joaquin phoenix: an essay
written: 5:59 p.m. on Tuesday, Mar. 19, 2002
I swear, I can sit at the computer and stare at him the entire day until my eyes pop and start to tear, and I wouldn't even care. He has this kind of rarity about him that I really take to, and I'm not talking about just looks. Joaquin is truly beautiful, both inside and out. I have read a trillion articles about him and on him, and as talented an actor as he is, I highly doubt all that I've read are nothing more than a crock of shit. And I don't know, I just read this quote ("That kind of fame � I coudn't have it in my life. I love that we can sit on the lawn in Central Park and I'm just one of the millions. I don't want to lose that. I'm trying to figure out the perfect strategy. And it's tough. I just want to be right in the middle."), and I just went, "Damn, I really care about this man."
'Cause I REALLY BLOODY DO. And it's no longer in a "I wanna get with him" kind of way. I mean, of course I still want to, but I've always have such tremendous respect for him and his work, because truth be told, he is really an extremely talented and gifted actor, and that respect has somehow being intensified. He is a wonderful individual. He is so pure and so sincere, so genuine, and you know he sincerely believes in his vegan ideals. And some of the things he's said about his River's death (""To me, it's a crime to sneak in and take a picture of someone dead in their...It's a crime and if I ever found out who did that, I'd probably end up in prison. Because I'd beat the living shit out of them.") makes you want to embrace him and hold him close to you and whisper comforting words in his ears, like how you would to a wounded 5-year-old, and slowly kiss his tears away.
Not since silverchair have I felt such admiration and respect and I guess love towards a famous personality. I don't really subscribe to the whole glam bullshit, and the only fascinating thing about it is how people are so entranced by celebrities. silverchair don't carry themselves as celebrities, and neither does Joaquin. He seems to be completely down-to-earth and level-minded. I have read fans' encounters with him, and he doesn't seem to think he's god's gift to humanity or stupid, egoistic things like that. I'm probably delusional, but I'd like to think otherwise, because I really think Joaquin is who I think he is. I can't be that far off, 'cause it's not just me.
If I ever get the chance to meet him, I think I would die a happy virgin. Seriously. Knowing myself though, I'd probably ruining it by screaming really loud and gaping at him like he's some alien from Mars or something. But I'd be in New York after I turn 18, if all goes well for me, and since he lives in New York, I'd be considerably more mature(d) and wise than I am right now. A good thing, mind you. Truth be told, I'd be contented to simply converse with him and be his friend, because I think I would learn so much from him. Let's forget about the whole "I wanna marry him" bullshit, 'cause it ain't gonna happen in this lifetime or the next, or any lifetimes for that matter. I'm not that delusional. But I was reading what he's said about River, and this huge lump just formed in my throat. I can still feel it, even though it has taken leave.
I don't suppose anyone would 1) be interested, and 2) understand, unless you're a Joaquin fan and see him the way that I do. But hey. My diary, not yours. I'm the writer, not you, so shove it up your arse. :)
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010