funny stuff. in my opinion anyway.
written: 7:18 p.m. on Monday, Oct. 25, 2004
In other words: I LOST THE WHOLE BLOODY ENTRY. AND I'M REALLY MAD ABOUT IT BECAUSE IT WAS QUITE WELL-WRITTEN TOO.
Have I ever mentioned how much I hate it, absolutely HATE IT, when shit like that happens? Well, I hate it a whole damn lot. It sucks. It's the worst thing ever, right next to doing continuous random variables and integrating the same equation ten million times.
Right. I don't have much time so this entry would merely be half the entry that it's supposed to be. ARGH FUCKING STUPID COMPUTER! I don't even know what the hell it was that I pressed!
So anyway, after a million years I finally got my result slip. I went to the office on Wednesday and asked for it; wasn't ready. I went to the office on Friday and asked for it; couldn't find mine amongst my class's stack. Apparently they had to reprint it, for some reason or other. Maybe my civics tutor wanted to add a remark or something. It can't be for the staggering amount of absented days since my attendance is apparently 159/163.
Anyway, my point is, I don't really want to keep the thing. I just want to look at it, because it is, obviously, my right to look at my result slip. Just one look at it, and the school can keep it for as long as it desires. I mean, what's the logic behind adding another piece of paper to my perpetually tornado-hit room and messing things up?
I tried to scan it in but there was something wrong with the stupid software so I aborted the operation.
(Yes, I hate it when I go off in pretentiously bad English too.)
So I'm just going to post it here manually, just so people would know what I'm talking about. And yes, that could very well have been an excuse to show off. Whatever.
Mathematics - 50% E 40th percentile
Economics - 68% B 97th percentile
English Lit - 68% B 100th percentile
History - 70% A 100th percentile
General Paper - 81% A1 100th percentile
Chinese - 70% A2 68th percentile
Conduct: Excellent
Remarks: [Yelen] has performed remarkably well. By emerging tops in the cohort for 3 subjects, she has demonstrated what intelligence, industry and linguistic flair can achieve.
To be honest, I don't know what is meant by 'industry' but it seems to be the root word of 'industrious' so I'll take it to mean hard-working or something.
So after moderation and the rest of it I got ABBE. That's one-third of Abbe de Coulmier, Joaquin Phoenix's character in "Quills". (Speaking of whom, I'm quite disappointed in the choice of 'Ladder 49'; it looks, frankly, stupid. I think he's sold out. Oh no.) Another permutation would be BABE, which was the first thing that came to mind when Mr. Girl was trying to permute the letters into an intelligible word.
Well, the guy got ACE so that's a much better foreshadowing than anything my alphabets can come up with.
Confession: This is weird. Strange. Alien. Unsettling, even. All my life I've been one of those people who hovered between the middle and the absolute bottom, looking up at the sky from the ground and wondering how it must feel to be up there. Now that I am up here, though it's not really that high up since I'm in JJC and hence have to put up with people from better schools stepping on my head, I haven't found the answer any more than I had back in secondary school.
Oh, I don't know. I went off quite a bit on this in the entry that never was, but I can't remember half of what I said. I also can't seem to formulate any more thoughts regarding this subject matter so I think I shall move on now.
But really, it's weird. I don't feel much like a "top student" at all, a phrase which I find corny as hell. "Top student" is so... top student-ish. It's so... yeah.
And,yes, ladies and gentlemen: the above is a clear example of Yelen's stunning coherence.
Okay, moving on for real now. I was digging around the drawers in which I keep my diaries and I dug out something really hilarious. This may offend people, but only if you're anal retentive and bloody annoying, in which case wouldn't be my fault so I'm not even going to bother with a disclaimer.
I wrote this on the 8th of May, 2000:
"ideal date: ok it would be... I don't know, Daniel [Johns, of Silverchair] maybe. But if you want the DESCRIPTION. Someone with integrity and doesn't lie to make himself look good, someone who isn't a Christian or whatever, someone whom I can trust."
The flawed grammar is kept intact because I am too lazy to correct it.
Seriously, some things never change. I have to admit: the atheism thing was started in Sec. 2 (the year 2000, for those not in Singapore) partly as an attempt to rebel against the establishment, but it might as well have been a launching pad for my many metamorphoses (?) to be made manifest. (Okay, that's pretentiously bad English at its very worst; I apologise.)
No, seriously, I think that the year 2000 was a very definitive year for me. A lot of things happened, both within and without, that played such an integral role in shaping who I am today that I would be very different even if one part were missing from the larger whole. Still, that year wasn't very fun for me; marked the beginning of my academic suicide. Four years of self-annihilation, and I have finally decided to stop it. It's about time.
But the thing that I found hilarious was the 'someone who isn't a Christian bit'. It's a huge irony, considering the crucial fact that I am currently very besotted with one, and I have been so since February this year. It's not that I don't like Christians, obviously; I don't have a problem with them as long as they don't enforce their beliefs upon me, the same way I refuse to talk about religion in a daily conversation because it's just going to make other people uncomfortable, myself include. It's just that, you know, you have to be practical. I don't want to get involved with someone religious because it's going to be a very contentious point of divergence between me and the other person. I'm strictly atheist and I won't compromise my beliefs for anyone, not even him. So it's pretty funny that the last relationship I was in was with a Catholic person. Yeah, I know; I crack myself up too.
Still, I think the 14-year-old me would've understood this current infatuation though, to some degree. Like I said before, some things never change. I have always been attracted to that rare exquisite breed of the members of the opposite sex who wield a pen as if it were a paintbrush, painting beautiful pictures with words that leave you dissatisfied because it ends too soon, too quickly. Even though I was attracted to the starving, tortured artist type way back then, it doesn't really matter because the point of intersection still exists.
This is quite embarrassing but whatever. When I was 14 I had a thing for this dude whom I saw twice on the MRT. Never saw him again after that, but I continued to think about him for a few weeks after the last I saw him anyway. The point is, I vaguely remember how he looks like. He had the whole drug addict thing going on: the matted long black hair, the faded black T-shirt, and most importantly, the pale skin.
THE PALE SKIN. I love pale skin. I don't know why that is exactly, but I just do. There's something really amazing about pale skin, even more so if the guy has nice jet-black hair. It's just so nice and sexy, you know?
Well, you probably don't, but.
Anyway, back to the Christian thing. So yeah, I read that and I just started laughing. I just keep doing these amazingly braindead things and I really don't know why.
This current huge crush may be huge, but it's still, ultimately, a crush. And besides, I like him too darn much to spoil things by trying anything anyway. It's just an aberration, a distraction, something whose lifespan would end with my schooling life. That's all there is to it. I mean, today Mel was like, "You guys are so meant to be together", as a joke and all.
I was like, "I hope not; he's a Christian."
And now I'm like, that's like the funniest thing ever!
Okay, I have ceased to make sense. I have, in fact, completely ceased to make sense. This is what happens when you try to re-write an entry that was already good the way it was. Talk about festering lilies smelling far worse than weeds, and how the sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds.
I don't really like Othello but I have to say that those two lines I paraphrased up there could make me fall in love, permanently, with Shakespeare. They're such amazing lines, embodying such profound ideas within words so beautiful that they're excruciating.
I apologise if I'm gushing but it's really amazing. I should read Shakespeare's sonnets; at least they're shorter than his plays.
Uh, that was a joke. Yeah. You're supposed to laugh at it.
I remember that I wrote something along the lines of, "What's with the onslaught of Singlish overkill?" in parenthesis in the entry that I lost but I forgot in what context and for what purpose. Don't you hate it when that happens? I know I do.
I ate too much and now my stomach is all bloated and disgusting. It can, potentially, make breathing difficult. I am so going to lose weight after my dreaded exams.
Okay. I'm taking my GP paper next Thursday.
I am taking my GP paper next Thursday.
I am taking my GP paper next Thursday.
I am taking my GP paper next Thursday.
I am taking my GP paper next Thursday.
I am taking my GP paper next Thursday.
I AM TAKING MY GP PAPER NEXT THURSDAY.
Oh my god.
I'm gonna go freak out and die now.
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010