you came much closer than this hell before
written: 5:52 p.m. on Friday, Feb. 08, 2002

Coming home just now I passed an old lady selling towels and tissue paper (do I put the 's' behind?) along the way. I was actually rushing to catch the bus, but when I passed her, my annoying conscience attacked so I stopped and bought a towel and a row (?) of tissue from her. She spoke in a dialect I didn't understand...I'm thinking it's Hokkien, but I can't be sure. Despite me being a Hokkien, I couldn't really, you know, communicate. It was quite embarrassing, as I was struggling to think of how to say "how much are these?" in Hokkien, but I had to say it in Mandarin, and she said something back in that dialect, but thank humanity for numbers and fingers. She held up one finger when I asked about the towels, and two when I (finally) figured out how to say 'altogether' in Hokkien.

I am quite the banana...yellow on the outside, white on the inside. You know? It's quite sad. This one night? My dad got a letter from some car insurance company. He doesn't know English, 'cause he's Taiwanese and all and failed English in college, so he came to my room and asked me to tell him what the letter meant. I read it over, and of course I understood, but when I tried explaining to him the context of the letter, I found myself being awfully short for words. I was grasping for the correct words, but when I tried saying "nationality" in Mandarin, I ended up giving him the phrase for "international".

God, I am really some Chinese, you know? Chinese who can't string a proper Chinese sentence together without interjecting (?) an English word...how pathetic is that?

I think my dad knows it too. During dinner yesterday? He made a passing comment that he can't communicate with me and my brother anyway, so why not send him to an old folks home when he's older? (I almost laughed at that, 'cause that's something I'd definitely not do.) I didn't say anything to that, 'cause honestly, what could I say? Another lousily-constructed Chinese sentence to prove his point? Sorry, but I'd rather not.

Failed E(lementary) Maths test on cumulative frequency. Bloody hell. I could've passed, okay? I got 9/20. And I made the dumbest mistakes...I took the number of weeks as 55 instead of 52. I realised that I failed every single Maths test I've taken thus far. When the fucking report card comes back, it'd be littered with red. Just absolutely littered with that damned colour.

I really, really hate that.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010