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when there's a will, there's a way (to denial)
written: 3:50 p.m. on Saturday, Aug. 17, 2002

Tell me something, dear reader: Is it just me, or does the colour of my text look different? I'm not the most observant person around so tell me if it's always been like that because the colour looks weird, almost blackish and I could swear it was somewhat greenish.

Daddy Dearest has elevated from his previous status of a parasite that I have to live with to the ultimate saint. Reason: he's agreed to take me to see "Signs" tomorrow morning. So fucking wonderful. He was adamant on not doing it before the release of the Chinese grade. I wonder what made him do a 360 degrees turn and change his mind. Perhaps he felt sorry for me because I did not get the A1 that I so rightly deserve.

But then, I really don't care what his reason(s) is/are. I don't care either that I've been talking about "Signs" a lot, as a reviewer had complained. I mean, think about it. I am madly in love with Joaquin Phoenix, and Signs is his second movie that I've seen in the theatres, so naturally, I'd be excited, right? Right.

As for school. Sad but true, it's the only thing in my life. The only. Forget the boyfriend, I hardly get to see him or talk to him and the thoughts I have in my head about us are so scary that I don't want to deal with them or commit them to paper (okay, the Internet), which will only serve to make them real and I don't want them to be real. Accuse me of being in denial if you must; it does not bother me, because I know it's the truth anyway. I am in denial and proud, and you know why?

Being in Denial lets me have my illusions. I love illusions. Ain't nothing better in the world, really.

So don't jump all over me for not wanting to confront my demons because okay, I'm a coward, and okay, I don't have the time or the energy because I'm only eyeing one thing now, and that is an aggregate of below ten points. To be distracted by external bullshit would rake in a few more points that would cripple my progress to something bigger than me, and I don't want that.

I will write about things of more substance and things that are closer to my heart in December. For now on, make do with what you have, which are "Signs" and my fucking grades. Thank you very much.

PS. To Casey, the reviewer: Please don't take offence if you're reading this. Your review was better than most.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010