Nadal spent 93% of the match way behind the baseline, defending his ass off, and I don't understand why because it's not like he doesn't have a lethal topspin forehand. Maybe he's less confident post-injury, but then, he's always been defensive (as far as I know, at least). He's always hanging out at the baseline. There's nothing wrong per se with putting balls back in play; in fact, that's what you're supposed to do. But when every rally with him is about staying alive and not going for the kill, the match gets incredibly boring to watch.

Davy, though, really played amazing today. Really freaking amazing. If your attacking game plan is clicking, you will always beat a perfect defensive game. Davy proved that today with the victory over Nadal. The way he was going for his shots was just out of this world, and his backhand up/down (I'm not sure which) the line is just...omg.

(An aside: When Davy hit another up/down the line BH winner, the commentator said something about how Roger Federer would give up all his prize money to hit that shot and it'd make it easier for him to beat Nadal. I'm all, HELLO ROGER AND DAVY DON'T EVEN USE THE SAME FUCKING BACKHAND YOU RETARD.)

So yay for Davy! I guess he's going to London for the ATP World Tour Finals, otherwise known as WTF (brilliant, ATP. Utterly brilliant). I can't wait for that, to be honest. The world's top 8 competing for the trophy - THAT IS AWESOME.

2. This is gonna sound stupid, but I promise it's not: I love The Vampire Diaries. I know, what a stupid name, and omg it's a teen show on the CW?!

But it's SO DAMN GOOD. I was all, "Ehhh this is stupid but I'll keep watching since I D/Led the first four episodes and I have nothing better to do and Iam Somerhalder is so hot" after the pilot, but from the third episode onwards, I was genuinely hooked. It has an actual PLOT, the characters have actual MOTIVATIONS, the lead actress DOESN'T ANNOY ME, and the leading romantic story is actually BELIEVABLE. And I love the dynamics between the good vampire brother and the evil vampire brother. I love Ian Somerhalder and how he plays the hell out of his character. I thought I wouldn't see him as anything more than Boone from Lost trying to play a vampire, but I was so wrong. He is so good. He has amazing chemistry with everyone. And he's amazing opposite the guy that plays his brother (Paul Wesley or something).

I LOVE THIS SHOW AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT EPISODE. WHY IS IT ON THE CW. WHY WHY WHY.

That said, no other vampire TV show can ever come close to the greatness and awesomeness that was, and still is, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Buffy is unreachable in terms of quality TV. It is in a league of its own. It is unassailable.

I wanna re-watch my DVDs.

*

On another note:

I want to remember what is important and precious. I want to stop getting hung up on small things, on the details, on the choice of words. I want to hold him at 3 in the morning because he's having trouble sleeping, then I want to wake up next to him. I want to let go, I want to be more understanding, I want to stop getting upset with him when he can't meet me. I want to remember that he's always trying even when it seems like he's not. I want to tell him "it's okay" and mean it every single time. I want to hold his hand in front of the whole world and kiss him until we melt into each other. I want him to tell me only the things that are real. I want him to never give up on us, no matter how hard it seems at times, even when I'm being a bitch. I want to stop being a bitch. I want to go to Russia with him. I want to see the world with him. I want to hold his hand when he's sick, I want to wait with him to see the doctor, I want not to feel annoyed or sad when he cancels a date because he's tired. I want to be more understanding. I want to know him, every inch of him, everything that makes him tick, the contours of his heart. I want to have him, I want to never lose him, I want him with every inch of my being; I want him so much it hurts, sometimes. I want him to let me in. I want to let him in. I want to stop being afraid. I want him to hold me and kiss my tears away when I'm sad, I want him to want to see me, I want him to hold me and tell me he loves me when he's breaking my heart with inconceivable notions of giving us up. I want him to know that I love him and need him not out of habit but because I love him. I want him to know that if he were anyone else, we wouldn't be together now. I want him to never think that I'd be better off without him, because the truth is, I can't breathe without him. I want him to forgive my past. I want to forgive his. I want to remember his quirks, his favourite food, his favourite places, his favourite music. I want to remember that he's my boyfriend; that he chose me when he could have had anyone he wanted; that I chose him when I didn't want anyone at all; that we're together when neither of us wanted a relationship; that I love him when I thought I could never love anyone again.

I want to remember what is important and precious. I want to stop harping on the small things. I want to be more understanding.

I want to be better for him.
I want to be with him.
I want him.

I love him.

before sunrise // before sunset


Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010