i really can't do titles.
written: 6:39 p.m. on Monday, Oct. 18, 2004

I would've gone on to do factor price determination/wages/rent/whatever and that thing about price determination if they didn't scare me so much. Honestly, I have no idea what the hell the latter is all about. There was a question on some imposition of a tax on whatever by the government and hence find the new equilibrium price and quantity or whatever that we did in class before but I didn't understand a word of what the teacher was on about. Hence, when it came out for the prelim, I couldn't do it again. And since I was involved in OGL crap when my ex-teacher did wages (I think?), the pages in my book for that chunk are completely blank.

Oops. I thought short-run costs killed me enough already, and I thought elasticity pushed me fully into my grave, but I think these two remaining units would be the sand and dirt and gravel that covers me completely six feet under.

Okay, my English sucks, but you get the point.

So I went to see the Paper 8 teacher today, with Mel, hoping to get questions answered. But things did not go my way. Two girls from Mel's class decided to join us. Mentally I was like, "What the fuck?" I mean, hello, book another bloody slot lah! What the hell's your problem?

But then again, I didn't really know what to ask anyway since my problem with Paper 8 is undefinable and un-pinpoint-able. You know? There's just this huge crutch involved whenever I attempt it and it trips me over, everytime.

I don't feel like talking much about it though.

Something supremely embarrassing happened in the middle of Paper 8 consultation but it's so pride-denigrating and disgusting and shitty that I do not want to talk about it at all.

Suffice to say: The jury's out. The verdict's final. I am the biggest ass to ever walk the face of the Earth. That's all.

Okay. Today's been kinda boring. Yeah. I didn't go for History. Saw my teacher while I was going up the stairs to the staffroom; even said 'hi' to her.

But I figured, the opportunity cost of going for History is higher than that of going for Paper 8 consultation, considering the crucial fact that I got a B for History but a D for Paper 8. It's Economics, dear; hence.

And I'm just being pompous and pretentious and asinine and dumb. Right.

I don't feel like talking about exams.

But I didn't like it at all when my cousin was quizzing me on my A Level exam dates yesterday during tuition. I only remembered three: November 4 (GP), November 8 (History paper 1) and November 9 (Maths paper 1). He was like, "These dates don't seem very important to you at all."

Dude, just because I don't remember every single date of my exams doesn't mean that they're not important to me. You have no idea how crucial this is to me, and it's not just about the future because I'm honestly too myopic to give a shit. It's about my pride. Everything I've had to endure these past two years, everything my parents've had to endure. You can't possibly understand since you were in Raffles JC and hence cushioned in the elite system all your life, but it's okay; nobody blames you for it. But it's not okay to pass such a gross and unfair judgement on me just because I can't remember every single goddamn date of the bloody exams. Some people cope differently. I choose to cope by only putting out the fire when I get closer to it. I don't really care if you agree 'cause that's what I'm gonna do anyway; otherwise, I think I would've suffered a major nervous breakdown by now. You have no idea the amount of crap I feel every single day, starting from July all the way until now. This is the worst thing I've ever had to go through my whole life, and that is precisely because of the over-importance I place on the three weeks that I'd have to force myself to survive in November.

Honestly, I was fucking pissed off. But I didn't show it, as per usual, because I chose to avoid the confrontation. What's the point anyway. Me and him? We're on totally different wavelengths. I appreciate the Maths help but sometimes he doesn't seem to understand at all my difficulties in the subject. I'm not one of those freaks in the better schools who walk out of the exam hall an hour early because they've finished and have nothing to do, and I'd never be one of those people. It'd take a miracle for me to finish the stupid paper half an hour early and get everything correct. In fact, I think it'd take a tremendous miracle for me to get anywhere near an A for it. I'm that bad at Maths and he doesn't seem to get it.

I don't know. I make such stupid mistakes that I astound myself. I could write A-B in one line and change it to A+B in the next without realising it until I get my answer and discover that it's wrong, not because I checked my working, but because I flipped to the back of the book and checked against the answer. But I'm obviously not going to have an answer key in the actual thing, so this basically means that my grade, whatever it is, would be jeopardised by my utter carelessness.

One thing I do agree with my cousin is that I think I can lose about twenty marks based on such stupid errors alone. And that is... obviously, a lot. It's such a pain, really. I'd rather write an essay on Pythagoras or something. However that's supposed to work out.

Anyway, the point is, I was ticked off by my cousin yesterday and I hate Maths and I still don't remember my exam dates save for the ones I listed and my last paper which is November 25 Utopian Lit so yeah.

I'm going to Taiwan for a couple of weeks after the stupid exams.

Yeah.

Uh. I don't know.

I'm kind of looking forward to graduation but that's only because of...

Nevermind. It's not important anyway.

Would be fun shopping for that perfect black dress. I love shopping. We should get married.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010