shut up.
written: 7:53 p.m. on Wednesday, Sept. 15, 2004

Doing the Othello passage-based crap was honestly an elaborate attempt at complete self-obliteration. It was an extract from the stupid scene in which Desdemona is singing the dumb willow song, and oh my god, it's so fucking boring that it was torturous forcing myself to write. You cannot imagine the number of times I just wanted to put my head on the dirty, shaky table and just doze off, and of course, cast my Literature grade into the fiery depths of the lowest level of Dante's inferno.

Right. Whatever, okay?

One of the worst things in the world, in my humble opinion, is 3-hour long exams. Why the hell do we put ourselves through such torture?

Then again, I couldn't really care less about anyone else besides me, so let me rephrase that: Why the hell do I put myself through such torture?

Three hours of non-stop (idealistically, anyway) writing, furious scribblings, and at the end of it all, what do you get in return? Sometimes, absolutely nothing. If you're lucky you get a C, but who the fuck wants a C when everyone's getting it? How absolutely banal and boring.

And complex numbers pissed the shit out of me. I don't understand why the Maths teachers in my school are so dead fucking set on wasting my money by writing solutions to impossible mathematical questions that MAKE ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. They can jump from Step A to Step Z without explaining all the shit in between. What the hell do they take me for, some kind of mathematical genius? Yeah right. If I were I wouldn't even be in JJC.

So I'm going into my execution chamber tomorrow morning and there's nothing I can do to stave off my impending doom. I wasted the whole afternoon doing complex numbers and I haven't even finished it. Yeah, really productive, dude. Good job.

My brother is pissing me off. So is my mom. So is this computer. The stupid thing crashed after I visited some blog and it took literally 15 minutes for the thing to re-start and re-load. Fifteen minutes. Do you know what I can do in 15 minutes? A whole shitload, that's what.

Silas Marner is annoying, Hard Times is only good when the essay question allows me to criticise it, and Othello is pissing me off a lot more than ever.

And Tubby reminded us again today of the need to surprise him with unusual quotes during the Paper 4 exam, which means I'm pretty much screwed because memorising quotes is the one thing I have not made myself do. Not even once. Hence, my stupid Hard Times essay today was completely void of any, save for the turtle soup and venison and golden spoon thing which I am very sure was misquoted.

Hence, the academic suicide continues. After a year and 9 months, I'm still plummeting languidly halfway down the block.

Talk about a slow, drawn-out, utterly excruciating death.

Oh yeah, and how can I forget? Not seeing him at all for two goddamn days really, really, really sucks.

Also, I didn't study at all for Lit yesterday, not even at night. Ended up re-reading this amazing, beautiful, dreamy and wispy Joyce Carol Oates short story that I photostated from a library book sometime ago.

Oh god. I love that woman. I so wanna marry her. Such beautiful, beautiful writing, so profound that it gets excruciating sometimes, because it makes you wonder how a human being can write like that and still be a human being. It seems... I don't know.

I don't feel like killing myself with more Maths but do I have a choice? Unlike Lit, I can't exactly go in there and crap because it's not an essay exam. Fuck.

Oh how nice. People nagging at me to get off the computer and study.

Whatever lah. You try doing this four days in a row with barely a break in between and tell me again that I cannot attempt to relieve the stress with a little time away from the stupid books.

Fuck it. I'm so annoyed that I could explode.

Okay, I'll listen to Jielun. At least that's something positive.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010