my bloody gum.
written: 10:34 p.m. on Friday, Jan. 04, 2008

Hours later, when I finally found the link to click on to check my subjects, I discovered, much to my devastation and wonder, that my bloody dream came true. Maybe my dream jinxed it. And I'm quite bummed that I can't do Intelligence Law because it was the only module that I really, really, really wanted to do. I still can't understand why it became over-subscribed, considering it's really rather useless (in relation to subjects like Corporate Governance, Insurance Law, Family Law, etc), but maybe it's the professor's popularity. BLEAH.

Oh well, at least it was replaced with Islamic Law. I think it was my first choice reserve. And I am quite happy to do it, so I hope all goes well this semester. All should go well actually, considering I have a grand total of one exam, and that is Chinese Legal Tradition and Legal Chinese. HAHAHAH. I'm quite excited about it actually; I think it's time I got back in touch with my own language. (I do have issues with China as a political entity because in all honesty, I identity so much more with Taiwan and of course everyone should know that I would die before I can ever consider Taiwan to be a part of China, but I suppose that doesn't really matter.) The downside? That exam is on May 8, WHICH IS INSANELY LATE. Argh! How terrible. This just goes to show that we can't ever have it all.

My other modules:
Comparative Criminal Law
Infocoms Law: Competition & Convergence (I really have no idea what this one is about; I only chose it because it's an intensive with a 100% paper and because I couldn't choose that Globalisation module)
International Law and Asia

I discovered, though, that for the first month of the semester, I'm going to have 6.30 p.m. to 9.30 p.m. classes every day. Islamic takes Mondays and Wednesdays and Infocoms takes the rest. OMG I'm going to bloody die, I'm going to have absolutely no life, and...argh, how tragic. I hate spending Friday evenings in school; it's super depressing. On the bright side, however, after February 11 I'm gonna have a three-day week! Hahahahaha. Totally awesome, no? I think it's totally awesome.

Anyway, I foresee myself losing some weight over the next few days because I just had a piece of my gum sliced off a few hours ago. In case anyone hasn't already noticed by now, I have - had - this very super disgustingly ugly black stain-like bruise on my gum, above my two front teeth. It's the first thing anyone sees when I smile, and it's been there for so long that I was getting quite self-conscious about it (that is, as self-conscious as I get nowadays anyway). Sometimes when I'm smiling I'd suddenly remember the bruise and I would wonder if the person I'm talking to noticed it or not. It was also very noticeable in pictures, especially close-ups of my face.

Therefore, I decided to get rid of it after my exams, but I kind of forgot to make an appointment with the gum guy until recently. And that recently...was Thursday. My mom and I went to see him on Thursday and while he was explaining the procedure to me, I found myself having second thoughts. Cutting off a piece of my gum sounded like the scariest thing ever, and I wasn't too crazy about the post-operation pain. On the other hand, it was a short procedure: 15 minutes at most, and that area would be completely anesthetized so I wouldn't feel a thing. Still, I'm not exactly the most pain-resilient person around and any mentions of surgery, or any sort of procedure that could potentially cost pain, freak the shit out of me.

Nevertheless, we fixed an appointment for 1.30 p.m. Saturday, just in case I don't end up changing my mind. It seemed like a good time, too: Enough time to mentally prepare myself, and enough time for it to heal before school starts. So all was fine and dandy, my mom and I went off for dinner at Din Tai Fung...and at about 7, when we were walking to the car, the receptionist at the dental clinic called and asked if I could do the operation on Friday, 5.30 p.m.

I said yes.

And maybe a part of me was scared, but mostly I thought I should be scared because it was strange that I wasn't that scared. In other words, I wasn't really scared at all. One of the few reasons I didn't want to remove it at first was because I was afraid of the surgery, and I almost didn't want to do it because I was half-afraid of the surgery. Even if the procedure wasn't going to hurt, the injection was, and that didn't sound very pleasant to me.

And yet, I said 'okay' to doing it the very next day. Of course, smiling at myself in the mirror and seeing that ugly black thing on my gum hardened my resolve some, but if you want to know the truth of the matter, the truth of the matter is this: Maybe this is completely inexplicable to most people, but after all the emotional pain and trauma that happened last year, at some level I feel like I could handle any sort of pain, that I've seen it all and nothing could faze me the way last year did. It's a false sort of bravado that probably wouldn't hold up when faced with a surgery to remove my wisdom tooth (which, according to the dentist, is going to happen eventually - OMG I WANNA DIE), but at least there is a bravado, and I relied on that bravado to get me through the many, many injections.

Seriously? The injections were the most bloody uncomfortable and painful part of the whole thing. After I had numbing cream rubbed on my gum, the dentist told me that he was going to inject me with anaesthesia to numb the relevant area. I was all, Okay. I thought there would be two injections. The first one didn't hurt at all, but the second one stung enough for me to make whimpering noises (don't laugh okay). When the second one was done I was about to heave a sigh of relief when the dentist told me that he had to inject three more times into the bruised area, so as to numb the nerves completely.

When I heard that I wanted to die. Three more injections? The first two already took a lot out of me! But since it was that or to go through pain and torture and feel my gum being sliced off, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried not to move or whimper too much when the injections were administered to me.

And...oh my god. They bloody HURT LIKE CRAZY. My mom had to leave the room so I had no one to hold my hand. They lasted for about ten seconds and those ten seconds felt like the longest ten seconds ever. I was so glad when they were finished!

The dentist prodded my gum a bit and I felt nothing so I was rather assured. When he began cutting off my gum I just closed my eyes and thought of other things.

Amazingly, 'other things' included my modules, of all things. I needed a song in my head so I started playing The Bravery's Honest Mistake. I didn't feel anything at all, but there were instances when I felt something being pulled off or sliced off. But they were only very slightly. Also, I just knew that my gum was bleeding like nobody's business when the other guy - I'm guessing he was like some sort of an intern - pat my lower teeth with a cotton pad. Rather unpleasant, I must say, and in my head I was all, "Oh, I think my gum's bleeding."

I got to see a small part of the bruised tissue/gum after the operation, and it was TINY! The dentist said that most of it had been sucked away. Ugh, how disgusting. I was hoping though that my mom could film it or something so that I could watch, just for the fun of it, but she had to leave the room. I think it helped that I was quite groggy the whole day and I had my eyes closed, so I couldn't see what appliances he was putting in my mouth. Haha.

He didn't remove all of it though, 'cause some were pretty deep and he didn't want to disturb my gum or whatever. Still, it's supposed to look much better than before and okay I can live with the compromise. At least it wouldn't be this black thing that the eyes immediately zoom in on when I smile. And the only crime that the bruise was committing was that it completely marred my smile.

As I'm sure it's obvious, I'm bloody vain. As a result, I was quite horrified when the super cute receptionist came in after the surgery when I had my wounded gum exposed with a pair of goggles on my face and my hair in some shower cap to talk to the dentist. How sad! He was really cute. Even my mom agrees!

Anyway, I've taken two more painkillers since the surgery and I'm not feeling any pain. I take that to be a good thing. I expect to be holed up over the next two days though, but I have DVDs to keep me company, as well as that pain-in-my-ass paper and Law IV to do. Yay.

Also, I need to watch Reservation Road.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010