new // old // about // extras // layout // notes // email // diaryland

uh, some random stuff.
written: 9:59 p.m. on Saturday, Apr. 16, 2005

I really have to get off my lazy ass to reformat the laptop; the damn pop-ups are pissing the bejesus out of me. Hell, I planned to do it today but my mom had some presentation for which she needed this laptop so it was gone the entire afternoon, which meant that poor me spent my afternoon at home, alone, watching Formula 17/Shi qi sui de tian kong for the 4th time (still as hot and funny as the first time I watched it) and playing Zuma continuously until I started mistaking green balls for red balls, yellow ones for blue ones, yadayada. Like I said, poor me. Boo hoo.

Life is fucking bore. It can't be a bitch because the word 'bitch' suggests some form of liveliness, a feisty kind of defiance which my life definitely does not have. If anything, it's plain fucking water - but even that's not entirely accurate either; water is healthy and essential, two things that my life sure as hell ain't. If this goes on any longer, I think I may just kill myself one day.

Or not. Oh hell, who cares.

I've suddenly realised that I've been pronouncing 'Kaneshiro' wrongly this whole time. How in the world can it possibly be pronounced 'keh-nuh-shiro' when it's obviously 'kah-neh-shiro'? Hello, Yelen? And to think you absolutely cannot stand how Mos Burger staff, polite and friendly as they may be, mispronounce 'ebi' all the time.

Seriously, I think Japanese is my best third language - which is tragic, because I can't recognise Japanese characters at all, save for like, one non-Chinese one and a few kanji characters that resemble Chinese. Example: 'You' in Japanese is kimi, right? The kanji for it is pronounced 'jun' in Chinese, which also means 'you', and that's how I knew what it meant when I saw it in Hamasaki Ayumi's lyrics. (Why I even bothered looking at her CD inlay when I don't know Japanese bewilders even myself, so there.)

What I do know is how to pronounce Japanese words correctly when I'm staring at them in romaji form (that's Japanese pinyin, by the way) and what a few words mean, all thanks to my Slam Dunk/a few anime craze and my penchant for quality Japanese cinema. And uh, I don't know what my point is, so haha.

Anyway I still have not received my fucking Law letter and I'm going crazy with anxiety so somebody please plunge that damn kitchen knife into my guts because I can already sniff the end of my life rising somewhere above the near goddamn horizon. Help.

Anyway I bought clothes again like on Thursday when I was at Raffles City and I bought this top at Mango that looked nice in the dressing room but morphed into something grotesquely hideous when I came home and tried it on again so I'm gonna return it. I think I'm beginning to slip into this awful habit of buying clothes on a whim with the fake reassurance of the option of exchanging it for something else; it's bad because it means that I'd be spending money on something that I don't really want after all, and such extraneous spending is extremely detrimental to the state of my bank account. I have no idea how in the world did my account balance plunge to about $2600 after my StarHub pay had already been transferred into it. Sucks, doesn't it? And I'm seriously contemplating buying a gorgeous Morgan long-sleeves top, and we all know how fuck-expensive Morgan is. Hell, I tried on this gorgeous, lovely purple knee-length (I repeat: knee-length) skirt the other day and I was sooooo tempted to buy it, nevermind that it costs like $119. Seriously, if my mom weren't with me, I would've bought it, no question, even though it's waist-high and I hardly wear waist-high clothes anymore; they feel horrible, really. And I look fat wearing waist-high bottoms.

I have to lose weight. I so feel like going shopping right now. And I'm still lamenting over the fact that the guy who pestered me was not a hot, drop-dead gorgeous guy but a fugly geek who took accountancy in NTU instead. Sigh. What the hell will it take for hot guys to approach me? I may look like I have a boyfriend BUT I DON'T and I'm about to flip from this perpetual boredom so put me out of my goddamn misery, dammit.

Dad told me that I have to get used to loneliness and being alone. Hell, I so know what he means.

Not that I'm lonely or anything; I'm just freaking bored and it's as simple as that. I wasted the whole of last year liking one person...ONE PERSON, for crying out loud. What a travesty, what a joke!

Then again, the guys in JJC weren't anything fantastic to give a hoot about either so I guess it wasn't entirely my fault.

Sometimes - at times - I do miss the crazy 2002 days of being wild, going to a guy's house, that insane exhilaration, naive conviction of being in love, blissful and true happiness, untainted and uncynical...but not quite the lies, the deceit and the guilt. I don't know man, it's too many things to be put into words; I don't know where to start, how to end, let alone how to sort out the messy in-between. Oh well, I'll take a rain check on this then.

And now I'm thinking how badly I need a good hair-stylist who is not residing and working in Taipei. I may be thrilled about going back to Taipei in June and getting my hair done by that dude who cut it last December, but the truth still tragically remains that I am, unfortunately, living in Singapore (and I can't begin to tell you how much that sucks) which means that I can't possibly fly all the way to Taipei whenever I feel that my hair is in dire need of a good styling, see? I'm simultaneously reading Carine's blog and her description of her haircut is making me very tempted to check her stylist out. Ahh! My hair is in horrendous shape right now. I can't let it down anymore; it looks shit and flat and style-less. Well, it is style-less, but that was much better concealed in the couple of months that followed my awesome Taipei haircut.

Okay, in the first place, the salon I got my hair done in Taipei wasn't some sleek, up-market salon; the nearest up-market salon to my apartment in Yonghe was too expensive. But even so, it was a damn good cut and the guy who did it was nice (but not cute). I have to get a male stylist; female ones...I don't know, I just have this thing against females. Like, whenever I meet new people, I tend to click with males before females - which is highly ironic if we consider the fact that most of my close friends are girls, but hey, who gives a hoot, right?

So yeah, I need a good Singaporean stylist. And my dad needs to sleep so this shall be it.

I'm watching When Beckham Met Owen at the film fest tomorrow and I can't freaking wait. Wahoo, a night out with Mel and Khai! Awesome.

before sunrise // before sunset

Previously:
- - Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2017
I'm moving. - Sunday, Jul. 11, 2010
In all honesty - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010
What I want for my birthday... - Sunday, Jul. 04, 2010
On Roger's behalf. - Friday, Jul. 02, 2010