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Cry and River.
written: 11:36 p.m. on Monday, Mar. 22, 2010

I'm tired of being mute. Mute in the office, mute outside of the office, mute after work, mute around friends. Suddenly I've lost my voice from too much screaming, incoherent shrieks and wails that don't form a single word. There's not much left when the words are gone.

I'm quite honestly so tired of all this. I'm so tired of lawyers, of the legal profession, of the work, of the mundane routine day in, day out; of the lack of principles, most of all. No way in hell would I be able to see it from a realistic, pragmatic point of view, and so I conclude, once more, I'm in the wrong place. Should've been clear from the start, before moratorium; I should've known better.

Always the same tired refrain. I'm so sick of lawyers that I'm even sick of my own friends. I'm sick of hearing about the same things over and over, of talking about work work work fucking work, about retention. My level of interest has plummeted beyond zero.

It's about how the Path is so immaculately laid out for you, such that it cons you into thinking you have to take it or deviate at your own risk; it steals your ability to think away from you, and every day you put one foot in front of the other and drag yourself down the same road that so many others have trodden, most of whom have fallen, some of whom don't live to tell the tale. There's a cautionary tale in all this, but you don't listen, because everyone else doesn't listen.

I genuinely felt sad today when Wei Chuen was talking about a hotel not incorporating its logo in its name and all I could think of was "incorporation of a company". As if I even give the slightest shit about that junk.

Next time, I'd know better than to start off a Monday relatively cheery (i.e. not tears-streaming-down-face depressed). Because, sooner or later, by the very virtue of the fact that it's a fucking Monday, and oh look, Tuesday isn't going to get any better, everything is going to turn to shit.

I'm sick and tired of everything - above all else, sick and tired of how truly deeply unhappy I am.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010