dakota.
written: 6:19 p.m. on Tuesday, Oct. 31, 2006
Anyway, today was an utter failure. I didn't manage to do the things that I wanted to do and I had NO IDEA, once again, what was going on in Company. Also, I forgot my wallet so I couldn't collect my Property assignment.
I'm so incredibly frustrated and yet there's this subtle, sinking feeling of ennui in me and I'm amazed that all it takes is ONE DAY to unravel whatever I wrote yesterday. It's retarded, I should mean my words so much more than this, but I'm just so tired that I really don't feel like doing anything at all.
But, nevertheless, I will get over the ennui that Company never fails to shove down my throat, and tomorrow will be a better day. Why? Because I freaking said so.
There was a non-surprising surprise test (because yesterday's tutorial people alerted everyone else) and it was hilarious because I was more or less copying from my laptop. And then there was this question that was kind of mathematical that gave you one of those standard issue mathematical word problems and asked you to write down the number of issued shares, paid-up shares, whatever else. I looked at it and I was SO tempted to write, "I could've sworn I came to law school to escape numbers."
But I didn't and just left it blank.
I hate Company Law with every fibre of my being. I hate it so much that I find it impossible to come up with the appropriate words to aptly and fully describe how much I hate it. I don't understand shit, I spend HOURS reading like four pages of the textbook 'cause I don't understand what the hell I'm reading, and I don't even understand the bloody facts of the mandatory cases. What the fuck. If I'd known that I was gonna be annihilated by Company Law last year, I would've freaking left for England and not look back.
The only consolation I can think of right now is the fact that the exams are coming, which means the exams will soon be over, which then means that I can say "fuck off" to Company Law for ever and ever and ever. Like, I'm fucking NOT going to Corporate Law, for fuck's sake. That'd be suicide and masochism rolled into one.
People who can't speak/type in/SMS in proper English really shouldn't talk to me.
And people should stop calling me 'lawyer' just beacuse I'm in law school because I don't think I can ever think of a bigger misnomer than that.
I painted my nails yesterday and they're disgusting and I feel like wiping the nailpolish off.
Today's one of those days when anything that could go wrong, goes really wrong, and so I'm left feeling irritated and snippy.
Also, I don't really care for Veronica Mars much this season. It's not very gripping, I don't care about the plot, and bloody hell Logan is a sap. Ugh. I mean, I love me some teary-eyed Logan, but he's like, mopey in EVERY. SINGLE. SCENE. I want snarky Logan back because THAT'S who I fell in love with. Seriously, what are the writers doing? I'm quite disappointed in Season 3. At this juncture I don't think I'd care much if we don't get a Season 4, or even a full season renewal ('cause at the moment VM is renewed for like, 13 episodes or something like that due to its shitty ratings).
I still love the show, just not as much as before. I still wish I had Veronica's quick wit and acid tongue though. She's awesome to watch.
This entry sucks. I want to buy CDs. I have no money. I'm devastated.
Sometimes I do think I should just get off my ass and do things and not sit around and watch, dazed, as one second ticks by after another. I'm talking about everything in life - school, my future, my non-existent love life, my social life, the way I'm not keeping in touch with friends I don't even see anymore, the way time is always a lost entity and never on my side, the way I'm so passive about everything. I don't know when I became this way, why I never became the person I wanted myself to be. I was reading my diary, a few entries I wrote after entering law school, and I was absolutely amazed by the words that I read. They couldn't possibly have been written by me because they were so full of hope and ambition and an undying, unfaltering belief in herself that she could do whatever she wanted, just because she wanted them.
What the hell happened to that person? I could say, Oh, fuck law school, it totally killed her; but I'm past making excuses and so I know, for a fact, that it's me. I killed her. I have blood all over my hands and that's the end of it.
At times like these, I wish I were someone else.
But most of the time, I'm like, Well, actually, I kinda rule the world.
Schizophrenic much? And I don't even "get" schizophrenia.
Whatever. I'm gonna read CLT after dinner and just...stop rambling.
It's a nice cold day.
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010