could you stop it before it comes?
written: 6:36 p.m. on Monday, Jul. 28, 2003

I seriously think netball is a retarded sport and I can't stand it and I wish people would stop asking me if I play netball when I'm playing basketball with them. I obviously don't, for crying out loud. Just because I don't use the board when I shoot doesn't mean I play netball. And I can't get rid of my instinct to dribble whenever I receive a pass from my teammates. It's like... well, I don't know. Netball just sucks. It's so lame and you can't even jump when you're shooting. What the fuck kinda shit crap is that?

So now I think I will start taking offence to questions like, "Were you in netball?" and comments like, "You should be in netball." Whatever lah wah lau. Whatever you say.

Anyway. Had an intra-class debate during GP and The New Kid was the last speaker for the opposition team. Motion was "This house believes that the media is nothing more than a negative influence in our lives." The Class Rep spoke for the proposition team and he came under heavy fire for some of the honestly stupid comments he made. He called the Sars-prevention adverts "irritating", said some shit about how the Singapore government doesn't make an effort to raise the public's awareness about hygiene and only starts the bandwagon rolling with the outbreak of Sars and more retarded crap that I don't remember right now. I don't know where he got those ideas. I guess he slept through primary school because the last I remember, we had health education in primary school (and it was quite fun). And how are irritating adverts a negative influence in our lives?

But The Class Rep's retardedness is not what I want to talk about. My teacher made me the judge. And she made me choose a best speaker. And a lot of them were like, "But Yelen would choose The New Kid!"

Honestly I did want to choose him 'cause he said some things that I agreed with. So... yeah. I mean, my point is...

Okay. I don't know what it is. In the end I picked this other guy on the opposition team.

And I still tense up whenever the girls in my class mention the girl that he liked or found attractive, whatever. Even when they don't directly mention her. Even when they're being extremely implicit about it. I still get tensed and perhaps even spiteful.

Which is stupid. But what's to be done about that?

It's not that I doubt him or anything. It's just... perhaps jealousy.

Okay. It is jealousy.

Sometimes I truly do detest the person I'm growing into.

And I need a damn shower now.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010