to laugh or to cry?
written: 2:44 p.m. on Monday, Jul. 25, 2005
Okay anyway, I miss Clarence. And I'm only going to say that once.
It's funny, when I got his SMS I was screaming away, like, "OMG!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!111111!!!" and stuff like that, and I was in my mom's car! Just got out of Raffles City and everything. She was asking me what was up, what he said, blah blah, and I just kept screaming Oh My God One Exclamation Mark One, like some stupid retard who's never spoken a coherent sentence in her life before. I may be losing it but then again, I've never claimed to be sane so whatever.
I'm drinking Snapple now.
I miss Clarence a lot.
RIGHT, stop it Yelen. Need to talk about what I bought today. So I went with my mom to Raffles City; she had to go to URA to submit some cheque or other, and the PSA building at Tanjong Pagar to collect a cheque. So I woke up damn early - didn't wake up at 8.28 a.m. today, strangely - and now I'm super sleepy. Going out with her is like going to school: Get up at 9, leave house before 10, stop at a few work-related places, reach shopping centre at 11 to beat crowd, leave shopping centre before 1, come home before 3. Most of the time I'm amazed at how her shopping stamina has deteriorated over the years, because I could so spend one whole day walking all over Orchard and still have energy left over for a movie. The only thing that's stopping me is my abject lack of money, which, needless to say, sucks major ass.
So anyway, I BOUGHT A PHONE! Oh my god a phone in my room! It's an "Artphone by Lars and Ivan". Mel has the Van Gogh Starry Starry Night one and I bought the Andy Warhol Pop Art one which I love to bits and pieces, and I'm not kidding at all when I say it was love at first sight. It's so colourful and pretty, adds another mad dash of colours to my perpetually messy room and I totally love it. Now the only problem is to figure out where the heck to put it.
I bought underwear too. About damn time. I was staring at my bare back in the dressing room and marvelling over how absolutely grotesque it is. It itched like mad a few days back, I scratched damn hard and now it's all red and disgusting-looking. Remind me again why I don't wear halter tops, besides the whole Dad Will Totally Freak Out thing?
I miss Clarence. I think I've said that more than once.
Going to NUS for matriculation in fifteen minutes' time. Great. I'm trying to look at this whole School Starts Again! thing in a positive light; I don't wanna go there all pessimistic and expecting the worse, because what Clarence said about how things will surely turn out bad if one keeps thinking that they will makes sense. I mean...I don't know what I mean, but what I'm trying to say is that I'm keeping an open mind, attempting to discard my stupid insecurities, and fervently believing in nothing but my own strength.
Whatever that happens to be. But still, I wish I believed in it more, and not as much in my conviction that I'm an overrated, actually-damn-stupid fraud. So, there you go.
I realised last night that my vocabulary has been stagnant since time immemorial. I'm not reading, I'm too lazy to pick up my dictionary to look up words that I don't know when I do chance upon them, and I'm going nowhere and it's disturbing. Most of the time though, I'm too tired (and lazy) to do anything about it. This eight-month holiday's had quite an insidiously adverse effect on me; in this light, then, I guess I should be glad that school is starting.
I miss Clarence a lot, so much, extremely.
Um, I think I should go pack my forms now. No idea where they are. I don't know what the heck the Giro thing's about either. Someone should pay me to study.
I miss Clarence. Fullstop.
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010