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i suck. kill me now.
written: 6:11 p.m. on Thursday, Sept. 23, 2004

To crankitup: My dislike for Catherine Zeta-Jones is only one reason for my refusal to watch The Terminal. I also refuse to watch it because I can predict that strings will definitely play with a preposterous amount of sentimental overload that will definitely spill into 'sentimentality' territory when the male and the female get together in the end (even if they don't, strings will still play in an annoying attempt at inducing pathos but the end result would be bathos instead), or whenever the male and the female interact with each other. I'm rather positive that the execution would not be something I've never seen before, and hence the hackneyed nature of the movie would only induce me to swear like a mad sailor at the screen upon its conclusion. Granted, the premise is interesting, but look at what Steven Spielberg has brilliantly done to it. He's converted it into a love story. I mean, "life is waiting." How absolutely not cliche and silly. I'd rather watch a documentary on the real guy's life. I think someone like David Lynch or Spike Jonze would've presented a more intriguing take on the premise. I mean, seriously. Show me a non-cliche Hollywood blockbuster and I will show you an empty set. Having that said though, you are right; to each of his own. I just wanted to defend my position, that's all. And yeah, Dodgeball is bleeding stupid, which is precisely why I wanna watch it. If this were an email I would insert a smiley face here, but since it's not, I'd just tell you that there should be a smiley face here.

Oh, and just in case I forget again, thanks for your previous guestbook message. I appreciate it.

***

I totally bombed my Econs papers today. Yeah. There wasn't a single question for MCQ of which I was absolutely sure. Half of them were like, "Uh, I think these two are wrong... uh, I don't know what the hell this option is talking about... ah fuck lah, I'll just choose the one left over." The other half were like, "WHAT??????????????????? Huh? Did I even learn this?"

It didn't really help that I was so sick of some crap that I was trying to stuff last night that I decided to lower my morale further by doing the November 2002 MCQ paper. Yeah. I had like 17 right out of 40. Wahoo. On the bright side, one question from that paper came out for today's paper. On the down side, today's paper changed one of the options and it threw me off, so I'm not sure if the correct answer in the November 2002 paper is also the right answer for today's paper.

Miraculously though, I could do the first question on the production possibility curve. But that's about it.

And paper 2? Had no idea what the stupid bar graph thingy was off about. And it was on the increase in steel prices. What an absolutely stimulating topic. And case study was on measures to increase productivity. One whole bloody question on how certain indicators can aptly reflect upon a country's economic health, a.k.a national income accounting things, an area which I'm shit at. I was hoping something on international trade would come out, but NO. And instead of evaluating policies, I ended up explaining them.

Great. I am so screwed. This week has been a week of screw-ups for me and hence I'm going to screw up tomorrow's History paper 2. Lovely. The teacher's gonna kill me. She SMSed me on Sunday, telling me that my Paper 1 was 'impressive' and hence she expects 'better showing' for Paper 2.

Well, I have not even finished reading my notes on Singapore's political history, let alone got started on that huge juggernaught called The Impact of Colonialism which also happens to be bloody boring and tedious, so I think she should reserve her expectations for someone less lazy than me.

I feel like crap right now. Screwing up Econs sucks. I think I'll end up getting an O. How, how lovely. I would seriously rather do ten essays than to do even one MCQ.

Then again, going by that dream I had in which I got A for the essays, I also screwed up Paper 3 so what bleeding difference does it make.

Here's my conclusion and my public announcement service: Everyone who thinks I'm capable of good grades are wrong. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. The teachers are wrong, especially him. I'm sorry I wasted your time. I'm sorry I fooled everyone, myself included, into believing that I can rise above the JJC Disease. No, I can't. My atrocious performance in the hall today completely proves that to be right. I'm just a fraud pretending to be Beethoven, nothing more than that.

This feels worse than GP Paper 1. I didn't think it could be possible, but it does. It even feels worse than yesterday when I screwed up Lit. Then again, I think it's the culminating effect of an entire week of bad papers, and this week isn't even over yet. And tomorrow I'm gonna get back this Prac Crit test I did some Saturdays ago, for which I did a 6-page essay and a 1-page essay, and my stupid 6-page essay basically consisted of two points, and so I'm going to get like 25% if I'm lucky. So that'll be another blow to my morale, and right now I'm just dreading Paper 8 and everything for that matter, and I don't quite understand how it is that I could've wished that time would move along at a quicker pace during Econs Paper 2, so that I could end my torture earlier, instead of forcing myself to think of how to answer the impossible questions.

I was so unfocused today. What's wrong with me? I had two pieces of paper left over. What's wrong with me? I'm wasting time writing this dumb as shit entry and making myself feel even worse when I should be reading my Singapore notes. What's wrong with me?

Seriously. What's wrong with me? The perennial question that plagues my entire existence, or so it seems, and there goes my stupid melodrama again.

How I wish I had seen him today. But then again, I don't think it would've been enough to offset or even diminish the crap I felt upon the completion of the Econs paper anyway.

Thank goodness for Mel. Taking my mind off things, if only for a while, was better than never at all.

I just want to bitch a bit about Singapore's incomes policy thingy in dealing with increasing cost of production. Cutting cost is akin, if not completely synonymous, with cutting wages, or outright retrenchment. I do admit that it is economically justifiable. High wages will lead to an increase in cost of production, which will reduce the cost competitiveness of our crap, and since Singapore is an open, export-oriented economy, it is absolutely imperative that our crap is cost competitive. Blah blah blah. And SIA's retrenchment too. Rising prices of oil, blah blah blah, rising cost of production, so to combat this, let us retrench our workers!

Fuck off. Honestly. This is one problem I have with Economics: half the time we're so cold that we think that satisfaction can be measured in numerical terms (10 units of marginal utility sounds really weird to me). Maybe I'm just sore because I am directly affected by this stupid 'let's cut cost by retrenching workers' bullshit (my mom was a victim of the fucked up PSA fiasco sometime back and I guess she's 'structurally unemployed', although what difference the technical term for it makes to the unemployed totally eludes me) but even then, where the hell is the social welfare? It's enough to make me hope that the PAP is voted out of power during the next election, but of course not. Most Singaporeans believe that the government is doing "a great excellent marvellous job!"

Yes, they are, of robbing people of their fucking jobs and income. Yeah, 4.5% rate of unemployment is insignificant. Yep, so fucking insignificant that I totally do not feel the burden of it. I guess these 4.5% of the population aren't proper Singaporeans then.

Oh to hell with it. I'm too despondent and irritated to make a clear case right now, too riddled with emotion and whatnot and yeah that doesn't make a lot of sense but I can't write anyway so what difference does it make.

I should've said today in the exam that a low unemployment rate does not mean that the country is enjoying a high standard of living because the people who are unemployed are also significant and credible citizens of the country and hence their plight should make a difference too.

Okay, that made no sense. Just a sample of how incoherent my fucking case study answers were. Aha. I'm going to fail.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010