if it happens again, i'm done
written: 5:04 p.m. on Tuesday, Aug. 27, 2002
Why oh why do I have to take the O Levels? A girl from my school who used to be in my class is leaving for Boston/Washington in a week! Which means she's not going to be taking the O Levels! How I want to be her, even though my dream destination is New York. But she's rich, and I'm not, so I guess there's no contest now is there?
Okay, all I need to do is to remember that when I take an x-term over to the other side, the sign changes and does not remain the same. If I add an equation by two, I do not get a zero. For chrissakes, even my brother knows this. I can't believe I'm still making such retarded mistakes.
However, I'm so lethargic these few days that I cannot bring myself to study anything but Literature. All I gotta do for Lit (in my opinion anyway) is to re-read To Kill A Mockingbird and to watch the movie version of Julius Caesar, the one with Marlon Brando as Mark Antony, two things that I very much excel at, reading and watching a movie, so it's a real breeze for me. But Mathematics is an entirely different ballgame. I have to sit down and solve equations for two hours without any form of distractions, because anything less, and it's not effective. To add to that, I have never been good at Maths. Since young, it's been one of my weaker subjects. I'm the language-ish type. I mean, hell, I even like writing in Chinese! Doing Mathematics is hell, but I have to pass it if I want to go anywhere so I cannot escape.
On a brighter note, I passed the integration test with a B. Ha. There is hope yet.
Anyway, I called Gen today and we talked for a while. I was tempted to tell him something along the lines of, "Look, if you ever get the urge to date somebody else, or to sleep with some hot girl you met, it's okay with me, at least during this period of time when I can't see you. I mean, you're almost 21. Your love life should not be dictated by your juvenile 16-year-old girlfriend who has to sit for her stupid O Levels and who refuses to have sex with you simply because she's afraid. I really would understand, don't worry about it."
But I did not as I thought it would be pretty stupid. On the one hand, I don't want to be selfish and to, I don't know, deprive him of what he wants and whatnot. On the other hand, I don't play well with the idea of my boyfriend hitting on some girl and still reverts back to his old ways with me when the exams are all over (which is in December). In fact, I do and will get very jealous. It's just the way I am.
Yesterday he told me he hasn't smoked for two weeks. I was ecstatic, of course, because his smoking thing is the only thing I don't like about him (at this point of time, anyway). But then, me being me, I'm a bit dubious. He was addicted and from what I have been told, one simply does not quit like that. One does not wake up one morning, acquires an epiphany and goes, "Smoking is wrong! I shall quit right now!"
Okay, maybe that does happen, but I doubt a person can be totally clean of his habit in just two weeks. Then again, Genie seems to be the type who goes after what he wants, so I'm guessing he'd pull through.
I didn't tell him to stop, truly I didn't, although I did let him know how I feel about it, and he was really nice about it and made it a point not to smoke around me. But there was this one time when we were out together and he just had the urge and he lit up right next to me. Oh well, nobody's perfect.
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010