(Indian Wells 2009) And Roger loses. Again.
written: 6:05 a.m. on Sunday, Mar. 22, 2009

No, really. 1-6. I suppose the bright side is, he didn't lose in straight sets like I feared when he got broken back in the second set. But the brilliant second set he played gave me real, tangible hope that he might actually win a match against Murray for the first time in a really, really long while. In fact, things were looking pretty good as the third set started. He looked like he carried the momentum he had from the second set over to the third.

But guess what happened? Roger served at 1-2, 0-15, and they were engaged in a small rally in which Roger kept hitting his forehand to Murray's backhand side, once, twice - on the third time, Murray was wrong-footed, and while trying to run back to retrieve the ball, he fell.

Andy Murray fell, and then Roger Federer lost the match.

Seriously. That was what happened. I can't freaking understand what that sentence even means. I don't even understand why he lost his focus just because Murray fell. I don't understand how he can let such a small incident derail his momentum, his concentration, when Murray was the one that should have lost his focus, since, you know, he was the one that fell.

I hate, HATE watching him play against Murray. This is the fourth defeat in a row ever since he won the US Open against this...person (was going to use another word but I shall refrain from calling him names). The first time I ever watched Roger lose, he lost to Andy Murray. The next time I watched Roger lose, he also lost to Andy Murray. The third time I watched Roger lose, guess who he lost to? Andy Murray.

At this point I'd prefer to watch him play Nadal to watching him play Murray. This is precisely why I dread his matches with Murray - he never, never wins. I was actually thinking to myself that he might've lost the first set on purpose just to reverse the weird trend in their previous matches in which he won the first then lost the next two, and I held on to this belief three games into the third set...until Murray fell and Roger lost the match.

I just don't understand what happened and it's killing me, this...this abomination, giving away matches that he could've won, giving them to - I'm sorry, but - lesser players who can't even hope to be as talented as he is. I just don't get it. Hasn't he figured out Murray's game plan by now? All Murray does is attack Roger's backhand until the cows come home, until Roger makes an error, which he usually does. Does he have no answer to this? Is his backhand REALLY that weak? How did he manage to win 13 Grand Slams with a crap backhand?

Come the hell on. This is ROGER FEDERER. He shouldn't be losing to bloody ANDY MURRAY. And yet, he's lost four times in a row, five if you count Abu Dhabi. All those losses are marked by one similarity: Roger's serve mysteriously disappears, and Murray attacks his backhand when he gets into a rally with Roger with his second serve.

I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS. Right now I'm SO pissed at Darren Cahill for not signing on with him and choosing Adidas instead and choosing Fernando Verdasco. Roger badly needs a coach, or someone to help him overcome this problem of losing at the mercy of his backhand unforced errors, and Cahill was supposed to be that guy but...ARGH. And you know what? I don't think he's refusing to get a coach; he probably can't find someone whom he wants to work with. And when he finally finds someone like Cahill, IT DOESN'T WORK OUT. Oh my god.

I didn't even watch half the first set 'cause I set my alarm for 4.30, wanting to watch it as late as possible to reduce my heart attack. At 4.30 a.m. he was already down a break. Then Murray won the first set on Roger's serve. Fuck, right? Fuck, seriously. At least Roger put up a fight when Murray served out the match, saving three match points in the process.

But still. But still, he lost. Again. And this time, I just don't have the energy to be upset anymore. I am, but it's hard to be overly upset when you did see it coming. Throughout the match all I could think of was, "Roger doesn't have an answer to Murray's game plan." And it's not even a highly complex, complicated, game plan; it's really very simple: attack Roger's backhand. That's it.

I'm so, so frustrated, and I'm just some girl watching the match from her living room in Singapore. I can't imagine how the fans that went down to watch him must be feeling, and certainly, and most importantly, can't imagine how Roger himself must be feeling. 46 unforced errors. When I saw the number of unforced errors he'd made compared to Murray's, I just knew that he wasn't going to win. I kept hoping nonetheless, but I knew he wasn't going to win.

At some stage you have to wonder why it is that you constantly put yourself through this emotional torture. You knew that the odds were against him, that he's been without his serve since the season started, that Andy Murray is on a hot winning streak and is therefore likely to win. And yet you still wake up at 4.30 in the morning, after sleeping two hours, despite being absolutely beat from tennis the day before, just to watch a match that probably will not have your desired outcome.

But it's not just any match. It's Roger Federer, and you love him to bits and pieces, even when he's losing. The reason I keep doing this despite the losing streak, despite absolutely hating his matches with Murray to the core, is because I believe in him and still hope he wins. I always hope he wins even when I know I'm likely to be disappointed, and I always believe in him, even when he loses. Especially when he loses. I can't stand the stupid naysayers who make broad, sweeping, melodramatic statements about Roger being "done" with tennis after one loss. It's not like he's on a losing streak and losing to some unknown player, and it's not like he's losing in straight sets. People seriously need to chill. I'm the most gloom and doom person I know and yet I still believe in Roger. Why can't his other "fans" do the same, dammit?

Right, I think I'm all talked out. I'm too upset/frustrated/pissed to go to sleep. I can never sleep after an intense Roger match anyway, win or lose (then again, I just realise he's only won two titles since I started following him. Fuck). But I have nothing else to say.

Andy's playing Nadal now. I hope he wins, though he just got broken. If it's yet another Nadal/Murray final, I'm so going to skip it and I just wouldn't fucking care.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010