it's been raining fire far too long
written: 4:57 p.m. on Monday, Apr. 01, 2002

25.5/40 for the Biology test I did not do. I don't even feel anything. No happiness, no pride, no sense of achievement, not even guilt, nothing. I don't even care. Two people failed, one of them being this honest girl who works very hard. I was just looking at her in class, and I just don't get why it is that there are people who can stay so true to themselves, and people who try so hard but fail so terribly.

It doesn't take another Einstein to figure out which group of people I belong to.

I remember I had a dream on September 11 last year, which would be on the early morning of September 12. My school was attacked by some sort of an earthquake...that, or a bombing. I was on the 3rd floor with my friends, and the entire building was falling apart. Debris were everywhere, and the whole place was raining rubble. Imagine a thunderstorm, and replace rain with debris, and you will get the picture. It was bad to the extent that I could taste the broken pieces of walls and ceiling in my mouth. I can only imagine what it was like for the people in the buildings.

Pearl's MD player got confiscated by our form teacher today. We went to the library during assembly time, and we were supposed to read Chinese books. I cannot remember the last time I read a Chinese book on my own accord, so I wasn't too surprised when I found I could not read even one paragraph. Not that I can't read Chinese words. I can, of course. I'm just not fond of reading it. I don't know why, but this isn't about me. Teacher did not give it back to her; she told her to get her mom to take it back. During recess I followed Pearl to the staff room where she tried to get it back again. Teacher was firm about wanting P to ask her mom to go to school and get it back. Reason being? P wasn't reading in the library. She was supposed to, but didn't, and in the end everyone just started talking rubbish. P was visibly upset, and she cried in class.

I tried to be a good friend. I did, honestly. I am just constantly at a loss. She was crying, and I tried to be comforting, but all I succeeded in doing was making myself feel lame. I didn't even know what to do. I know from my own experiences that it disappoints and pisses me off greatly to have everyone acting like I'm the plague when I'm upset, so I tried not to run away. I don't think I made that much of a difference.

Title from: "Rain" by Daniel Johns and Paul Mac.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010