when buildings collapse
written: 7:34 p.m. on Tuesday, Aug. 13, 2002

It was a defining moment, because it has been ages since I last shed tears over something school-related. But then, I truly could not help it. Try pinning your hopes on something great, but to have it shattered in the end. It is not a nice feeling. One simply has to let it out.

I know, I know, I got an A2, very good, etc, it could've been much worse, etc, but they don't understand that this is much worse. Although I do relish in the fact that only 23% of the candidates who took the exam in the whole country scored distinctions (As) and I'm one of them, it doesn't matter much because a two has an extra one in it, and I don't need that one. I don't want it.

But what can I do, right?

So the question is: Should I re-take the shit, or should I not? On the one hand, the probability of me getting an A1 is half, and I'm quite certain I'd kick myself in the butt real hard if I pass up on a second chance.

On the other hand, I have like, 4 other subjects, excluding English and English Literature, to worry about, and I suck at those 4 subjects. To cram for Chinese again would take up a lot of time, time that could be used to attempt to somehow perfect my flaws. Or whatever.

I really don't know. I think I'll just sleep on it. Or something.

I wrote a diary entry in class while feeling like the world has just ended, but I can't be bothered to transfer it here. Besides, I have got over it, more or less.

One thing that really pisses me off is how 17 people in my class got an A1, and I'm not one of them. Among the 17, a few can't even speak Mandarin fluently.

Life is unfair, it truly is. Like, fuck, I crammed two weeks before and still can't get what I want. It just sucks, man, just sucks.

I have a slight fever which is good because I'm in no mood to do anything right now. Certainly don't feel like going to school tomorrow. I have the English oral exam on Friday so I can't fall sick.

Going by that argument, I should most definitely stay home. Let's hope my folks would buy that.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010