i am, like, freaking out.
written: 4:50 p.m. on Sunday, Aug. 19, 2007

10% isn't a lot, is it?

Fuck, it is a lot. I'm dead. Why am I partnered up with Shaun? He's this genius who knows everything whereas my impression of John Locke is freaking Terry O'Quinn.

I can't wait to get the presentation done and over with.

Emergencies is actually really slack if you think about it. We have two articles to read per week and we meet once a week for three hours supposedly, but I suspect he'd end early judging by how early he ended last week. And the best part? No cases! And after 3 PM rolls around tomorrow, my worst nightmare for the module will be over. Of course, I'd still have to deal with my second worst nightmare - namely, class participation which makes me want to gorge out my eyeballs and just DIE - but the remaining 80% of my grade wholly determined by essays. One short essay, one term paper. And I might do the short essay on judicial review in Singapore since we've done that to death and since there are like, a grand total of like, four local students in the class. And the two Year 4s can't write on the topic for the short essay 'cause they're doing it for presentation. Bwahaha.

I'm so lazy. Right. I hate John Locke at this moment. I'm so going to die tomorrow and I'm DAMN SAD that Mag's in Japan right now because this means I have no one to bitch to after my presentation about how much it sucked.

I hope there'd be friendly faces around in school whom I could bitch to, friendly faces who are, hopefully, just a text message away.

HELP!!!!!!!

It's fifteen minutes per person and after that I'd still be tortured by attempting to be engaged by the Prof and the other students in a discussion of the issues. Like fuck I know anything like that. I'm so tempted to just concede the 10% to Shaun who is, have I mentioned, really damn brilliant but...noooo I can't!

I am suddenly really worried about the fact that I'm the only Year 3 in that class. I don't want to get a C for the class; that's just superbly embarrassing and it's plenty obvious that I could do much better. And, you know, the whole thing about having Masters students in your class who have done much more related to the topic than Legal Theory and Public Law is that there is the possibility of the bell curve being screwed with. Which is bad for me because that means the lousiest in class by default! I'm going to talk to the Prof after class tomorrow about this to either 1) assuage my fears; or 2) fall into utter hopeless desperation then attempt to overcome said utter hopeless desperation.

Let's hope the outcome is the former, okay?

Anyway, Friday afternoon whereby I was stuck in fucking meeting room 4-whatever all by myself freezing to near-death and feeling emo like fuck notwithstanding, I had a pretty good weekend. Granted, I didn't catch three-quarters of what went on in Rational Social Choice class, but at least I had good company after class ended instead of just trudging lifelessly back home where I would've sat on my bed with my laptop and played Tetris on Facebook. (Side note: There are 641 pictures of me on Facebook. I can't believe that myself.) I think I tried to read John Locke after I got home but I think I ended up writing the previous entry instead. Okay, at least there was an analysis of his theory, albeit a bad and shitty one.

And Saturday was spent with Chloe at Fisherman's Wharf, Clarke Quay-ish, where I actually ate fish and chips which I found oily but according to Chloe, it was just me. We caught Audrey in her play whose name I can't spell at 4.30, with which we weren't particularly impressed, but Audrey was tremendously outstanding. Very proud of her.

Walking relatively long distances in slightly humid though cooling weather becomes an enjoyable activity when you are doing it with a friend you love. Chloe and I walked back to Clarke Quay from DBS Arts Centre and it was laughter and fun. It's always like that with her, plus a closely-matched degree of heart-to-heart and confessions and everything else. Surprising, then, that we only became such good friends a few months ago, that we only started properly talking last semester. Last semester was generally fucked up shit for me, as is this entire year actually, but Chloe was one of the few exceptions to that. I'm very thankful that we've found something to hold on to in each other, not just in times of need and emotional crises, but just whenever, for whatever purposes, for absolutely no reason. Just because.

Check out my Facebook album entitled "Chloe and [Yelen]'s Great Camwhoring Adventures" to see the hilarious shot of the top of our heads that Chloe took whilst attempting to capture the sunset in the background of our self-take. HA, HA, HA.

Chloe couldn't stay for dinner so I hung around Central for close to an hour, waiting for dear Kenneth to show up, and I almost bored myself to tears. I walked around the entire mall looking for things to buy but I didn't even TRY ANYTHING ON in the end, OMG. He was supposed to arrive at 7 but in the end when he finally deigned to alleviate my boredom with his presence, it was about five minutes past 7.30. By then I decided that I was in the mood for dessert, so I made him walk all the way over to Clarke Quay where we each blew $7 on a small-ass piece of cake. OMG! Nectaries was Mag's recommendation and okay, she did put me on notice about its price, but I really wanted to eat chocolate cake. On the bright side, the cake was really good.

Shockingly, I was actually hungry after that cake (I thought that would be dinner for me) so for want of a better place to go, we walked all the way back to Central where we had fish at Manhattan. It was fun; he's really funny.

So that was Saturday night. I had a great conversation with Mag over the phone and...I'm just DAMN SAD that she's not around this entire week. I miss her already. I honestly don't know how I'm gonna survive Semester 2 when she'd be in Manchester, and Chloe in China. I'm so thankful that Rui and Jean will still be around, because otherwise, I wouldn't have a reason to go to school anymore.

Also, I'm looking forward to pupillage applications next July, or thereabout. Hopefully by then all the fucked up nonsensical retarded shit that plagued me (continues to plague me) this year would be flushed down the toilet by then.

Lastly, I suddenly realised that I miss talking to Andre. I've seen him around school but we'd exchange two inconsequential sentences and that'd be that. How sad, right? I think so too.

Lastly for real, I feel like going to the beach again, but it's been raining practically every day. There's a party at Cafe del Moar or whatever on Thursday night. But I have my intensive. ARGH. I'm so tempted to go! If I go, Mel would go with me, and for some really unforgivable reason, we've not gone clubbing together. That has to be corrected STAT. But Thursday ain't so good 'cause of my night class and I don't wanna lug my laptop to Sentosa. Sigh. We'll see how it goes.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010