losing touch
written: 9:10 p.m. on Wednesday, Oct. 15, 2003

"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."

Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).

The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.

Her sign is the eclipsed moon.

As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.

Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Found it damn full of shit. I mean I agree with the vampire but not the analysis. Then again, the quiz had a spelling error (for the word 'optimist') and I don't trust quizzes with stupid errors like that so it doesn't matter either way.

I did pretty much nothing the whole day. Didn't go to school 'cause the mother tongue 'A' people were having their exams and I don't take Chinese 'A' so I stayed home. Woke up at the ungodly hour of 8.47 a.m. after my door was opened twice by apparently my dad, whom I'm currently not speaking to. I watched the Jielun DVD and marvelled over what an awesome performer he is and how sweet he is and how cute he is, and of course, how amazingly talented he really, truly is. And he seems extremely rooted to his Chinese roots. The behind-the-scene footages showed, in a few passing seconds, an image of him holding a bunch of joss sticks and praying to whatever it was that he was praying to. I just knew that he wouldn't subscribe to a Western religion. He doesn't even care to learn English.

I guess it just irks me when people automatically assume that he is making reference to the western god when he makes comments like, '...zhi neng gan xie lao tian gei wo zhe ying yue tian fen.' He was talking about how he's stupid when it comes to school work, 'cause he either flunked out or didn't finish, I forget which, and then he said thanks heavens I was blessed with musical talent, and some people at this site thought he was a Christian because of that. Just because he said 'lao tian'.

It wouldn't make a difference if he were, but the proliferation of religion is kinda scary sometimes. And I just can't reconcile Christianity or any western religion with being purely Chinese, like how Jielun seems to be. I know people do it a lot but to me, it's like oil and water. They just don't mix.

I think nowadays I'm stuck in a strange limbo of sorts between the two worlds, the East and the West. Despite globalisation, some traditions and values don't go away. And although I reject most of the traditions that bind me to this culture, I can't entirely escape from it because my own father upholds them. And he holds them against me, doesn't understand, thinks I'm being rebellious by going to Orchard Road at 9 a.m. to catch a 3 o'clock movie, all by myself, in my school uniform, and he questions my integrity on the few occasions when I'm actually telling the truth. He's reserved, old-fashioned, traditionally Chinese, and after being exposed to Western ideologies like free will and individuality, more often than ever, I'm beginning to feel trapped within his undying loyalty to traditions and old schools of thought that refuse to evolve with time.

We discussed a kind of puritanical Christianity that doesn't evolve with history in Literature class that existed during the Victorian era, at the heart of the Industrial Revolution, of which Mary-Ann Evans aka George Eliot was extremely critical. My Literature teacher -- a true genius, if you ask me -- commented that religion should evolve with time, with history. And I agree. And so should tradition. Maybe it's a contradictory, paradoxical statement that I just made, but that is how I feel anyway.

So I think that is why I'm not too fond of the notion of Jielun being a Christian. I mean, it doesn't affect the music in any way, shape or form, but where does that leave me in the end? You probably don't understand, and neither do I, but I'm just struggling to strike a balance between the two worlds here... struggling to paint an area of greyness where the two could mix without forgoing any aspects of their essence, nature. Sometimes I think Jielun's music provides the platform for the greyness to exist, for his music is, after all, R&B- and rap-influenced (although it is so much more than just that). But other times, I find myself unable to identify with the more ethnic-centric songs that he has, for example ��ȭ, or "Dragon Fist". I don't know why. I don't even know why it matters.

Oh well.

Back to my uneventful day. Watched "Alias", last episode, after watching the DVD. Man, what a bloody season finale. I hate it when they do that to me. Leave me hanging with a stupid cliffhanger 'cause it takes forever for the next season to be screened. But it was an awesome finale. Sydney and Will finally found out that Francie is the double. Woo-hoo.

Read Joyce Carol Oates's "Broke Heart Blues" the entire afternoon... or at least, after I read my own Slam Dunk fanfics for fun. Had nothing better to do, you see. I started that book three years ago when I first bought it but for some reason or other, never managed to finish it. I really dig her writing though. Bloody brilliant style.

Yesterday wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Orchard Road is becoming boring. I need new places to explore.

And home is increasingly becoming a jail where I can't be who I want to be.

this entry requires chinese simplified encoding

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010