thrown off balance
written: 6:22 p.m. on Wednesday, Aug. 21, 2002

I got reprimanded by the Chemistry teacher because I got a 7 out of 45 for one of the Chemistry tests and I was kind of off to somewhere else, building castles in the air, and when she started it the people in front turned around, and I got a sense that was extremely nostalgic and not very pleasant. All of a sudden I became a primary kid again. It didn't matter anymore what I was good at, what I have achieved as a person, none of who I am mattered in that few seconds. I won't be surprised if my face was burning red, but it wasn't about humiliation, exactly. I don't know what it was about. It was just a split second of slight embarrassment, a lot of confusion and the feeling of being close to tears. I cannot explain it or comprehend it. It totally threw me off balance. I kept asking, "Okay, why the fuck do we even care, self? I mean, seriously, who gives the slightest fuck about Chemistry? It's a fucking stupid subject and we know it."

I wasn't even going to write about it but there's nothing else to write about, so screw it. It's raining now. It's also the monsoon season, so we'd have an hour of rain and like, 11 hours of sunshine. So on any given day, it may rain in the morning for about an hour or so, and afterwards the sun would come out, and I'd be like, dammit, where's the rain? Come back! I want you, not the stupid sun!

I never ever get what I want though. Figures.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010