a (hell) lot of photos!
written: 10:19 p.m. on Thursday, Aug. 10, 2006

First, I present to you - The Guess Who! Series:

Part One:

I know. Mag is so lame! Hahaha. The first set was taken on the 7th of August, when we had Ben and Jerry's before cycling at East Coast Park. There's actually a fourth picture in the series but I promised Mag I won't post it because...well, suffice it to say that she doesn't want the whole world seeing it. Haha! I'll keep it for my own personal amusement.

The second set was taken today, when we went to Ben and Jerry's AGAIN to have ice-cream and celebrate her 20th birthday. She's finally as old as me, and hence formally inducted to the, um, Finally Twenty! Hall of...Fame...thing. Um, yeah, I'm typing nonsense.

Moving on now.

More 7 August Ben and Jerry's pictures:

The ice-cream we picked: Dublin Mudslide (my new best friend, as Mag would say), Strawberry Cheesecake (still damn good) and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough (damn good). Ben and Jerry's rules the world. It's the only ice-cream I'd eat now. It's like, the best thing ever. Yeah. If I ever need a good reason to go against my efforts at trying to lose the disgusting slab of flab (wow, that even rhymed) that is my slab of flabby tummy, Ben and Jerry's would be it.

Of course, I'd try to avoid that, but the Dublin Mudslide is absolutely amazing. Sigh. If only I were skinny. Or less vain. Or totally indifferent towards the weight thing. In short, if only I were a guy!

Anyway. East Coast Park pictures:

Hmm. I thought I had more photos than that. They're probably in Mag's camera. My tummy is super obvious in one of them, but eh, who cares. I think Mag looks really nice in the last picture!

So, today. More pigging out at Ben and Jerry's!

Haha. We totally went crazy with the photo-taking. Mag has the exact same camera as me so it's all fun and good. Regarding the dumb picture of me biting the plastic cup, I was being stupid. In the picture in the top left hand corner Mag was showing off the pirates necklace thing I gave her but the picture is a bit small. Lastly, I really like the picture in the bottom right corner 'cause she looks really pretty in it!

So, happy birthday Magdelene! It was great seeing you today and pigging out with you at B&J's, and taking a bunch of wacky, unglam photos (she has a few super unglam shots of me and I also have a few super unglam shots of her. Hahaha. Hilarious) I'm glad you like the pirates necklace thingy! Hope you had a great day dear.

And that concludes the photo overload of the day.

**

Warning: This part contains spoilers for Project Runway 3.

OH MY GOD KEITH MICHAEL WAS ASKED TO LEAVE PROJECT RUNWAY!

Argh! My gorgeous eye candy is gone! This is so saddening. Why did he have to have those fashion-related books with him, hence breaking Project Runway's rules? And why did he disappear for four hours while the cast when for some photo shoot thing? He seems quite troubled actually, from what Tim Gunn said and all.

Which is so sad because he was my favourite contestant, and his design for that particular challenge was the second best! I can't believe there's no more Keith for me to drool over anymore. I don't know who should be my new favourite contestant because he was like, the only hot designer! Daniel V from S2 was hot too but Keith Michael is so much more my type. ARGHH THIS SUCKS LIKE HELL.

I'm sad sad sad. Boo. Why does life have to be this way. Boo hoo hoo.

I'll miss your majorly hot hotness, Keith Michael. Boo hoo hoo.

**

I also finally bought Leehom's Heroes of the Earth CD and I like it!

Okay, I don't like the fan-written song because 1) Leehom didn't write it, obviously; 2) although he sang in it I couldn't bloody hear his voice; and 3) it totally reminded me of the weird songs I was forced to sing/listen to/learn in SNGS.

I also don't like Di Yi Ge Qing Chen (The First...Dawn?) because it's a bit too slow for my liking. I don't really like love ballads, see.

Having said that, the rest of the album rocks. I especially like the first song because it's so catchy, and the accompaniment in Rang Kai is super unique and cool. Love it. I like that one line of Canto rap in Jin's English rap in Gai Shi Ying Xiong. I don't really like Jin's English rap to be honest, mainly because of the stupid warped English that's characteristic of black hip-hop/rap (for some reason these rap people don't seem to know grammar whic is annoying). But the Canto was damn cool.

So yeah it's a good buy. I still like Jielun better though, but hey, I'm loyal to my husband. Bwahaha.

**

I did something quite stupid today.

I bought a stupid plastic hairband from Robinsons.

It costs $7.90.

What the hell was I thinking, right?

Well, for starters, that it looked good. I also liked the colour a lot, a cross between red and purple. It was also the last of that colour left. And, well, I've been thinking about that hairband for days now and I just had to have it.

But $7.90. ARGH I keep doing such stupid things and regretting it later. I didn't tell my mom because I don't want her to tell me off and go off about how I spend money when I can't make money or don't have money.

Sucks to be me, indeed.

And it's a plain hairband. It's just a piece of red/purple plastic. Sigh. What am I doing.

**

Yesterday's National Day Parade was utterly boring. The only time I laughed uncontrollably was when the army people came out during some boring-ass marching thing. I found the sight of their camouflage-painted faces and some pretty colorful spectacles frames that stood garishly out of place against the army green highly hilarious. I couldn't stop laughing.

But that was about it. Everything was crappy and boring. Well, the Singapore Soga (whatever) Association thingy was pretty cool but that was about it. All the secondary school performances were just a total waste of time. They totally shouldn't zoom in on the performers because it was obvious how mediocre the whole affair was, just from the way they half-heartedly swayed around and whatever.

And the stupid costumes. Ugh. Maybe you just had to be there or something.

I also watched Singapore Idol last night and I was appalled that those clowns actually made it to the top 8. Oh, My, God, talk about appallingly bad. That disgusting Paul Whateverhill dude should do the whole world a favour and get a fucking haircut. What the hell was he even doing singing a stupid Boyzone song when he had that Wannabe Punk crap going on? What an idiot. And that Joakim Gomez guy is so damn cheesy that I wanted to smack him. He absolutely massacred the Friends theme song. The Malay girl who sang that Linday Lohan song totally annoyed me with her over-the-top melodramatics and her unkempt, shaggy, Wannabe Rock hair. Stop being such a poseur lah.

There were really only two singers that were halfway competent - that Mathilda chick and that Malay guy whose name I don't remember. Everyone else sucked. Really. I wonder why people watch this joke of a singing contest. I wonder how they even got that far. I wonder why we bother having these stupid shows when the "talent" on display is so pathetically mediocre at best and worthlessly shit at worst. Ugh. I won't even bother comparing it to American Idol, because there's just NO comparison. Like, even the crappiest top 24 (or whatever) contestant on American Idol is tons better than the top 8 Singapore Idol contestant.

This country is sad.

I mean sure I'd support local talent.

That is, when they actually fulfil the 'talent' portion of that phrase.

Never watching Singapore Idol ever again.

**

Edited to add at 12.03 a.m.:

I'm reading my August 2005 entries and I'm thinking of what an absolute idiot I was and how badly I would like to kill that person.

An exchange between Logan and Veronica in a Season 2 episode:

Logan: How much easier would your life be if you were indifferent to me?
Veronica: So much, because I'm really struggling.

I'm thinking, How great would it be to say something like that to someone? Because I hate the thought that something so retarded could happen to me. I hate the fact that it happened, because it makes the thought real, a permanent fixture of my personal history. And I hate it with more passion than you can possibly imagine. There is no other word for it but 'hate', because it is hatred that boils in me whenever I think back to those July/August days - especially the August ones, and the early September ones.

It just figures that whatever flimsy hope I harboured back then that a real relationship could actually happen to someone like me turned out to be shit and totally unfounded. It really figures, in fact, that nothing has happened since then, and that I've only become even more jaded and hardened than I was at the beginning. Relationships are worthless tripe because I am not programmed to experience something like that.

I can't even put it into words other than 'something like that' because I wouldn't know what it's like. Sure I had a couple of boyfriends but they were - and no offence - the playthings of a curious teenager who was out to experiment and basically had no bloody idea what she was doing. There were no maturity, no importance, no real meaning. And every year - every birthday - I'd think to myself, Okay, so this time next year I'm sure I'd have someone. And of course, every year - every birthday - I'd find myself thinking the exact same thing, over and over and over, a horrible refrain that has since lost its groove.

Fuck it. I tell myself I don't care because it is my only real protection. When that's taken away from me I'd be left with absolutely nothing - nothing but emptiness, a pathetic form of depression that exudes weakness that cuts deep into the bones. Worthlessness. As if I needed another person to be happy.

Well, you know what? I don't. I don't at all. Haven't I always got by depending on myself? Haven't I always kept others at arm's length because they're not worth the anguish and the distress? And let's face it, we don't need another person to cure our sexual frustration; all we need is...ourselves.

I'm over the guy. He's pretty much dead to me. What I'm not over is how badly I was affected by his indifference.

I will look on the bright side, though. That whole meaningless fling? A lesson learnt. There's just no way I'll ever put myself through that kind of shit again. I'm not that kind of girl. I will never be that kind of girl. Not anymore.

I guess we're back to the same starting point: I don't care. End of story.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010