confusion is nothing new
written: 9:30 p.m. on Friday, Jul. 18, 2003
Argh. I want to die. Somebody kill me and put me out of my misery. I can't take this anymore. The mammoth amount of shit that I have to deal with is taking its toll on me. I don't even know... I don't even know anything anymore. Literature is going down the drain. Economics makes absolutely no sense. History is frozen in time, stagnant, and so is my poor understanding of it.
Only thing that seems to be the most possible subject that can help me pull through my promos is Mathematics.
Do you fucking understand that my entire goddamn world has been fucking DERAILED? Maths is supposed to be my mortal enemy and Literature my soulmate but now the tables are reversed and I don't even know where I'm going anymore.
I am so damn confused. And I'm not just talking about school work, although that constitutes quite a large proportion of the entire picture.
I seriously think this is the result of PMS but I'm not very into trivialising my emotions like that but I guess it's just a fact. A curse, you may call it, of being a female.
Honestly, the only reason I wouldn't go for a sex op is because I like guys. That's the main reason I like being a girl. Which is stupid, if you think about it, 'cause I'm so heterosexual that if I were a guy, I would like being one because I like girls. Do you understand what I'm saying? You should, 'cause it's not that difficult.
Can't you bloody tell that I'm avoiding the subject I initially set out to talk about? Well, I am.
Let's not talk about it at all, okay? Great. So on Thursday I received this poetic as hell SMS from Cain. And I typed a stupid reply back. And it was during History lecture. And I spent that entire period writing out nonsensical verses that are supposed to bear some semblence to poetry. And I was really on a roll, until I received a message from Mr. Nerd with three words: "I love you."
I thought back to a similar incident that happened to Sakurai. I remember her telling me that she received a message from him too, the exact same words. So I typed back, "So do I. Love for one and love for all!"
A few minutes later, I received another message. The gist of it: "No. That wasn't me. It was my friend. What did he send you? Can you send it back to me? Damn, he took my bag and don't know go where with it..."
I just started laughing when I read it. It's the part about his friend taking his bag that did it. It's sooo funny. Really.
Or maybe it's just me.
Anyway, needless to say, I lost my flow of inspiration shortly after that. And the fact that I was attempting another bilingual one was also a factor. I took a really long time thinking of the Chinese lines, so that I ended up forgetting what I wanted to write in English. It sucks.
The New Kid's helping me download the new Jay Chou song into his MD player. I found it on Kazaa but no use downloading 'cause I can't listen to it anyway; speakers are dead and all. And they're playing it on the Chinese-language radio stations, but I'm not exactly keen on listening to a bunch of shit just to hear the song. I mean yesterday morning on my way to school I tuned my mom's radio to 93.3 FM. And for the entire half an hour I only heard two songs. Other times were spent listening to the stupid DJs spew a bunch of shit.
It was very, very annoying. And it's very, very frustrating that I found the bloody song but can't bloody listen to it.
I love Jay Chou. His new album is coming out on the 31st of this month. Silly boy or whoever sets the release date... should've made it on the 14th, bleeding dammit.
So now I have completely not talked about what I was going to talk about. Wonderful. Sugoi. I'm done here.
before sunrise // before sunset
Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010