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See, I don't understand how we got here. First you were all, "I think we should consider breaking up", you weren't answering any of my calls, and then I was over at your place, waiting downstairs for you for like half an hour when I was sick and I hadn't had lunch, and then I was in your room and you were cuddling me. That was good. That was more than good. I think, though, that somewhere between me making the decision to go to your place and being there I expected us to at least talk about something.
We cuddled and made out and then I went home and you went to school.
Can't help but wonder if you're still with me because you didn't have time to break up with me.
See, I don't want to be a doormat the way I was with Asshole. I had uncomfortable shades of that yesterday when I was sitting downstairs at your place, waiting waiting waiting. I went over because I was desperate not to lose you. You said you wanted to consider breaking up, then you didn't answer any of my calls, didn't even text me; only texted me when I'd already reached your place. I was desperate not to lose you, and in that desperation I didn't care how I treated myself.
That is fine if it amounted to something. That is fine if you'd finally seen what it is that I've been unhappy about.
But you don't see it. You say I'm souring things again by asking you to do something nice for me to make me happy, and it's not a big demand. You don't see how fucking hurt I was between getting your text message and you finally coming downstairs to get me yesterday. You don't see how much it hurt to call you over and over and get no response, to call you over and over just to have you cancel my call and turn off your phone. Were you so busy that you couldn't even spare one minute to answer and tell me that you'd talk to me later?
You say I keep souring things, possibly on the presumption that things have been fixed. But we haven't talked about anything. We haven't talked about anything at all. I was in your room and we didn't talk at all. Things have not been fixed, we are still at odds over the same issue, and if you don't think that both of us have valid points - i.e. my point of view is as valid as yours - then I have to question if you really want to be with me - especially after your last text message.
If you think I'm expecting too much, just tell me and tell me why. Because from where I'm standing I honestly do not see what was so hugely objectionable about asking for a Kit-Kat Chunky that it seriously warranted your reply of "No stop demanding things from me fuck."
I don't understand. You have to talk to me. But you never want to talk. If you don't tell me, how am I ever going to understand?
ON A HAPPIER NOTE, ANDY MURRAY LOST TO RADEK STEPANEK AND I GOT TO SEE IT. YESSSSSSSSSSSSS.
I hope Tsonga beats Nadal later. Nadal cannot get the year-end #1. It belongs to ROGER.
My folks are going to Beijing tonight and I soooo wish I were going with them too.
Fuck stupid bar exams. ARGH.