just for the hell of it
written: 7:39 p.m. on Wednesday, Jun. 04, 2003

Needless to say though, both of them suck and make absolutely no sense, and I couldn't remember how to write 1/4 of the words I used, let alone be certain of whether I was using them in the right context. But it was interesting nevertheless. Sappy romantic crap sound so much less phony and gross in Chinese than they do in English.

I was primarily inspired by my frustration of not seeing my cager again at all today, which disrupted my plan of getting his number today. It's so urgent because school ends this Friday, and I think it's wise to make use of the June vacations to... have fun. Yes.

And it's already Wednesday and still, nothing.

Sakurai suggested desperation. Made it sound as if I'm desperate for his attention, his company, whatever the fucking shit.

I choose to differ because it's not so much about him than it is about me having my fun. I guess I'm not the most sincere crush-er around but hey, at least I'm crushing, okay? And it also helps that he's cute and plays great basketball.

Sometimes I seriously think that I have um, more admirers, for lack of a better word, than I'm aware of. Every now and then some weird shit would pop up, involving some random guy or guys and their supposed and seeming fixation with me, the glorious and elegant princess, taking that with a spoonful of salt. And every now and then I'd feel eyes on me as I walk around the school, as if I'm being watched, studied, scrutinised.

And I can't stand that. I really can't. The way I see it, if you like somebody or are interested, then just go and tell that person. Sure, chances are, you'll be painfully rejected, but at least you'd be showing some bleeding respect. It's irritating when people stare. It's even more irritating when people talk about you like you're some kind of meat, totally de-humanising you, putting you on this holy pedestal that you can never live up to in a million years.

And when your true colours show, they call you a bitch just because who you are don't match with who they think you are. Just because they had such high hopes and you come along and shatter those hopes with the person that you are.

It's such crap. But such is just life, I suppose.

Anyway, Maths test was okay at best, not quite disastrous at worst, and hopefully I'll pass but I'd never know. Sakurai was um, rather depressed that she screwed it up.

Girl, you need to lighten up. I'm serious. Can't be so stressed over such things all the time... maybe one day we'll go to some pub and have a nice drink, yeah? Or just play basketball at the court near your house... that court. Yeah, that one.

Bwahahahaha.

Yosha. Movie marathon on Friday. I can't wait.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010