lost and found.
written: 3:34 p.m. on Tuesday, Jan. 30, 2007

Completely zonked out in Trusts today, which I suppose is pretty bad. Pub Law tutorial confused me, again. But people were actually talking today so it wasn't completely boring though it was still boring. I mean, yeah, I'm apathetic and I really don't care about anything but myself so there you go.

But the whole concept of Parliamentary Democracy and the lashing of the Party Whip happening simultaneously is really quite odd. Like I said though, I was totally confused 'cause I didn't even pretend to try to try my hardest to do my readings last night, but from whatever I half-absorbed in class, it seems like PEhP MPs are subject to the party whip and so they have to vote according to the party's interest in Parliament. Which is all well and good, except aren't MPs supposed to represent the people? Are you saying that we're voting for a political party and if we vote for them it means we agree with their manifesto and aims and whatever, hence suggesting that MPs are justified in protecting the interests of the party over the interests of their constituencies? If that's the case, then please, I'd give up my right to vote because it's completely fucking meaningless.

And why the hell do you bother being an MP if...oh wait, I'm being naive here: Because it pays damn well lah. Duh!

But then again, I don't know what 'parliamentary democracy' is. I really, really should do my readings, but in any case, my tutor said that he saw it as the average citizen of a country being represented by his elected leaders who put forward his interest in Parliament. Everyone has the right to debate freely in Parliament.

I don't know jack about the latter point, but the former point seems to me to be in conflict with the party whip thing. Like, you cannot abstain from voting on something on grounds that you don't agree with it because you'd be "reprimanded" by your political party for being "out of line". How the fuck does that remotely support or gel with or even pretend to collocate with being an elected leader that puts forward the interests of the person that elected you in Parliament? I don't know, but it seems like a huge crock of shit to me. At the end of everything it's all about the party's mandate; the people are just strung along for the heck of it.

Bleah. I'd much rather be apathetic, thank you very much. This module is terribly disturbing.

Also, I should admit that prior to the start of this semester, I had no idea whatsoever what a GRC was. Yep. Local politics ain't exactly my cup of tea. It's all the same shit anyway, the same conclusion. Every now and then you might catch a tiny ripple here and there but at the end of the day, everything remains the same. What a waste of time and energy and brain cells and emotions and rage and whatever.

Also talked about NMPs being "approved critics". I find the phrase "approved critics" fucking hilarious. It's just like Martha Cochrane's position in Pitco in Julian Barnes' England, England - Appointed Cynic.

I don't like the melting pot theory because I believe that differences should be acknowledged and respected in order for discrimination to be minimised, and at the same time the GRC thing and minority representation and whatever else don't go down too well with me either. I don't believe that my interests are only best represented by a Chinese MP, and I don't think the case should be that a Chinese MP only looks out for the interests of the Chinese population. It shouldn't matter what race you are; you should just...I don't know, not be colour blind, but...um, be aware of differences and act accordingly?

Nevermind, I've lost the plot.

Wait, who cares. I'm apathetic.

**

After not swimming for three whole weeks, I'm finally home in the late afternoon and it's not raining which means it's perfect swimming time. And I need to swim because my tummy is seriously grossing me out and I've been eating way too much fattening stuff lately for my liking. I just polished off four pieces of milk chocolate this afternoon, AND I had lunch immediately before Pub Law, which meant that I had lunch, then proceeded to sit on my butt for two hours straight. HOW DISGUSTING IS THAT.

Time to swim time to swim time to swim.

I'm feeling lazy but TIME TO SWIM.

**

The ability to look at things from a detached, rational point of view is a skill that everyone should possess. It comes in handy in times when one's seeking an answer, a solution, a conclusion. Of course, the catch is knowing how to put aside your emotions so that they can stop clogging up your judgement; but like everything else in life, sometimes you gotta give it time.

All things considered, at the heart of everything I'm still rather sensible. I'm not as naive or gullible as you'd like to think, I'm not in need of protecting, definitely not protection, and I've got my own back most of the time. It's tempting to throw yourself into gratuitous situations where the thrill of the experience lies in its cheapness; but something holds you back, still - a self-preserving arrogance that tells you that you're way too good for this; the tipping of the scales in favour of your rationality that tells you it's not worth it; and, quite simply, deep-seated laziness, pure and simple.

I don't believe in numbing the pain. I believe ripping off the Band-Aid, chopping off the throbbing thumb. Scabs need to be forcefully and decisively yanked off and then thrown away in order for you to heal. Simply put, I'm not the girl passed out in a random dark alley who's had too much to drink just because she can't deal with her problems, or the girl who stumbles into bed with a guy she's met thirty minutes ago and wakes up the next morning not knowing where she is. They wake up the next morning and all that they tried to escape from come crashing back into them and they're lost and bewildered once more, and what for? Just face it, deal with it, confront it, and move on. It's as simple as that.

**

People should really just be honest with each other. I don't know why we hide behind pretences and false politeness all the time.

**

Time to swim!

**

Edited to add at 5.41 p.m.:

Gah. Sporadic strong blasts of near-brittle cold wind + bloody cold water + fetish for pale white skin = a lousy 21 consecutive laps.

And my pool is abysmally small.

And I'm actually really fucking tired right now.

ARGH.

And my right arm's muscle is bigger than my left arm's. Oh my GOD I'm disgusting. Boo.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010