the villain is the one that splits.
written: 12:55 a.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 30, 2005

The previous entry was supposed to be a joke, but because I can never decide on the tone that a piece of writing should take, the semi-farcical aspects of the pseudo-teleplay only came through towards the end.

That said, I enjoyed writing it and that was the first time in truly the longest time that I enjoyed doing anything. In a perfectly written drama where the heroine wins back all that she's lost, that will be a sign right there, and if it's Hollywood, violins and woodwinds will swell with bursting emotions in the background, maybe there will even be a retarded and over-used voiceover from the heroine that says something along the lines of, "I should've known better; this is always what I've wanted. Now that I've woken up and seen the light, life suddenly makes so much sense."

Cliches are the intellectual bludgeonings of the uninspired.

My life as a TV drama was pretty boring.

I haven't studied for Contract and trust me when I say it's a hundred percent true.

I wonder if you need to be certified depressed to call yourself depressed. Because, you know, if that's the case, it doesn't really make sense. Like, you can't call yourself depressed if you're not on Prozac're not depressed enough? Very logical, Self. Or maybe you're just wary of the way that word has been used too gratuitously by pretentious teenage angst kids.

Ah, my Cynicism makes itself heard again. Sometimes I swear that it has a life of its own.

So I'm pretty sure that I want to write but yeah that's immaterial and totally beside the point.

And like, I think I get it now: the point isn't what you want, but what you need and what you should do.


Ultimately I blame all my woes on this country.

If I actually drank alcohol I'd probably be writing a line that goes something like, "Excuse me, it's the intoxication talking; I'm not usually that drunk."


So in other news I've begun watching Season 1 of Veronica Mars again. My fourth viewing and now I'm getting my kicks from saying the lines with the characters and trust me, it's fun. I particularly love this Veronica line: "The hero is the one that stays, the villain is the one that splits."

Also, "Brain? Check. Dead sexy? Check. Formidable Scrabble opponent?"

Haha. Formidable Scrabble opponent, indeed. Veronica Mars is a girl that takes after my own heart. I think I should be alarmed at how much I can relate to her anti-social inclinations and train-wreckage dysfunctionality; when you reach a certain age you're not supposed to feel enamoured towards teenage angst anymore. It's biologically wrong, for one; for another, the whole "been there done that" thing can really kick you pretty hard in the arse from time to time.

Well, what can I say? I love how imperfect she is, her amazing ability to compartmentalise and just shut down when faced with emotional wreckages.

Unlike her though, I don't have an effective coping mechanism; unlike her, I wallow, and I spend way too long wallowing and feeling sorry for myself. Like Logan, I put on a front and pretend to be happy around basically anyone who is not Yelen and it's exactly like cases where people kill themselves and their friends go, "But she's such a happy girl! We totally didn't see it coming! That is so unlike her!"

When push comes to shove, what can you depend on?

What is telling about the above sentence is the usage of the word "what", as opposed to "who". What can I depend on? Probably this writing thing. Who can I depend on?

I won't even go there. People are leaving; some have already left; others were never sufficiently here/there/random imaginary place to which "here/there" are supposed to point to begin with. Don't insult me by making me your replacement, don't say superficially gorgeous words you don't mean, let's just call it quits.

Should I also cry myself a river for being wanted by only freaks and fucking scary and stupid people while we're at it? I'm tempted to bemoan the lack of quality males in Singapore, but this country has already pissed me off enough; adding more oil to fire is only going to cause everything to explode in my face.

Control, alternate, delete. Control, alternate, delete. Shut down.

This year has been the absolute worst year of my life.

I will make it better by watching Veronica Mars (which happens to be the only thing that genuinely makes me happy nowadays - how fucking tragic).

Fuck Contract and I mean it.

before sunrise // before sunset

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