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we live in a world of broken dreams
written: 3:55 p.m. on Friday, Oct. 18, 2002

Sometimes, reality really sucks. So I was at the Hwa Chong open house. I was at the Humanities Scholarship talk. I sat through the talk. So the person spoke with an extremely thick British accent. Half the time I couldn't catch his words. But I did hear him when he said that the college accepts mostly students with six or seven points for the programme for January to March.

Six or seven. And guess how much I have? 18.

He also mentioned that they only take about 4 or 5 students into the programme after the O Levels, and if you're accepted in January, you're fucking in luck, because even if you get all F9s for the O Levels, more likely than not, you'll be able to remain there.

It's just so unfair. There is no way in hell I can get into the stupid thing using my school results. I mean, 18 points with only one A1 isn't exactly impressive. Nobody even told me about this thing before I sat for my school exams.

Right now I'd die for Celene's results. I'd die for her brains. I'd die to be her! How can anyone be such a genius? I mean, eleven distinctions with 6 points! I can never see that happening to me.

I mean, yeah, I don't take eleven subjects but the most I can get is 3 distinctions. That's all. I just suck at studying. I'd rather be off somewhere writing some shit or reading some crap or watching a meaningful film.

But let's not go there because it's boring.

Before the school. Went to eat with The Athlete, Pearl and Pearl's cousin. We went to The Restaurant. Gen was there. We talked for a while by ourselves outside even though there wasn't much to say.

I don't know what to say anymore. The movie didn't happen because the earliest show was at 1.30, which was too early and the next one was at 5, which was too late. Orchard has one at 3.30 but I didn't want to watch a movie alone there. You simply don't watch a movie by yourself at Orchard.

Gen had a work til 3. I didn't want to hang around the place for an hour doing nothing so now I'm home.

I do miss him, but I don't know why as we don't even have much to talk about. I suppose it's the feelings I get from being around him. I like them. I don't really need him, you know. I just want him.

So I did 3 parts of a long Physics question. Plotted the points of a graph and everything. Didn't know if it was a straight line or a curve so I let it be and here I am, typing this thing.

I should stop wasting my time but I'm too lazy to change.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010